


The Summer of '97

by aloriahfray



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Distant John Winchester, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester, Singer Salvage Yard, Suicidal Thoughts, Weecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-01-10 20:43:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 82,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1164326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloriahfray/pseuds/aloriahfray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's amazing how much life can change in just a few months. Some down time at Bobby's turns into a whirlwind of life altering events, one which Dean barely survives and another that saves his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secret Stares

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know what this is or where it is going. I just wanted to write Wincest involving the boys sweaty and dirty working in the salvage yard. But it has kind of taken on more of a plot and I am just letting it run whatever way it wants to. I'm writing for the hell of it rather than because I feel I need to and am enjoying it thoroughly.

Dean glanced up at Sam as he slid out from under the Impala. He’d been sitting on a stool in the garage watching his big brother work for a good twenty minutes now, nodding and grunting passively in response to all of the little tips and tricks Dean was attempting to explain to him.

“Alright, kiddo, if you’re gonna be in here you gotta get off your ass and help,” Dean insisted, sitting up. “C’mere.”

Sam sighed, sitting up from where he was lounging back against the wall and got to his feet. “Cars aren’t really my thing, Dean. You know that.”

“Well you sure spend enough time in here watching me work on this one.” He kind of figured that was just because Sam wanted to feel included and because he was running out of books to read at Bobby’s. Dad was on a hunt and had left them in Sioux Falls for a while, giving Dean time to fix up the latest damage dealt to his baby.

Sam joined him, lying on the dirty floor of the garage and scooting underneath the car. Dean looked over at him as he picked his wrench back up and insisted, “If somethin’ happened to me on a hunt this car would be yours and I wanna make damn sure she’s in good hands if things go down that way.”

His little brother frowned at him, but didn’t argue. Dean knew very well how much Sam hated it when he talked like that, but he was a realist. He knew the dangers of the job and was aware just how easily his life could be taken.

He didn’t want to dwell on that though, so instead he focused on the Impala and explaining to Sam everything he was doing. After a little while he even let his brother join in, handing him some tools and directing him. For being so bored by cars, the kid was a natural at taking care of them and he was good with his hands, like most hunters.

Dean watched him intently, walking him through the repair, and smiled with pride at how quickly he was catching on. He worked confidently, his face drawn into a focused, determined expression, and responded with curt nods and the occasional “okay” or “yup”.

“Good job, Sammy,” Dean said with a broad grin as they finally emerged from underneath the vehicle.

They got to their feet, wiping dirt and sweat from their faces, and Sam replied, “Don’t praise me just yet—we still gotta see how she runs.”

“She’ll run just fine, I’m pretty damn sure of it.”

Dean went to open the driver’s side door anyway, but he stopped with one hand halfway to the handle as he saw Sam stripping off his t-shirt from the corner of his eye. He slowly glanced to the side, unable to help observing the new muscles that were forming all down Sam’s torso, and was more than a little confused by the strange lurch his stomach gave at the sight.

Shaking it off, he went back to opening the door and sliding into the car. He pulled the keys from his pocket and started her up, grinning from ear to ear as she roared to life without a single hiccup.

“Way to go, Sammy!” Dean called, sticking his head out as he shut the car back off. “And you said cars weren’t your thing.”

Sam shrugged, using his shirt to clean off his face, and Dean found his eyes drawn back to the abs that he didn’t remember his brother having. Of course, he’d been training a lot more lately and was hitting puberty, so it made sense that he’d be getting less gangly, but still…

“What?” Sam muttered, his tone self-conscious as he glanced down at his own body.

Dean snapped out of the little trance he seemed to have slipped into and looked away, getting out of the car.

“Nothin’, I just…” He rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to acknowledge the odd twisting in his gut. “Wonderin’ what happened to my dorky little brother, I guess.”

“I’m still pretty dorky, Dean,” Sam chuckled, moving to stand next to him.

They leaned back against the front of the Impala and Dean tried very hard not to stare at the boy next to him. Because that’s what he was—a boy. He was only fourteen.

“Yeah, ya got that right. A total friggin’ nerd is what you are,” Dean teased, pushing off the car and moving towards the opening of the garage. He needed to get away from Sam—away from the dangerous thoughts starting to form in his mind.

 It wasn’t the first time he’d thought about Sam that way, but just like every other time before he was going to shake it off. It was just some weird phase induced by being so damn close to his brother all the time. That was all.

“See you inside, Sammy. I’m in need of a massive BLT.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sam hadn’t missed how weird Dean was acting in the garage, but he tried not to read too far into it. After all, Sam was growing up and getting stronger and when he’d always been Dean’s kid brother he imagined that had to be a little strange for him.

Probably not the same kind of “strange” that Sam’s feelings for his big brother were. He highly doubted that getting some abs was enough to steer Dean down a path that was as corrupted as the one Sam was walking.

He’d been long gone for a few years now, pining after Dean like some pathetic school girl and hanging around every time he worked on the car just to admire how good he looked while he did it. He’d always looked up to his brother—hell, he’d practically worshipped him since he was four—but it had started turning into a lot more than that the year he turned eleven. That was the year he’d realized there was more to life than monsters and traveling in the Impala, his always overzealous admiration for his brother morphing into something new.  

“What’s on your mind, Sammy?”

The question pulled Sam away from his thoughts and he looked up from the kitchen table where his sandwich sat untouched. Dean was already nearly done with his and he was still chewing a massive bite as he spoke.

“I, uh…was just thinking about Dad,” Sam lied, shrugging. “Wondering when he’s going to be back. It’s been a week already.”

“Well he said this case might take a while. But I can call him tonight if it’ll make ya feel better.”

“Nah…he’ll call when he has time.” Despite the fact that he hadn’t actually been thinking about John he was thinking about him now and he was pissed. A whole week without a phone call to let his sons know he’s okay. No, he didn’t want Dean to call, because it shouldn’t be up to them.

He sighed and pushed his sandwich away, getting to his feet. “I’m gonna go take a shower…”

His appetite was basically non-existent lately, which he knew was odd for a fourteen year old boy. But between his dad taking off for weeks at a time and lusting after his big brother he couldn’t get rid of the pit in his stomach long enough for food.

“You okay?” Dean asked him before he could get out of the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll eat in a little bit, I just feel dirty.”

There was more truth to that statement than Dean could possibly know. How could Sam not feel dirty knowing he was about to go jack off in the shower while he thought about his brother all stretched out underneath the Impala?

Jesus, how did his life get so complicated?

 

* * *

 

Dean could usually get through Sam’s showers without entertaining a single dirty thought. Today, however, within the twenty minute period that he could hear the shower running he managed to have more dirty thoughts than he could count. They had all strung together into some kind of jumbled, twisted fantasy in Dean’s head and by the time he heard the water shut off he was fully hard.

His mind kept going to back to the garage, replaying the sight of Sam stripping off his shirt and glistening with sweat. And then it would roam to Dean pushing his baby brother up against the side of the car and running his hands over his body, exploring the curves of his muscles. Next came the thoughts about following Sam into the shower, wrapping his arms around him from behind, kissing down his neck, and caressing his wet skin…

He tried to stop it—told himself it was wrong and that it was just the shock of realizing how much Sam had grown up—but his mind ran wild anyway.

The rest of the day was basically hell and Dean wound up outside helping Bobby work on a truck, because he couldn’t handle being near Sam. He had to get his head straight first—had to get all those crazy thoughts out of it. He figured if he blew off some steam working that he’d be okay.

By the time they headed back into the house Dean was feeling alright. He was much less tense and his head was filled with catalytic converters and faulty spark plugs instead of Sam in the shower. Even when he found his little brother sprawled out on the couch reading The Lesser Key of Solomon and doodling symbols on a notepad he didn’t fall back into the seemingly endless fantasies that had plagued him earlier.

“Hey, nerd,” Dean greeted, flopping down on the couch by Sam’s feet.

Sam lightly kicked him in the side and continued doodling as he grumbled, “Won’t be teasing me when one of these symbols saves your ass.”

“Yeah, yeah…watch your mouth.” Dean smirked at him before standing up and heading for the bathroom. It was his turn for a shower now and as he stripped he mentally recited different monsters and how to kill them to keep from picturing Sam where he was about to be.

 

* * *

 

Morning meant more work in the salvage yard for the boys. That particular morning it was loading up scrap metal, a job they were happy to do early on before it could get too hot. But even starting at seven in the morning didn’t save them from the heat that was already settling in at ten.

They had both worked up a sweat and Sam’s shaggy hair was sticking to his forehead. Dean could tell it was driving him crazy by the way he kept trying to flip it off his face and he got flipped off a couple of times for laughing at his brother.

“That’s why I keep mine short,” Dean taunted as he set down another load of metal. He stopped after that to take a breather and get a swig of water.

Sam joined him, snatching the bottle of water from him and sucking half of it down before handing it back.

“I was drinking that, bitch.” Dean chugged down what was left and smirked as Sam retorted, “Yeah, whatever, jerk.”

“Take five?” Sam suggested, leaning back against the truck where they were loading everything.

“Definitely.” It was the last load they had to do and they were halfway done, so he figured a short break was acceptable. “Between the growth spurt you’re goin’ through this summer and all this work Bobby has us doin’ you’re gonna be bigger than Dad in no time.”

Sam laughed at that, a smug smile forming on his lips. “I’ll be bigger than you.”

“Yeah, well…doesn’t mean I won’t still be able to kick your ass.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Sam nudged him playfully and sighed before suddenly pulling his shirt over his head. “It’s crazy hot today. Doesn’t usually get this bad here.”

Dean wanted to reply, but he felt like his heart was stuck in his throat. He was really wishing it _wasn’t_ so hot, because normally Sam didn’t feel so compelled to take his clothes off. They traveled so much and spent so many chilly nights in the Impala that it was a rare occasion for Dean to see Sam shirtless, but now it had happened two days in a row.

And _god_ did he look good like that, sweat glistening over his slender back and his jeans riding low on his hips…

“Uh, yeah…s’weird…,” Dean muttered, forcing his eyes to the ground. “Look, why don’t we get this load finished so we can get outta the heat then, huh?”

And so Sam could put his damn shirt back on. Dean didn’t know what the hell had gotten into him—he wasn’t even into guys and he _definitely_ shouldn’t be into his brother, but he’d be a liar if he tried to say he wasn’t starting to find Sam attractive.

Things went quickly after that and Dean focused as much as he could on the work and not the way Sam’s muscles flexed as he lifted the next load of scraps. It was a challenging task, much more challenging than it should be, and by the time Bobby was driving off with the truck Dean was hurrying inside so that his brother wouldn’t notice the bulge in his jeans.

 

* * *

 

The next week was the longest week of Dean’s life. Only one phone call from Dad to tell them he’d be at least another three days, and then the constant struggle with his sudden freak attraction to his little brother. He felt like he was going crazy by their tenth day at Bobby’s.

Of course, he’d also just decided to fess up to himself that he wanted Sam by that day as well, because there was just no point in denying it. It was only getting worse with each day and now it was little things that were getting to him. Sam’s shoulder bumping his as they hung over the engine of a car, the dimples on Sam’s cheeks when he grinned at Dean’s jokes, the way he was always sweeping his hair out of his eyes…

That last one used to annoy the hell out of Dean, but four days after the first shirt incident and it was kind of endearing.

Two more days passed and Dad was on his way back to Sioux Falls—he’d be there in the morning. But by this point Dean wasn’t really all that sure he wanted to leave.

He had so much alone time with Sam—in the scrapyard, in the guest room they shared, flopped down on the couch in front of the TV while Bobby did research for his fellow hunters—and with the strange, blossoming feelings he was having he valued that time more than ever.

He was thinking about that rather deeply as night fell and he sat on his bed, watching Sam out of the corner of his eye. He was pretending to read a car magazine while Sam stuck his nose in some big book, but he hadn’t paid attention to a single page in front of him. How could he? It was impossible with Sam sitting there looking so studious and completely entranced in what he was reading. That used to bug Dean as well, but hey, a lot had changed over the past week.

“Whatcha readin’, Sammy?” he asked, finally giving up on his pretense all together.

“Nothing you’d like,” Sam assured him, flipping to the next page.

“Oh, c’mon, try me. You’re not the only one who likes to geek out sometimes, Sam. I _love_ Star Wars.”

His brother laughed at that, setting his book in his lap and smiling at Dean. “It’s called A Game of Thrones.”

“Well that sounds kinda cool. Let me read the back.” He held out his hand and was a little surprised when Sam actually tossed the book to him. He caught it and flipped it over, reading the description and deciding it sounded like something he’d actually be willing to read sometime.

“Dean…what’s up with you this week?”

The question caught Dean off guard and he glanced up from the book with wide, bewildered eyes. “Whataya mean?”

“I dunno, man, you’re just… _nice_.”

“Now hold up just a minute—you sayin’ I’m mean?” Dean frowned playfully at Sam, hoping to just joke this whole conversation away. Sam really didn’t want to know what was causing his change in attitude.

“No, that’s not what I mean, but you’ve just been…you don’t give me as much shit, I guess.” He shrugged and eyed Dean curiously.

“Looks like I’m slackin’ then. Better pick back up with the girl jokes or somethin’ before I lose my touch.”

“Dean, seriously,” Sam huffed, sitting up straighter. “You’re acting different. You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”

“Jesus, Sam, you really _are_ a girl. It’s nothin’, alright, I’m just in a good mood. S’that a crime?” He was getting a little too snippy and defensive now, but he doubted it would surprise Sam. He’d never been one for sharing his feelings and this had to be about the reaction his brother was expecting to get.

Sam backed off after that, leaning back again and frowning as he said, “Fine, sorry I asked.”

Dean didn’t reply. There was nothing for him to say that wouldn’t send Sam running and screaming. He knew he could talk to Sam about just about anything, but he doubted his brother wanted to hear about how painfully appealing Dean found his abs.

So instead he tossed him back his book and laid down, pulling his blanket over him and closing his eyes. It had only been two days since he’d admitted to himself how he felt about Sam and it was already killing him.

 

* * *

 

A phone call from John in the middle of the night informed the boys that their dad’s arrival was going to be postponed for another day or so. Apparently he hadn’t cleared up the situation as well as he’d thought and he had to go back to tie up some loose ends.

Sam couldn’t be happier to hear that news, although he knew Dean would be pissed about it. Dean never liked staying in one place for long and he _definitely_ didn’t like not having something to hunt, but to Sam it was heaven.

Strangely enough though, Dean was in a fairly good mood the following morning. He even helped Bobby make breakfast, which included pancakes, bacon, and fried eggs. And when he sat Sam’s plate on the table in front of him he clapped his brother on the back and said, “’Eat up, kid. We’ll be back to McMuffins in a day or two.”

They headed out to do some body work on the Impala when they were finished, which Sam couldn’t be more excited about. Watching Dean work on his baby was one of Sam’s favorite pass times and it became very obvious why that was in no time.

His face drawn in concentration, jaw tight as he scans the damage, muscles flexing as he hammers out the dents…and then the gentle, calculating caress of his hand over the surface of the metal as he decides whether or not he is finished.

Dean was always beautiful, but when he worked on cars it was all accentuated. Every little detail that Sam cherished shined in a way that made him breathless. He could watch him work all day long.

However, Dean usually didn’t stand for that. He’d talk Sam into helping out, insisting he needed to know how to fix up a car on his own.

That was why Sam was a bit confused when his brother didn’t ask for his help that day. He didn’t even speak. He just worked diligently, zoned in on the Impala, giving Sam the opportunity to stare a lot harder than usual.

He had a book in his hands, trying to put on the pretense of reading rather than oogling his big brother, but he hadn’t read a word. Occasionally he would flip a page and he tried to keep his head down, but other than that he didn’t bother with the façade. And when Dean popped the hood, bending over the engine, Sam nearly forgot about the book altogether.

His brother liked to wear very flattering jeans, ones that hugged all the right spots without taking away from the generally masculine look he went for. They only looked better when he was bent over like that, showing off what Sam had decided was the best ass he’d ever seen.

He bit his lip as his eyes roamed over Dean’s body, his heart racing a little faster. He shifted on the stool he sat on, attempting to hide the evidence of his arousal in case his brother finally decided to glance his way.

“Hey, Sammy?”

The sound of Dean’s voice startled Sam slightly. He gave a little start before he replied as coolly as he could manage, “What’s up?”

“Wanna come over here and help me with somethin’?” Dean finally glanced over at him, his face relaxed and free of any suspicion. Good—apparently the book front was working.

Sam hopped off the stool, making his way over to the car and bending over next to Dean. “Sure, what’re we doing?”

He scanned the engine, trying to see what it was the Dean might need help with. He didn’t get far with his examination though, because suddenly he was being grabbed by the arm and pulled back while his brother shut the hood of the car. As soon as it slammed shut, Sam was being spun around and his legs were pressed into the grill.

“Dean, wha—?” Sam sputtered as his brother gripped the tops of his arms and stared at him intently. His green eyes were dark and wild and his jaw was taut. Their bodies were pressed about as close together as they could be without Dean putting his arms around Sam and Sam’s heart thundered his chest.

“Sammy…,” Dean muttered, his voice breaking in the middle of the word.

“You okay, man?” Sam could barely get the words out, his breath short and his head spinning. He’d never been this close to Dean, not like this. He didn’t want to think about what this could mean, because if he was wrong…well, he didn’t know if he could take that.

“Why? Why do you sit and watch me like that?” Dean’s tone was demanding, but his voice shook.

Sam’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. How the hell was he supposed to reply to that? He couldn’t tell him the truth, but he didn’t have a good excuse.

“S’it ‘cause you like what you see?” His brother was basically whispering now and his hands were sliding down Sam’s arms. “Like how I look all bent over under the hood like that?”

Dean moved in closer, his face hovering just in front of Sam’s. Sam stared in shock, hardly able to believe what was happening. He had to be dreaming, because there was no way—no way in _hell_ —that Dean was actually pinning him again the Impala and _hitting on him._

“C’mon, Sammy, tell me.” Dean’s hands moved to his hips. “Tell me how hot it gets you watchin’ me get all dirty...’cause it does, doesn’t it? That’s why you watch me all the time. And I know I’m right. Wanna know how?”

Sam still hadn’t managed to find his voice, let alone his ability to move, but Dean went on anyway.

“It’s pretty obvious, if you pay attention.” He lifted one hand, pressing it to the side of Sam’s neck and stroking his thumb over the pulse point under his jaw. “Your hearts racin’ so fast…and you’re hard as a damn rock…”

He pushed his hips forward into Sam’s, a small smirk forming on his lips when his little brother couldn’t  hold back the little moan that left him.

Sam found out quickly that he wasn’t the only one who was hard and that knowledge practically made him dizzy. “Dean…”

His eyes were pleading as he stared at his brother. Not begging for any more of that glorious friction, just for a real confirmation of what was happening. He needed to know that Dean wanted him, too—that this wasn’t some sick joke and that Dean wasn’t about to disown him and call him a freak.

He seemed to know what Sam needed, because his expression softened and he said quietly, “Sammy…it’s okay.”

“Is it though? I mean, Dean, we’re…” _Brothers_. He knew this wasn’t a normal thing for brothers to do, but then again when had he and Dean ever been normal? Their whole life disregarded the rules of society.

“I haven’t really figured that part out yet,” Dean admitted, his hand still resting on Sam’s neck. His thumb absent mindedly stroked his jawline, soothing him. “But man, I just…this past week…I’ve just been seeing things really differently…”

Sam’s heart sank at that. The past week? That was all? God, he’d been pining after Dean longer than he could remember. Ever since he understood what romantic feelings were about he’d only ever had them for his brother—his hero.

“Dean, I dunno if we should do this,” he sighed, glancing down at their bodies pressed intimately together. He wanted this more than anything, but not if it was just some passing whim or some side effect of being pushed together at Bobby’s for the past couple weeks where he couldn’t a random girl to hook up with.

“Why? ‘Cause we’re brothers? ‘Cause, I mean, Sammy—”

“No, that’s not why. I just…don’t want you to do anything you’re going to regret later.” And surely he’d regret this at some point. As soon as Dad was back and hunting and training were a part of their everyday lives again, Dean would want to call the whole thing off. He’d say Dad couldn’t find out and that it was wrong and it would all be over. Sam couldn’t handle that.

“Sam…”

“No. Just…just don’t, okay? One week, man? You don’t know what you want, not that quick, and I can’t deal with it when you decide it’s not what you want.”

He pushed past Dean and hurried out of the garage, knowing if he waited another minute that he wouldn’t be able to tell Dean no. 


	2. Only Tonight

Dean didn’t bother trying to deny what Sam had said. It’s not like he really knew what he wanted from Sam, he just knew that he did _want_ him. What had just happened between then, that hadn’t been planned. He hadn’t lured Sam outside in some attempt to seduce him. He’d just felt Sam’s eyes on him, watching him so eagerly, and that confirmation that everything he felt was mutual…well, he hadn’t been able to resist it.

He’d honestly wanted his little brother to help him with the car, but as soon as their arms brushed against each other Dean had lost it. After a week of fantasizing and watching every little thing Sammy did, he had just given over to the need pulsing inside of him.

This wasn’t how he’d wanted it to go. He didn’t know quite how he’d wanted it to play out, but he definitely didn’t want Sam to walk out on him.

Sighing and leaning his head back against the driver seat of the Impala, he thought about what his brother had said. That it had only been a week and he didn’t know what he wanted. That he was going to decide later on that it wasn’t for him.

There wasn’t quite as much truth to that as Sam might think though. It hadn’t only been a week. Dean had been brushing off thoughts of Sam for a long time now. He’d always been _too_ protective of his brother and had always cared just a bit more than he probably should. Sammy had always been his world and he wanted to give him everything and at some point that “everything” had become a lot more literal.

No, it had only been a week since he’d decided to accept it, but not since it had been true. And he knew there was a world of complications to go with it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Being with Sam like he just had been—being that close to him and feeling and seeing what he could to do his brother, that was worth whatever shit they might have to face.

 

* * *

 

The day hadn’t gone at all how Sam had expected it to. The incident with Dean in the garage was running relentlessly through his mind as he lay in the guest room and although half of him was soaring with bliss, the other half was completely broken up over it all.

The idea that Dean could want him, too, even if it was just on a physical level…hell, that was more than Sam had ever hoped for. But that wasn’t all Sam wanted out of his brother. It couldn’t be enough for him, not if they crossed that line. Playing it safe, just being brothers, that was a life he was used to, but he couldn’t live with a life where Dean only half wanted him.

He didn’t remember when he’d discovered he was in love with Dean. There wasn’t some distinct moment where his curiosity and attraction had turned into more. But he _was_ in love with him and if they were going to be together in any way, he wanted it to be in every way.

How was Sam supposed to tell him that though? How did he admit that he had feelings for Dean that were beyond physical attraction? Could he ever accept that? Could he ever feel the same way?

A million questions raced through Sam’s mind until he eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep. But there was no escape from the madness when he closed his eyes, because his dreams were filled with what might have happened if he hadn’t walked out of that garage.

 

* * *

 

It was impossible for the boys to avoid each other all day. Even taking their food into separate rooms at dinner and letting Bobby assume they’d just had some silly, brotherly spat couldn’t help the fact that they had to share a bedroom. Neither of them wanted to sleep on the couch and eventually they were both trying their hardest not to look at one another as they changed into their pajamas.

Dean wanted to talk to Sam so bad he couldn’t stand it, but he didn’t know what to say. He had no idea where the hell he was supposed to start. The whole thing was crazy and so beyond anything he’d ever imagined would happen and their dad would be back soon to complicate everything further…

He slipped on his t-shirt and boxers and stared down at his bed, wondering if he should just go to bed and pretend everything was fine when he woke up in the morning. Maybe it would all blow over with time and they could just keep being brothers and nothing more.

Damn, that sounded like torture just thinking it, but what else was he supposed to do? He was the big brother. He needed to be responsible. Things between them couldn’t go anywhere, not really, not when they had Dad over their shoulder constantly. Sammy would just get hurt and Dean couldn’t let that happen.

“Hey, Dean?” Sam muttered, pulling Dean from his thoughts.

“Yeah, Sammy?” His heart gave a heavy, almost painful thud at Sam’s voice, fear of what he might say mingling with a nearly overwhelming desire to close the space between them.

There was a moment of silence that felt like the longest few seconds of Dean’s life, but then Sam finally broke it as he muttered, “Goodnight.”

“Yeah…goodnight.” Dean’s heart sank as he crawled into bed, not at all surprised when he started wishing that Bobby hadn’t gotten rid of the old king size bed and traded it out for two twins.

 

* * *

 

John came back as scheduled this time and Dean was somewhat relieved. He needed to get back to his normal life and get his head off of Sam. They’d put on a decent charade of normalcy for the past twelve hours of the day, but it was killing Dean. He imagined it was probably killing Sam, too, but the kid was doing a good job pretending it didn’t faze him.

 However, all hell broke loose when it was finally time to go. John told the boys to get their things and meet him outside, but as Dean went to go get his back he saw Sam go still.

“I don’t wanna go,” Sam muttered, staring at the kitchen floor and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Excuse me?” John stepped forward, fixing Sam with a stern stare. “You do know that we have a _job_ to do, right, Sam?”

Sam swallowed hard and glanced up at his father, straightening up slightly as he did so. “It’s not what I want, Dad. I want to go to school, be a normal kid.”

 “Samuel Winchester, you go get your bags and get in your brother’s car, _now_.”

“No.” Dean’s little brother stared back at their father stubbornly. “I want to stay with Bobby.”

“Now, Sam…,” Bobby sighed, stepping up next to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. “You know I’d love to have ya, but it ain’t up to me. John’s your father, you gotta do what he says.”

“But Bobby, I could help you,” Sam suggested, looking over at the older man. “I could do research and stuff like that. I could still hunt.”

Dean felt like he couldn’t breathe. If Sam stayed, if John would let him, Dean would have to leave without him. He didn’t know how he could do that. He’d always taken care of Sam, had always been with him. Being without him would be like trying to live without oxygen. He didn’t know how the hell he would manage it.

“Sammy,” Dean muttered, meeting his brother’s eyes when he turned around. “You belong with me and Dad. You gotta know that, right?”

He saw a flicker of sadness in Sam’s eyes, but it was quickly disguised by a determined, steady gaze. “You’re my family and I love you, but no. I don’t think I belong out there on the road. It’s not for me, never has been.”

That seemed to be all John could take, because he lurched forward and gripped Sam’s upper arm tightly. “That’s enough! You’re fourteen and hormonal, but that doesn’t mean you get to just bail out on your family. You’re coming with us and you’re too damn young to be tellin’ me no.”

“John, I’m gonna need you to take a step back,” Bobby insisted, reaching for John’s arm in an attempt to pry his hand away from Sam. “We can discuss this like the grown men we are or you can march your ass outta my house.”

He fixed his friend with a warning glare and John grudgingly obeyed, letting go of Sam and backing up. “He’s only fourteen, Bobby. The kid doesn’t know what he wants.”

“Yes, I do!” Sam snapped, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “Jesus, Dad, I hate it out there! Freezing in the back of the Impala and eating fast food all the time? Always changing schools? That’s not a life! It’s fucked up!”

“You watch your mouth with me, boy!” their father hissed, closing the space between them once again. “Now go get your things, dammit! I’m not arguing all night!”

“Dad, stop,” Dean protested, seeing the fear that flashed in Sam’s eyes. He’d never admit to it, but when Dad yelled like that it had always freaked him out.

“Dean, stay outta this!”

“No, you’re scaring him,” he pressed, moving forward and putting an arm around Sam. “Dad…maybe…maybe we should talk about this. I mean…Sammy’s a smart kid, he’s got a lot of potential and—”

“And this world is a dark and dangerous place, Dean! I need to be able to look after him! You know what’s out there.”

It was the hardest thing in the world for Dean to disobey his father, especially when it involved losing Sam, but he had to do it. If this was really what his brother wanted then Dean would fight for it.

“He’d be safe here. Bobby knows more than all three of us put together and you know it. And Sammy’s right, he could help Bobby out and go to school at the same time. It’d be good for him.”

It’d be good for him. That’s what Dean told himself. It was good for Sam and that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter that leaving his brother behind would practically kill him. After all, he didn’t seem to be what was best for Sam anymore, not with what had happened over the past week. Maybe if they were separated Sam could move on, find a nice girl and have a good life.

“Bobby, you’d be okay with that, right?” Dean glanced at the man that was basically a second father to them and knew what he’d say.

“Of course, but this ain’t up to me. Ya’ll gotta come to a decision as a family and if it’s alright with John, I’ll look after Sam.”

Dean looked at his father, willing him to give this some thought. “You don’t have to decide right now, Dad. We could crash here tonight and you could sleep on it. Just…don’t push this aside. Think about what’s best for Sammy.”

Sam leaned into Dean at that, resting his head against him, and Dean tightened the arm he had around him.

John was silent for quite a while, staring at the boys in front of him pensively. His jaw was tight and his eyes were clouded with anger, but he was thinking it over.

After what felt like forever he finally agreed, “I’ll think on it. But I’m not promising anything. And if I say we all go in the morning, then we all go. Got that?”

Both Sam and Dean nodded, a small smile forming on Sam’s lips. He glanced over at Dean and said softly, “Thanks for that…”

“No problem, kiddo. Let’s go get some sleep, kay?”

Sam nodded again, following Dean as he headed back to their room.

 

* * *

 

Sam refused to stop touching his brother. He stayed at his side all the way to their room and when they got there he tugged Dean towards his bed. As expected, Dean went to pull away and move to his own bed, but Sam protested, “Dean…just for tonight? Please?”

He let his eyes plead with his brother, knowing that Dean couldn’t resist them. He’d never been able to.

“Yeah, Sammy, alright…,” he agreed, a small, but sad smile forming on his lips.

They lay on Sam’s bed, pulling the covers over them and lying on their sides to make room. They were staring right at each other now, their breath mingling between them, and Sam reached across the tiny space to grip the front of Dean’s shirt.

“I’m sorry, Dean…I know you don’t want me to stay.”

His brother’s eyes grew dark at that and he grimaced. “No, I don’t. But I gotta stop thinking about me. If this is what’s best for you….if it’s what makes you happy…”

“It doesn’t make me happy to lose you.”

Sam was laying it all out there, because he didn’t know when he’d have another chance. Yes, he’d hear from Dean all the time and surely he and John would visit, but it wouldn’t be like this. The tension and the lingering hurt at the thought of not constantly being together like they always had…they’d get used to being apart eventually, but right now the idea hurt more than Sam could ever say.

“You’re not gonna lose me,” Dean muttered. His hand moved to rest on top of Sam’s, which was still holding onto the white t-shirt like it was a life line. “You know we’ll come see you and I’ll call you all the time.”

“Yeah, I know, but…s’not really the same,” Sam sighed. “But I have to do this. I can’t live that life, Dean. I don’t know how.”

“I know, Sammy. You don’t have to explain it to me.”

“No, just to Dad.”

Dean chuckled at that and nodded. “Yeah…I think he’ll come around. I’m pretty sure Bobby is talking to him about it right now.”

Sam didn’t miss the hurt in Dean’s eyes as he spoke and it cut into him like a blade. He didn’t like hurting Dean.

They went silent for a while, just staring intently at one another. Dean’s thumb caressed Sam’s hand and Sam tried to memorize every line and slope of Dean’s face, knowing just how much he was going to miss seeing it every day.

The moment was strange, like something out of another life that wasn’t theirs. But at the same time it was so right that neither of them bothered to try changing it. Despite their hesitance to acknowledge out loud what had happened between them, they were acknowledging it now, like this.

Sam had no idea how much time passed before Dean passed out or how long he lay there watching his brother sleep. He didn’t care. He’d seen that face every day of his life since he was born and soon that was going to change, so he stared at it until sleep took him, too.

 

* * *

 

When morning came there was an unusual calm that settled over the kitchen as everyone ate. There were no angry words or tense discussions. They all just ate in peace as if everyone had come to the same conclusion about what would happen when the food was gone. Like they didn’t want to ruin the last meal the Winchester’s would have as a full family for quite a while.

When all of their plates were empty and the distraction of eating was no longer an option, John cleared his throat and announced, “So, I talked with Bobby for a while last night and I made a decision. It’s not what I want to do, but I can’t argue with what’s best for my son, so Sam…you can stay.”

Sam didn’t make any whoops of excitement or even bother to smile. He just met their dad’s gaze and said, “Thanks, Dad.”

John nodded and glanced down at the table. Dean was pretty sure he was trying not to cry, but he wasn’t going to call him out on it. This was hard for both of them.

“You gotta help Bobby like you said though. No slacking. There’s still monsters out there, Sam, and you gotta be smart and you’ve gotta do your part, okay? If I find out you’re not I will have no problems driving back here and picking you up.”

“Okay,” Sam replied simply.

“Okay…well, I guess your brother and I should probably get going. Got a lead on something a couple of cities over that I wanna check out.”

Dean’s stomach lurched at those words and he bit the inside of his lip, trying not to cry himself. He didn’t want to leave Sam and now that it was time to do so his entire body was screaming at him not to do it.

Somehow he managed to get go grab his things and meet everyone in the kitchen. He walked in as John was hugging Sam and finishing their goodbyes.

Sam turned to him next and the pain in his eyes nearly floored Dean. He looked exactly how Dean felt—like some essential part of his soul was being ripped away and the rest of the world was just telling him, “Hey, kid, you’ll be fine without it. Suck it up.”

“C’mere, Sammy,” he said, opening his arms. Sam didn’t hesitate to walk into them, hugging him so tightly it was almost painful.

“Think we should give them a moment?” he heard Bobby suggest. John didn’t reply out loud, but a moment later he heard the front door opening and closing. They were alone now.

“Dean, you have to call me every day, okay?” Sam insisted, his voice weak and soft.

“Yeah, okay, ya girl,” Dean joked half-heartedly. “I will, I promise.”

“And be safe. Please.”

“I’ll do my best. I always do, right?”

Sam squeezed him impossibly tighter and Dean felt another crack forming in his heart. He pressed his face into Sam’s neck, closing his eyes to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall, and without really meaning to he placed a soft kiss to Sam’s skin.

“Dean…” Sam muttered, his hand wrapping in his brother’s flannel. “Don’t.”

It wasn’t at all what Dean expected him to say and it was like a sucker punch to his gut. “S-sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry,” Sam breathed, finally breaking the hug and taking a small step back. “I just…Dean, you and I…I want that more than anything, but we both know it can’t happen, especially not now. And if the last thing you did before you left was kiss me, I…don’t think I could let you leave.”

“I understand. Still would’ve been nice though…just the one kiss, seeing as we never got that, ya know?” Dean glanced at the floor nervously, his mind racing with all of the unanswered questions about him and Sam.

“Yeah…look, you should probably get going. Dad’s probably getting impatient.”

“Right, yeah, I should,” Dean sighed, clearing his throat and looking back up at his brother. “I’ll talk to you later, Sammy.”

“Talk to you later, Dee.”

That was Dean’s real cue to leave. That nickname was almost enough to make him beg his father to let him stay, too and he had to go before he did something he shouldn’t. He reached out, gripping Sam’s arm for a moment, and then forced himself out the door.

It wasn’t until he climbed into the front seat of the Impala and realized he’d be riding alone for the first time in his life that he finally let himself cry. 


	3. Finding Normal

Sam was so much help over the next few days that it was basically giving Bobby a vacation. He couldn’t handle sitting around in that big house with nothing to do but think about Dean, so he kept himself busy. He answered any calls he could without his still higher-toned voice raising suspicion and did more research than he ever had before. He worked in the salvage yard a lot, too, but he preferred work that kept his brain busy, not just his body.

He missed Dean like crazy already. It was like this black cloud that hung over his head constantly when he didn’t distract himself from it and the only time he wasn’t fighting it off was when he was on the phone was his brother. When he got to hear Dean’s voice it all just cleared away and he was happy again.

It wasn’t like he thought it’d be easy. He knew that not being with Dean was going to feel kind of like dying for a while. After all, it wasn’t just his brother and best friend he was missing, it was the only person he’d ever loved.

The way things had turned out between them was almost enough to drive him insane. Knowing that Dean wanted him—feeling the ghost of that little kiss to his neck or Dean’s hands gripping his hips—it was a constant reminder of what could have been if things had been different. If brothers were allowed to be together without fear of judgment and the wrath of their father.

Bobby seemed worried about Sam. He’d watch him when he didn’t think Sam was looking, eyebrows furrowed and mouth turned down into a concerned frown. He’d sit across from him as Sam did research and ask how it was going, the tone of his voice telling the boy he wasn’t just referring to the book open in front of him.

Of course Sam always said it was going good and put on a smile. He didn’t want to worry Bobby any more than he already was, not unnecessarily. After all, he’d be okay eventually. He just had to get used to the idea of life without Dean at his side practically every second of every day.

Over the first month that seemed easier said than done. He thought about Dean all the time. Whether it was some funny memory triggered by something in the house or the more private, heated thoughts of his brother as he jacked off in bed, Dean was always popping up in his head.

It wasn’t until well into the second month of summer, when Sam finally decided to go into Sioux Falls and get involved in the community a bit, that it started to feel somewhat manageable.

He went to the library first, deciding he needed something to read other than lore. As fascinating as all of it was, it was kind of like work, and he needed a break from it.

He was making his way slowly through the fantasy section when she talked to him for the first time. He heard her voice before he saw her. It was soft and charming as she asked, “Read Game of Thrones? If not, I highly recommend it.”

Sam turned around to see a petite, but curvy girl that looked to be about his age smiling at him. She had long, curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and an oddly appealing beauty mark between her eyebrows. He’d never really paid attention to girls—or anyone but Dean if he was being honest—but he had to admit she was pretty.

“Some people are weirded out by the incest in it, but it never really bothered me. But if that kind of things freaks you out, you might want to pick something else….and I’m rambling, I’m so sorry. My name’s Jess.”

She smiled brightly and stuck out her hand for him to take. He chuckled and shook her hand, grinning back at her and trying not to think about her comments on incest. “I’ve read it, actually. I really liked it. I’m Sam.”

“Nice to meet you, Sam. So, I’ve never really seen you around here. You new to Sioux Falls?”

“Uh, yeah…just moved here a month ago. Been visiting all my life though. Got an uncle here.”

“Cool. Mind if I help you pick some books?” She grinned like it would make her day to share in his adoration for fiction and he didn’t know how he could say no to that. He could use a friend, after all.

“Not at all. What’s good in this library?” He smiled back enthusiastically, feeling good for the first time in weeks.

 

* * *

 

“You’re chipper today,” Bobby observed as they sat down for dinner in the living room. They’d put in an old western movie, something they’d come somewhat accustomed to over the past month.

“Yeah, guess I am,” Sam replied with a shrug as he started in on his potatoes.

“Any reason for that? Or s’it just the fresh air you got in town?”

“I made a friend today. At the library. She helped me pick out some books.”

“She, huh? What’s her name?” Bobby kept a straight face, eyes on the movie, but Sam knew he was more interested in his answer than he let on.

“Jessica Moore.”

The man smiled at that and nodded. “I know who she is. Good kid—real bright.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool. I’m supposed to meet her back at the library tomorrow. If that’s okay?” He threw the question in at the end simply out of respect. Bobby may not be his father, but he was the one taking care of Sam now and he owed him that.

“Sure, kid. Go for it. You could use some socialization for once.”

Sam knew exactly what he was thinking just by the tone of his voice. He wanted Sam to do something other than mope over Dean being gone. Unfortunately, that reminder punctured the little bubble of happiness he’d been floating around in after meeting Jess and he felt his heart sink.

He ate his food silently after that, laughing at the movie when it was appropriate and nodding at Bobby’s comments, but he just wanted to get upstairs and call his brother

 

* * *

 

Dean answered his phone almost as soon as it rang, knowing it would be Sam. That was pretty much the only person who bothered to call his cell and not his dad’s.

“Hey, Sammy,” he greeted, a broad smile forming on his face.

“Hey, Dean. How’s it goin’?”

“Not too bad. Still hunting a vampire in Michigan. How ‘bout you? Did you have a good day?”

There was silence on the other end for a moment, and then Sam replied slowly, “I did, actually…made a pretty cool friend at the library.”

Dean chuckled at that. “You would be makin’ friends at the library, you nerd. So tell me about ‘em.”

“Uhm, her name’s Jess. She helped me pick out some books and we talked for a while.”

Dean didn’t miss the strain to Sam’s voice, no matter how subtle it was, and he felt his stomach flip rather unpleasantly. Sounded like Sam liked this Jess girl.

“So it’s a girl, huh? That’s…that’s cool. Gonna see her again?” He was trying very hard to be the supportive brother—to encourage Sam to date and do the stuff that normal fourteen year old boys did. It wasn’t easy though, not when he’d give anything to be back there with Sam, kissing him breathless.

“Yeah, we’re meeting up tomorrow,” Sam replied quietly. “Why don’t you tell me more about the vampire? We never ran into one when I was with you guys, is it awesome?”

“Still a hunter at heart, huh, kid?” Dean teased, thankful for the change of subject. “It is kinda awesome….gruesome though.”

He went on about the details for quite a while, grinning whenever Sam gasped or shouted out with excitement. He just loved to hear Sammy’s voice—missed it being right there next to him all the time. Still, the time came to end the call and as usual Dean’s heart broke a little bit as they said goodbye.

“Be safe, Dean,” Sam insisted, concern in his voice.

“Always. You stay outta trouble.”

“I’ll try. Love you, Dee.”

Dean had to choke back the sob threatening to leave his throat and he imagined he sounded kind of funny as he muttered, “Love you, too, Sammy.”

When Sam hung up Dean turned off his phone and dropped it on the motel bed next to him. Never in his life had he been away from his brother anywhere near this long and it was killing him. He wanted to go hop in the Impala and drive to Sioux Falls alone. Wanted to show up in Sam’s room in the middle of the night and wake him up with a kiss, then hold him for the rest of the night.

But he couldn’t do that to Sam. It sounded like he had an interest in that girl and it would be cruel of Dean to intervene. His brother needed that—needed a chance to see what it was like to want someone other than Dean. He needed a shot at normal. That’s why he’d stayed with Bobby, after all.

So instead of taking off into the night, Dean lay down and shut his eyes, doing his best not to let his mind roam back to the garage at Bobby’s where all of this had started.

 

* * *

 

Two more weeks passed and Sam spent almost every day with Jess. They explored the town, Jess showing him everything good about the place and all of her favorite spots.

Sam discovered very quickly that she was an incredibly adventurous and boisterous person. She laughed and smiled all the time and was always dragging him outside to explore.

They talked about books, movies, school, embarrassing stories, their families, everything…everything but Sam’s real past. He was always dodging questions about that or making up half-truths when he couldn’t avoid answering. That was the only complication with the amazing new friendship he’d found—this girl could never really know him. Not when he lived the life he did.

It had been drilled into him from the beginning that he wasn’t supposed to share the truth about the supernatural with people. He knew better than to just spill the beans and tell her everything, no matter how comfortable he was with her.

For the most part it wasn’t a problem considering they had so many other things to talk about, but there were times where it really got to Sam. Times when it made him sad and made him miss his brother more than usual. He never had to hide from Dean and he’d never have to. He missed that.

Still, Jess was incredible and he loved spending time with her. She made him happy, which was something he clung to desperately after that first month of constantly being miserable. It was nice not having to try so hard to enjoy himself.

Sam was having a particularly “up” day on the Saturday of the second week. He had plans to go see a movie with Jess that night and he’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t hoping for it to be a date.

When Bobby dropped him off in town he grinned at him like a proud father and wished him luck in the best way he knew how, which was, “Go get her, tiger.”

Sam just laughed and shook his head, hopping out of the van and heading into the theater.

It turned out that it _was_ a date and Sam figured this out about half way through the movie when Jess grabbed _his_ hand. He felt kind of silly, the girl making the first move, but he was still happy anyway. It gave him the guts to eventually slide his arm around her and he smiled as she pushed the arm rest out of the way to snuggle closer to him.

They didn’t kiss as they said goodbye, mostly because Jess’s parents were waiting on her, but also because Sam was too nervous to do that just yet. He’d never kissed anyone before and if he was being honest, the idea of Dean not being his first kiss still made him feel pretty awful.

He tried not to think about that when he got home and dialed his brother’s number. They were brothers and brothers were supposed to talk about their dates without thinking about how much they’d rather be going to movies with each other.

When Dean didn’t answer Sam was almost relieved. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to him, he just didn’t want to hear the disappointment in Dean’s voice when he told him what he’d been up to that night.

As he walked out into the living room where Bobby was doing some research, the older man looked up at him and said, “Well that was quick. You two never finish a phone call that fast.”

“Yeah, that’s cause he didn’t answer,” Sam sighed, flopping down next to Bobby.

“Ah, well, don’t worry too much. I’m sure he’ll call tomorrow. I already told him about your little date.”

Sam’s heart dropped down into the couch at those words. “You did? What’d he say?”

Bobby glanced over at him, probably noticing the slight edge to his tone, and he did his best to look calmer.

“Nothin’ really. Just said ‘that’s my little brother’ and some shit about Winchester genes. Ya know how he is.”

Sam nodded at that, trying not to let the tangle of nerves he was feeling show. “Yeah. I’m gonna head to bed. Night, Bobby.”

“G’night, kiddo.”

Sam wasn’t going to look too deep into the fact that Dean didn’t answer his phone. He could be busy on a hunt or sleeping. However, that didn’t stop the nagging little voice in the back of Sam’s head that said he’d ignored the call because he was mad.

No matter how much they talked and played things off like they were fine, they’d never really gotten past that last week together. It was there in some of the little jokes Dean made that weren’t quite appropriate to say to your brother and in the waver of Sam’s voice every time he said “I love you”.

No, things weren’t at all as normal as they pretended they were and Sam wouldn’t blame Dean one bit for being mad at him or being jealous. After all, he’d been the one who called it all off and had let Dean go.

God, he didn’t know why he couldn’t just be happy. Jess was a great girl and he could never have Dean in the way he wanted to.

That didn’t stop him from flying out of his bed and dashing down the stairs when he heard the phone ring though. It didn’t stop his mind from eagerly yelling out Dean’s name, a hopeful burst of happiness forming in his chest just at the idea of hearing his brother’s voice.

However, as he made it into the kitchen to see Bobby standing with the phone to his hear, all of his hope was instantly deflated. There was a grim expression on the man’s face and his voice was low and choked as he said, “Sam, go upstairs and pack some clothes. We’ve gotta take a trip to Connecticut.”

“Why?” Sam demanded, his stomach lurching horribly and his heart hammering in his chest. The only thing he could think was “not Dean, not Dean, not Dean.”

“It’s Dean. There was an accident with a werewolf and he’s hurt pretty bad,” Bobby explained.

That was all the explanation Sam needed. Without another word from Bobby he was running up the stairs to pack. 


	4. Waiting

 

 

The ride to Connecticut was hell for Sam. The first thing he’d asked Bobby was if Dean had been bit, but apparently he hadn’t. However, he’d gotten scratched up pretty bad and in an attempt to save him from turning John had taken him to some kind of witch doctor.

Sam didn’t like the idea of any kind of voodoo or magic near his brother. No matter how little stock he put into stuff like that, it still made him nervous. But of course he liked the idea of Dean becoming a werewolf even less, so he didn’t complain.

His only real concern was getting to Dean. He wanted to be there with him through whatever came next, no matter what that may be.

The drive took about twenty-four hours, Bobby only stopping for gas when he had to. They made it to the house—which Sam thought was surprisingly normal considering who lived inside—late the next night and Sam almost didn’t bother to knock. He was about to just hurry inside when Bobby pulled him back by the shoulder and tapped at the door.

“I know you’re worried, kid, but have some manners,” he huffed.

Sam frowned and waited impatiently, arms crossed as he listened to the footsteps on the floor inside. When the door finally swung open it was John who greeted them, a grim and exhausted expression on his face. There were bags under his eyes and Sam was pretty sure he hadn’t slept at all, but he still mustered up a smile for his son.

“Hey, Sammy,” he greeted quietly, pulling the boy into a hug.

Sam returned it half-heartedly, just wanting to get to Dean. He pulled back and asked, “Where is he? Is he okay?”

John chuckled, but the sound was weak. “Should’ve known you’d be all about him once you got here. He’s right in there with Layna.”

John gestured to the living room to his left and Sam pushed past him, moving at a slow run until he dropped to his knees at the side of the couch where Dean lay.

He barely noticed the tall, dark haired woman working at a desk on the other side of the room. He’d noticed on his way in that seemed to be mashing something up with a mortar and pestle, but he didn’t bother to ask what it was.

The only thing he truly noticed was Dean—beaten and bruised Dean passed out on the couch. He lay on his back, hands lazily draped over his stomach, and breathed deep and slow. His face was rough, one eye swollen shut and small bruises scattered over his cheekbones and jaw.

Sam, chewing nervously at his lip, carefully moved his brother’s hands and lifted his shirt. He gasped as he took in the long, red gashes down the length of his torso and finally he looked over at the woman he imagined was Layna.

“Is…is he going to be okay?” he asked weakly, tears stinging his eyes. He blinked them back as he pulled Dean’s shirt down and placed his hands back in their previous position.

“He’ll live,” she replied in a soft, low tone. “As for the infection, well…I’ve been treating the wounds every few hours in an attempt to draw out the venom and stop the transformation, but I won’t know until tomorrow if it’s going to work.”

Sam couldn’t hold back the sob that punched out of him. He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore either and he rested his forehead on Dean’s shoulder whimpering, “I’m so sorry, Dean…I should’ve been there…should’ve had your back….”

He felt for his brother’s hand and when he found it he laced his fingers through Dean’s, squeezing tightly. He wanted more than anything to feel Dean squeeze back, but Sam was pretty sure he couldn’t. He was probably sedated and for good reason.

God, if he’d been there…he and Dean always watched out for each other on a hunt. He could’ve seen the attack coming, could’ve done something to stop it. But he’d stayed behind, bailed out on Dean, and now his brother might become one of the monsters he worked so hard to rid the world of.

“Sammy?” It was his father, his voice coming from right behind the boy. Sam felt John’s hand grip his shoulder and heard him say, “It’s not your fault. I was the one who should’ve been looking out for him.”

Sam didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know what to say to any of this. The only thing he wanted was to save his brother and he couldn’t. Only Layna had the power to do that and no one knew if that would be enough.

But at least he was alive. At least Sam hadn’t lost him.

“Dean,” he whispered, lifting his head and looking down at his brother’s mangled face. “I don’t care what happens, I’m going to be there for you, okay? Even…even if you…turn. We’ll get through it together. Okay?”

Dean didn’t answer, but Sam could swear he felt Dean’s hand tighten on his, just the slightest bit.

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t know why he was calling Jess. What the hell was he going to tell her? It wasn’t like he could call her up and say, “Hey, I had to leave town ‘cause my brother is potentially turning into a werewolf.”

Still, he dialed her number and a small smile spread across his face when she answered.

“Hey, Jess, it’s Sam,” he greeted.

“Sam, hey! How are you?” He could hear her smile in her voice and it soothed some of the misery he was feeling at the moment.

“Uhm, not so good…I, uh…had to leave town for a bit,” he said slowly. “It’s my brother. He’s sick and I had to come to Connecticut to be with him.”

“Oh my god! Sick how? Will he be alright?”

“It’s not fatal. He’ll get through it. He’s just…he needs me to be here for him for a while.”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” she said softly. “Any idea when you’ll be back?”

Sam’s heart sank at that. He had no clue when he’d be back. If Dean got through this without turning then Sam could be home in a couple of days, but if things went south…he didn’t know if he’d ever go back. Not permanently anyway. Dean would need him and Sam wasn’t dumb enough to think that John would just let even his own son roam off and put others in danger.

“I’m not sure, but it shouldn’t be too long. I’ll come see you as soon as I get back, I promise.”

“Okay. Call me if you need anything, even just to talk, alright?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Jess. You’re great.”

He smiled, closing his eyes and just listening to her voice as she said, “You’re pretty great yourself.”

“Meh, I’m alright,” he chuckled. “I should probably go, but I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye, Jess.”

“Bye, Sam.”

He hung up, a strange whirl of emotions moving through him. He really liked this girl and maybe it was just teenage naivety, but he thought that maybe if they had the chance they could have one of those really beautiful love stories. The ones where they met young and spent all their time together, best friends and lovers until they got old enough to get married, and then they’d be spouses, too.

When he looked at Jess he saw everything that he’d been missing out on while he was on the road. He wanted a chance to know her more—to see where it could go.

But then he moved back out into the living room, returning to his spot at Dean’s side and holding his brother’s hand. Yes, he liked Jess, but he loved Dean. He loved him more than anything in the world, loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

And it didn’t matter what future he could have with Jess—if Dean needed him to stay by his side after this, if he was too damaged to make it on his own, then Sam would be there.

 

* * *

 

Bobby and John made an attempt to pull Sam from Dean to have dinner, but unless they dragged him he wasn’t moving. He told them they could just bring him or plate or he didn’t need to eat.

His dad seemed to take pity on him, because a moment later he was walking back into the living room with a plate of food and handing it to his son.

“He’s gonna be okay, Sam.”

“I know he is.” But Sam’s idea of “okay” was a lot different from John’s. Sam would be satisfied as long as Dean was alive and willing to work through whatever else might come. But John…well, Sam had heard him talking. He knew that his father refused to believe that Dean could turn and was holding onto the tiny shred of hope that Layna’s treatments gave them. Any time someone said “if he turns” John would huff and walk away, muttering about how no son of his was going to be a werewolf and that Dean would be fine.

“You, uh…want me to see if Layla has some extra blankets? I don’t imagine I’m going to be able to make you sleep upstairs, am I?”

Sam shook his head. “Nope, you’re not.”

He’d squeeze onto the couch with his brother if he wasn’t worried about hurting him.

“Alright, well I’ll see what we can do to make you comfortable. This wood floor isn’t exactly cozy.” John walked out of the room again, calling for Layna.

Sam just looked back down at Dean, soaking up the sight of his face. Even beaten to hell he was beautiful and Sam was just happy to be there with him again. A month and a half was much too long to go without him and if he was being honest he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make himself leave.

 

* * *

 

Morning came and Sam was exhausted. He’d tried to sleep, he really had, but it was impossible. Short of the few times he dozed off for a bit he hadn’t managed to get much rest.

When he sat up, gaze moving to his brother instinctually, he yawned and rubbed at his eyes groggily. However he only had about a few seconds to really feel how tired he was before adrenaline kicked in and woke him up. Today they would find out the verdict and things would either carry on the way they had for years or Dean’s entire world would be flipped upside down.

Sam kicked the blankets off and he went out to the kitchen, finding the adults all seated around the table and drinking coffee.

“When will we know?” he demanded, eyes landing on Layna.

She set her cup down, looking up at him with a gentle smile on her lips. “Soon, Sam. I have to give him the last treatment in an hour. If all goes well the venom should push itself out, the wounds should heal considerably, and he’ll be fine.”

“And if it doesn’t go well?”  

“The wounds will scar and seal in the venom and he will turn.” There was sympathy in her eyes as she stated the worst case scenario, but it gave way to irritation when John spoke.

“No worries, Sammy. Your brother is strong. He’s not going to turn.”

Sam was pretty annoyed by that as well. As much as he wanted to believe that, and as much as he believed in Dean, he knew the chances of him surviving scratches that deep without turning were slim. He was prepared to deal with the worst.

“And what if he does, Dad? What’re you going to do?” Sam snapped, unable to hold back his questions any longer. “Are you going to put a silver bullet in him? Put down your own son?”

“Don’t you think that’s what he’d want?” John retorted before sucking back the rest of his coffee.

“He might _think_ it’s what he wants, but he just needs a chance to learn how to manage it. He’s strong enough to get through it; he just needs us to support him.”

“Support him while he’s running rampant every month and slaughtering innocent people, Sam?”

Sam scoffed at that and resisted the urge to scream at his father. That wouldn’t solve anything. “Dad, if he turns we can find a way to keep him from hurting people. We can lock him up when there’s a full moon—feed him cattle or something. I know it’s not the most glorious plan, but it’s only once a month. He could still live a full life.”

“Well, I can promise you he won’t want to live like that,” John muttered, getting up to get more coffee. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, because this is going to work.”

Sam simply turned and marched out of the kitchen, deciding he preferred the silent company of his brother to being around John.

 

* * *

 

An hour later Layna came out to do the last treatment, spreading the thick, greenish ointment over Dean’s wounds and muttering some kind of chant in Latin.

Sam sat back and watched anxiously, his stomach knotted to the point that he thought he might throw up. It seemed like Layna really knew what she was doing and he had hope that this could go well, but the lingering possibility that it might not was more prominent than ever.

It took about five minutes for her to finish her chants, and then she finally stepped back and said, “Give it a moment. We’ll know in just a minute.”

Sam was on his feet now, getting as close to Dean as he could without crowding him. He watched the gashes on his torso nervously, hands balled into fists at his sides.

“C’mon, Dean…c’mon,” he muttered, his heart racing.

When something finally started to happen Sam wasn’t sure which way it was going. The scratch marks were shifting just slightly, almost quivering, but he didn’t know if they were about to close or were working to push out the venom.

It only took a minute for the final result to become obvious though and as it did Sam was pretty sure he was about to pass out.

Plain as day on his brother’s stomach were three long, raised scars, each one red and shiny under the living room light. 


	5. Meet You Halfway

Layna decided it was best to wait for Dean to wake up on his own. His body was going through a very drastic change and it needed to happen at its own pace.

John wasn’t handling it well at all, but that was to be expected. As soon as the gashes had scarred over he’d broken down, crying as though his oldest son was already dead. He’d stormed out of the house punching a nice, big hole into Layna’s wall on his way out, and was still gone two hours later.

“I’m gonna go look for his dumb ass,” Bobby finally grumbled, pushing out the armchair by the couch and grabbing his keys.

“Go ‘head. I’ll be here with Dean if he wakes up,” Sam replied, smiling weakly at Bobby.

Once Bobby headed out Sam and Dean were pretty much alone. Layna was in the kitchen doing dishes and seemed to know that everyone needed time on their own.

Sam decided that he was going to fit himself onto the couch now that the worst of the damage to Dean was under control. He scooted Dean over as gently as he could manage and climbed up next to him, slipping an arm around him to keep from sliding off the edge.

“Dean…I don’t know if you can hear me, but I…I know you’re going to want to give up,” Sam whispered, pressing his forehead to his brother’s. “I know you’re going to want Dad to shoot you. But…the thing is I don’t think you’re just some animal to be put down. You’re still Dean, still _my_ Dean, and I need you.”

Sam snuggled closer to him, their bodies slotted together perfectly, and he continued, “I’ll help you get through this. I promise. Just don’t…don’t give up. Please.”

He didn’t expect a response, so he was very surprised when he felt Dean’s arm wrapping around his waist and pulling him impossibly closer.

“Sammy?” Dean grumbled sleepily, his good eye slowly peeling open. “Sammy, s’that you?”

“Yeah, Dean it’s me. I’m here.” Sam smiled and pressed his hand to the side of his brother’s face.

Dean didn’t ask any questions like Sam expected him to. He didn’t glance around the room in confusion or groan in pain. Instead, he did the last thing his little brother would have expected and closed the small gap between them, kissing him gently.

Sam gasped against Dean’s mouth, but he didn’t protest. How could he when his brother’s warm, eager mouth felt so good?

His first kiss wasn’t as nerve wracking or confusing as he thought it would be. Instead it was natural and soothing, their lips moving slowly together in a rhythm that Sam’s body just seemed to understand without trying.

They held each other for an immeasurable length of time, just kissing one another lazily and indulging in the sweet, simple act that Sam had day dreamed about so many times.

When Dean finally broke the kiss it was only to whisper, “I missed you so much, baby boy.”

Sam’s heart gave a wild flutter at the new pet name and he smiled at his brother. “I missed you, too.”

“I hate to kill the moment, but I figure I should probably ask…what’re you doing here? And uh…where exactly is ‘here’?”

“’Here’ is New Haven, Connecticut. Layna Crouse’s house to be more specific.” Sam was hesitant to say more, afraid of how Dean was going to react when he found out what he was now. He knew it was practically going to kill him and he didn’t want to see the pain in Dean’s eyes.

“And what are we doin’ in Layna Crouse’s house in New Haven, Connecticut?” Dean started to sit up slowly, groaning as he did so, but didn’t bother to ask about how roughed up he was. He was probably just used to that.

Sam felt his stomach twist and he stared up at Dean, pretty sure the fear he felt was written all over his face.

“Sammy?” Dean muttered.  “C’mon, man, what’s goin’ on? You can tell me. What happened?”

Sam sat up as well and took Dean’s hand, holding it tightly. “You’re not gonna like this, Dean…at all. But I want you to promise me you’ll just hear me out, okay?

“Yeah, of course. Just tell me.”

He took a deep breath and decided it was best to just do it quick. They’d get through the worst of things eventually, no matter how bad it might seem.

“You and Dad were hunting a werewolf and it…it roughed you up pretty bad. It, uh…it scratched you.” Sam barely choked out the words and his hand shook as he let go of Dean to grab the hem of his shirt, pulling it up.

Dean looked down at the scars and Sam swore he could see the moment that his brother’s heart dropped. His eyes darkened and his face burned red, but he didn’t move. He remained perfectly still, his jaw and body tense.

“Dean…it’s gonna be okay,” Sam assured him, resting a hand on Dean’s thigh. “We’ll find ways to deal with it. I’ll help you.”

“Sam, don’t touch me,” Dean whispered dangerously, dropping his shirt.

“But…Dean, I—”

“Don’t _touch me_.” He stood swiftly, still staring down, refusing to look at Sam. “I’m not safe. I’m…a monster, Sam. Just stay away from me.”

 

* * *

 

“You’re not a monster.” Sam got to his feet as well, moving to close the space between them. That proved very quickly to be a mistake, because the frightening calm that had settled over Dean suddenly snapped.

“God dammit, Sam!” he roared, dodging around his brother and making his way to the door. “I won’t let myself hurt you, so just stay the hell away!” 

“You won’t hurt me,” Sam pressed, fighting back the urge to cry. He needed to be strong for Dean. “You’re still you; we’re just going to have to make some adjustments once a month.”

“Jesus Christ, I’m not a chick going through PMS! I’m a fucking _werewolf_!”

Bobby and John picked that moment to come walking through the front door, stopping just inside the entryway and staring in shock at the scene playing out.

Dean spun around to see who it was and as soon as his eyes landed on John he demanded, “Dad, you gotta put me down! You know it’s the right thing to do!”

“Dean…god, I’m not gonna say you’re wrong, but I’m not doing it right this second. You owe your family a chance to say goodbye, don’t you think?”

“No one is saying goodbye,” Sam persisted, grabbing Dean’s arm and spinning him around. He met his brother’s furious gaze and said sternly, “Dean, you don’t just get to check out on me. Can’t you at least listen to me? Listen to my ideas? Give it some thought before you have someone put a bullet in you?”

Some of his big brother’s determination slipped, his eyes softening just a fraction. It was enough for Sam to know that he was getting through to him and he went on, “You’re my brother. I love you. And Dean, I _need_ you here with me, okay? So just _please_ …if you can’t do it for you then do it for me, alright?”

“Sammy, I could hurt you,” Dean choked, his anger swiftly and suddenly giving way to sadness. “I could kill you or…worse…”

“Believe it or not I don’t consider being a werewolf worse than dying,” Sam said truthfully. “I know it won’t be easy, but there’s still so much life left for you to live. And I’ll be there with you, every step of the way if you want me to be. Please, Dean. _Please._ Just think about sticking around…with me.”

As Dean’s body sagged, all of the fight going out of him, a question formed in his jade eyes that Sam didn’t need to hear out loud to understand. Dean wanted to know exactly what “with me” meant.

Sam frowned, unable to really give a full answer to that, especially with John and Bobby standing right behind him.

“Can we go out to the Impala and talk for a little while?” Sam asked, trying to convey without words that he fully intended to answer any questions Dean had to the best of his ability.

It took a moment for his brother to decide, but after a while he nodded and said quietly, “Yeah, sure…let’s go.”

* * *

 

Dean didn’t have any anger or fight left in him as he sat next to Sam in the front of his car. He didn’t have much of anything left, honestly. He felt kind of dead inside; numb and just floating off to some distant place where nothing could touch him.

Death was something he had always been able to face with a smirk and maybe even some a joke or two, but this…becoming the very thing he’d dedicated his whole life to destroying…

He pushed that thought away and glanced over at Sam. He was sitting quietly, his eyes sad as he watched Dean and waited for him to speak.

“I’ve been a mess since me and Dad left,” Dean admitted, gaze moving to the windshield. He didn’t really see what lay beyond it—didn’t see much of anything at all. He was lost in his own head at the moment and the only other thing there with him was his little brother.

“Yeah, so have I,” Sam sighed, his voice heavy with the truth of his words.

“Sam, I…I never meant for things to turn out this way with you. I thought about it for a long time, but I told myself it didn’t mean anything. But when we were at Bobby’s…something happened. Something changed. Hell, I can’t explain it, but suddenly I just accepted it—that I wanted you. And ever since I did that…man, I can’t get you outta my head.”

This was easier to deal with than the other conversation waiting to be had, but only by a little. Sam had already rejected him twice, with good reason, and he didn’t see quite how this time could be different. Things were just even more complicated now.

“I don’t…I’m not sure what I should say right now,” Sam murmured. When Dean looked at him out of the corner of his eye he was burying his face in his hands and sighing heavily. When his hands finally dropped back into his lap he continued, “Dean, I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but we can’t just jump into this. There’s too much to think about.”

Dean didn’t know when his fourteen-year-old brother had gotten more mature than him, but it had apparently happened at some point. That was obvious considering Dean didn’t give a damn about all of those things, he just wanted Sam. Everything else could be dealt with accordingly when the time came.

“Why can’t you act like a normal, hormonal teenager, huh?” Dean teased half-heartedly.

Sam laughed and looked over at his brother, a sad smile on his lips. “Ya know this is all hypothetical unless you’re considering giving this whole ‘being a werewolf’ thing a try, right?”

“Yeah, guess I should’ve seen that coming…”

“Probably. Man, you’ve gotta give me a chance to help you. You don’t have to hurt people; we can find ways around it.”

Dean didn’t have much faith in the idea, but if there was anything in the world he did have faith in it was Sam. That’s the only reason he was even considering it. If not for his brother he would have taken himself out already.

He looked at Sam for a long time, both of them silent as Dean tried to come to a decision. Every part of him was screaming to just give up—to tell Sam his plan was insane and dangerous. Every part but one, which in the end was really the only piece of him that had ever mattered. He was many things, but most of all he was Sam’s big brother and protector.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he finally said, reaching across the small space between them and taking Sam’s hand. He laced his fingers through his brother’s and studied the sight of their hands entwined. He remembered when Sammy’s hands had been tiny, just large enough to wrap around Dean’s thumb, but now they were about the same size as his.

“Alright,” Sam agreed. “What is it?”

“Give this a chance,” Dean proposed, gripping Sam’s hand a little tighter. “You and me. And I’ll give your plan a chance.”

His eyes shifted to Sam’s face, watching his eyebrows furrow in concentration and his teeth nibble at his bottom lip.

“You know I’m going to say yes,” Sam eventually sighed. “I mean, it’s kind of a win-win for me, isn’t it?”

A broad grin spread over Dean’s face at that and he leaned across the front of the Impala, capturing Sam’s lips with his own. He kissed him gratefully, moving his mouth in a slow, almost tentative rhythm. He wanted to enjoy this—every last bit of it—because at the moment Sam was the only truly good thing in his world.

Sam returned the kiss eagerly, his hand moving to wrap around the back of Dean’s neck. His other hand was still wrapped up with Dean’s in his lap.

“This won’t be easy,” Sam whispered without pulling away.

“I know,” Dean breathed, planting another small, heated kiss to his brother’s mouth. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t much of a surprise to Sam when Dean’s good mood disintegrated. He hadn’t expected the euphoria that had taken over him in the car to last and as they sat in the living room with the others he could see that dark, dead look returning to Dean’s eyes.

It was time to tell their father what they’d decided—or at least some of it—and neither of them knew how he was going to take it.

“Dad, we’re going to give my plan a shot,” Sam announced, deciding there was no point in beating around the bush. “Dean’s not getting killed—not today.”

He studied his father’s reaction, not sure exactly what emotion was playing over his face. It was somewhere between relief and complete disbelief of his son’s words.

“Boys…you know I don’t want to kill my own child,” John started, eyes resting intently on Dean. “That’s why I’m not going to talk you out of this. But…Dean, you’ve gotta know that if you hurt anyone…if you become a danger to humans I am going to do my job as hunter.”

Sam grimaced at that—at his father basically saying that Dean wasn’t human. He wanted to snap, to call John out, but now wasn’t the time for that.

“Yeah, Dad, I know. And trust me, if I hurt anyone I’ll be begging you to do it,” Dean replied gruffly, gaze trained on the floor.

“He won’t hurt anyone. This is going to work,” Sam interceded. “The only question I have is if you two are going to help us or not.”

He’d be happy to take care of Dean on his own, but it would definitely be easier with two other people on their side. Bobby’s bunker would definitely come in handy on full moons.

John sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair as he replied, “I’ll do what I can. I still have work to do, but I’ll try to stay close in case you boys need me.”

“Ya’ll already know I’m in,” Bobby grumbled, his tone summing up the fact that he just accepted how crazy his life was by now. “And I can see them wheels turnin’, Sam, so before you ask…yes, you two can stay with me while you figure things out and _yes_ , you can use my bunker.”

Both Sam and Dean smiled at that, Dean murmuring a thank you.

“Well…never thought I’d see a day like this.” It was Layna who spoke now and she was smiling fondly at the brothers. “It’s truly good of both you…not giving up. Sticking together.”

“That’s what we always do,” Sam said simply, returning her smile. “He’s my brother. I won’t ever give up on him.”

* * *

 

When the time came to leave, John and Bobby were the first out the door after hugging Layna and pecking her on the cheek. The boys took a little more time, talking quietly by the couch as they finished packing up.

Layna made her way over to them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders and saying lightly, “It was a pleasure meeting you, boys. Seems like you both got the best of your father.”

Sam turned along with Dean and smiled at her as he said, “It was good meeting you, too. Thank you so much for everything.”

“It was no trouble,” she insisted, her eyes narrowing curiously as she studied them. “And Sam…Dean…don’t ever give up on each other. Keep sticking together, because what the two of you have is special.”

The brothers straightened up when they heard the knowing tone of her voice, shooting her stares of confusion and mild panic, but she just laughed off their reactions.

“They call me a witch for a reason, guys. I’m… _intuitive_ , you might say. Look, you don’t have to worry; I’d never breathe a word to John. I just…want to be sure you two know what you’ve got.”

It was more instinct that drove Sam to reach for Dean’s hand, but it was also some small part of him indulging in the ability to do that in front of someone without judgment. “Trust me. We know how lucky we are.”

He felt Dean squeeze his hand and saw him nod out of the corner of his eye. Layna grinned a little wider at that and pulled them both into a group hug.

“Good luck. And if you ever need anything your dad has my number.”

Sam and Dean went out to the Impala a moment later, silence falling between them as Dean started the car. It was a peaceful silence though—one they didn’t feel the need to break with pointless words.

Their lives were changing in ways that neither of them had ever imagined and the road ahead was not going to be rough, but there was always one thing to make them feel strong. It was the same thing that had motivated them their whole lives—the fact that no matter how bad things got and how much they lost, they would always have each other.


	6. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to mild Weecest with Sam under the age of 14 in this chapter. Nothing too bad, in my opinion, but I thought I'd throw out a warning in case some people are squeamish about age.

“Man, this is all bullshit,” Dean growled, slamming the top of the laptop down. “The only cure that even sounds halfway reasonable is killing the werewolf that turned you, but Dad already did that.”

“Well, what else did you find?” Sam asked from across the kitchen table. He was browsing Bobby’s book collection for answers as well.

“Nothin’ worth trying. My personal favorite was converting to Christianity. Apparently Jesus saves werewolves.”

He scoffed and pushed back his chair, standing up. “We’re runnin’ out of time. The full moon is in a couple days and I’m already feelin’…I dunno, _wolfy_.”

“C’mon, we just got back. We’ve only been looking since we got up this morning. There’s still a ton of books for me to read through.”

“Don’t bother, Sam, you’re not gonna find anything,” Dean snapped, shoving his chair back in and snatching away the book from the table.

“Jesus, Dean, can you at least let me _try_?”

“No! It’s just pissin’ me off watching you pour over your damn books! You can’t save me, so just stop!”  He slammed his fist down on the table and Sam flinched, staring at his brother with narrow, hurt eyes.

“I’m gonna remind myself that you’re just being an ass because the full moon is so close,” Sam retorted, getting to his feet and reaching across the table to snatch the book back. “I don’t know if we can cure you, but I’m not just going to give up.”

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck irritably and frowned at Sam, some of the tension leaving his body. “Shit, I’m sorry…look, we’ve been at this for hours, can we just take a break? Go outside, get some air or somethin’?”

“Yeah, sure…that’s probably not a bad idea.”

Sam got up, setting the book on the table and following Dean outside. They walked in silence until they were out of view of the house and then came to a stop in front of an old, broken down Mustang.

Dean didn’t waste any time getting a hold of Sam’s hips and pulling him close, saying softly, “I’m sorry I snapped on you like that…I just…I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on with me…”

“Shhh,” Sam muttered, leaning forward and kissing Dean lightly. He’d known from the beginning that this was going to be hard and he wasn’t going to give up on his brother the first time he got a little pissy. “You’re entitled to be a bit pissed off about things, it’s cool.”

“I’m just…I’m so… _scared_ , Sam. I’m fuckin’ terrified. I don’t know what I’m gonna be when I change…how it’ll feel…” Dean swallowed hard, his eyes glistening with the threat of tears that Sam knew he was holding back.

It broke Sam’s heart to see him like this. Dean had always been strong—unbelievably so—and had never been one to admit when he was afraid. Seeing him break down with fear, seeing what all of this was doing to him, hurt more than he could say.

“Maybe it won’t be that bad…maybe you’ll just black out or something and then it’ll be over.” He wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed their foreheads together. “Either way I’ll be there when it’s all over, okay?”

His brother didn’t reply, he simply closed his eyes and let a tear stream down his cheek before he reached up to wipe it away. After a moment he titled his head back and looked at Sam, a smirk forming in place of his previous frown.

“Let’s not talk about it right now. I can think of better things we could be doing while we’re out here alone.”

He leaned in, kissing Sam hungrily and sliding his hands down the length of his back. As they reached Sam’s hips he tugged them even closer together and licked into his mouth, drawing a small moan from his brother.

Sam was in love with the way Dean’s mouth felt. It was so soft and warm, his tongue teasing and curious as it flitted around Sam’s. His kisses always started slow and tentative, each brush of his lips growing more and more eager until the kiss morphed into something deep and exploratory. By the time Dean was turning them so that Sam’s legs were pressed against the Mustang what had started as a few small pecks had turned into a very heated make out session.

 

* * *

 

The boys were wrapped around each other as close as they could manage in their current position, Sam’s hand wrapped in the back of Dean’s hair and Dean’s hands finding their way under Sam’s shirt. They slithered up his back, his palms splaying over the wiry muscle he found there, and as his little brother gave a small buck of his hips Dean’s blunt fingernails dug slightly into his skin.

“Sammy, lay back,” he groaned, gently pushing at the other boy’s torso and urging him onto the hood of the car. Sam obeyed instantly, crawling backwards onto the Mustang until he was leaning lazily back against the windshield.

Dean took a moment to admire how incredibly beautiful Sam looked there, lips swollen and red and an obvious (and rather impressive) hard line pressing against his jeans. But he couldn’t look for too long before the urge to touch overwhelmed him and he was prowling over Sam, one hand reaching up to grip the back of his hair.

“So damn beautiful, baby boy,” he breathed before pressing his mouth to his brother’s once again. There was a new urgency to it this time, which Sam returned eagerly as he put his arms around Dean’s waist and pulled him down on top of him.

God, he felt a thousand times better than Dean had ever imagined. This was the first time they’d ever gotten to be together like this, but he’d thought about it plenty. The fantasies that had played out in his mind over and over could never compare to the real thing. Nothing could prepare him for the devastatingly wonderful feeling of his sweet baby brother writhing underneath him, rocking his hips wantonly and whimpering into Dean’s mouth at the friction.

“Shit, Sammy, you feel so good…” The words were almost lost to heavy breaths and hungry, sporadic kisses, but not quite. They reached their target and Sam made the most irresistible little whine before he begged, “Dean, please, keep talking…like it when you talk…”

Dean growled with enthusiasm, grounding his hips into Sam’s and placing his lips to his ear as he whispered, “Yeah, you like that? Like hearing your big brother talk dirty to you?”

He had no idea what was coming over him. He’d been turned on plenty of times in his life, but it was never like this. And hell, they were just kissing and grinding against each other at this point. Dean had done a lot more than that before.

But there was something about Sam, about the sweet sound of his voice and the lithe curves of his new muscles that had Dean going positively wild for him. Every little thing he did was like a shock to Dean’s nervous system and it took everything he had to remind himself that Sam had never done anything like this before.

That was the only thing that kept him from taking it further. It wasn’t easy, especially when he was pretty sure his brother would be willing to do just about anything with him, but he managed…somehow.

Still, he gave Sam everything he could without crossing any lines, playing into that wonderful little kink he’d seemed to have developed for Dean’s filthy mouth.

“Don’t know how many times I thought about makin’ you come,” he murmured, trailing open mouthed kisses down Sam’s neck and smirking when his brother gave a particularly forceful thrust upward. “The first time I thought about it…you were twelve and you were takin’ a shower…”

“Oh, fuck, _Dean_ ,” Sam whimpered, his body shivering and hips jerking in a familiar motion. He was getting close.

“I heard you moaning when you didn’t think I was listening,” Dean continued, rutting against Sam and trailing the tip of his tongue up his neck. “Didn’t mean to think about it, but I couldn’t help it. As soon I heard those beautiful fuckin’ noises you made…fuck, all I wanted was to hear how pretty you sounded when you came.”

That was all it took before Sam was crying out, burying his face in Dean’s neck and gripping Dean’s shirt tightly. And it wasn’t long before Dean was following behind him, the intoxicating sounds coming out of his baby brother sending him over the edge.

He gripped the top of the hood, thrusting twice more before he was coming in his boxers and growling Sam’s name.

Panting and rolling onto his side next to Sam, Dean went to speak but was interrupted by Bobby’s voice calling from the direction of the house.

“Boys! If ya want lunch ya better get your asses back here!”

“Coming!” Dean hollered back, grinning down at Sam as his little brother burst into laughter. “Now who’s the immature one, huh? C’mon, baby boy, let’s get inside and clean up.”

He went to get up, but Sam pulled him back down, stealing one more long kiss. “Did you mean it? The first time you thought about it was two years ago?”

“Yeah…and a lot of times since then,” Dean admitted, brushing a hand through Sam’s hair. “I just brushed it off though—said it was ‘cause we spent so much time together…”

“And now?” The insecurity in Sam’s eyes made Dean’s heart ache.

“And now I know I was an idiot to think that’s all it was.” He was an idiot not to see that he loved Sam as so much more than a brother—that he wanted to be everything to him.

The uncertainty faded from Sam’s face and he smiled softly, pushing gently at Dean and saying, “We better get in there before Bobby eats everything just to spite us.”

They climbed off the car and headed back to the house, their arms periodically brushing together as they went and Dean just barely resisting the urge to take Sam’s hand in his.

 

* * *

 

Their research continued the next day, Bobby joining in this time now that he wasn’t working on research for a fellow hunter. However, Dean was having a particularly hard time focusing and kept jumping up to pace the floors of the kitchen.

He also kept opening the fridge, searching inside for a moment before slamming the door shut irritably and groaning, “I’m so _hungry_.”

Sam watched him warily, knowing that it was the full moon coming up the following night that was getting to him. That was why he didn’t bother telling him to knock it off, no matter how annoying his behavior might be after hours of it.

Eventually Dean made himself a massive BLT, heavy on the bacon, and sat down at the table. By that point Sam had looked through almost every book that involved lycanthropy in Bobby’s house and was feeling particularly discouraged. He wasn’t going to let it show though.

That was becoming much easier said than done by the time night fell, considering Sam was completely exhausted. His head hurt from all the reading he’d done and all of Dean’s irritation seemed to be rubbing off on him. As they headed up to their room he was more than ready to just fall into his bed and pass out, but it seemed like his brother had other plans.

As soon as the door was shut Dean was on him, pushing him against the wall and kissing him passionately. His hands were everywhere, roaming from Sam’s hair to his arms to his hips. He groaned and pulled Sam against him, licking into his mouth and digging his fingers into his waist.

As much as Sam was enjoying the sudden onslaught of affection, he was a little stunned by it and jerked his head back, exclaiming, “Whoa, Dean! Slow down, man.”

“M’sorry, Sammy, don’t know what the hell is up with me right now,” Dean panted, pushing his hips into his brother’s and leaning in to kiss his neck hungrily. “Just want you so damn bad…”

Sam felt his knees going weak, the feeling of Dean’s warm mouth all over his neck driving him crazy. He knew what was going on though and he was afraid that if he didn’t put a stop to it that things might wind up in a place his brother wouldn’t be proud of later.

“Dean, it’s the lycanthropy,” he gasped, barely able to get the words out as Dean bit down on his collarbone. “I read up on it and—”

His words were cut off as Dean’s hand stroked over his cock, palming it through his jeans. God, he didn’t want to end this, but he knew he had to.

“It increases your sex drive,” he finally managed to get out, head falling back against the wall when his brother’s hands roamed up under his shirt, caressing his skin. “We should stop…”

“Why? Seems like you’re enjoying this just as much as I am,” Dean countered, meeting his brother’s gaze with fiery, eager eyes. “You do want me, don’t ya, Sammy?”

“Jesus, Dean, of course I do, but…we can’t do it like this. You’re gonna be pissed at yourself later.”

“I dunno, baby boy, don’t see how I could ever regret this…” He started to roll his hips, working them against Sam’s.

“Fuck, _Dean_ ,” Sam groaned, gripping Dean’s shoulders and scrambling to keep his mind on what was important. It was incredibly hard to do with the delicious movement of Dean’s hips distracting him.

“Wanna do everything with you, Sam,” Dean whispered in his ear, the words breathy and quick. “Wanna put my mouth all over you. Suck your cock nice and deep, then lick you open ‘til you’re beggin’ for me to fuck you…”

Sam was pretty sure that if Dean didn’t shut his mouth that all of that was going to wind up happening a lot sooner than either of them knew it should. He knew without having to ask that his brother would want to wait—would want to respect him. And as much as Sam wanted it, he wanted to wait, too.

That’s why he was thankful when he heard the phone ringing from downstairs and a moment later heard Bobby call, “Sam! Phone!”

“Shit, Dean, I gotta go down there before he comes up here,” he insisted, forcing his arms to push Dean away even though all he wanted to do was pull him closer.

The distraction seemed to clear his brother’s head and he stepped back some, his face suddenly stoic and calm. “Yeah, you’re right…go ‘head.”

“You okay?” Sam asked, seeing the slight tightening of Dean’s jaw that was always a giveaway for when he was upset.

“M’fine. Go down there before Bobby starts throwing a fit,” Dean joked, a flawless impression of a smile forming on his face. Sam didn’t buy it for a second.

“Right…I’ll be back in a minute.”

He hurried downstairs to the phone, picking it up off the counter and saying, “Hello?”

“Hey, Sam,” Jess greeted, her relaxed, cheerful voice disorienting after what had just taken place upstairs.

“Jess, hey! How are you?” Sam asked as coolly as he could manage. His head was too busy wondering if Dean was alright and trying to get past the intensity of his arousal to focus on the conversation, so he had to work extra hard.

“Not bad. I know you said we should get together now that you’re back and I had an idea.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“There’s a neat exhibit all about the history of Sioux Falls at the museum tomorrow, I thought you might want to go?” She sounded so hopeful and that alone was enough to send Sam spiraling down from the high Dean had put him in.

He didn’t know how he was going to tell Jess they could only be friends. He also didn’t know how he’d explain to Bobby why he wasn’t dating one of the prettiest and smartest girls in town when she was obviously interested. He’d figure it out somehow though, even if he had to ask Dean for ideas.

“Uhm…tomorrow really isn’t a good day for me,” Sam sighed. Tomorrow he’d be too busy helping Dean prepare for his first transformation into a werewolf, but he couldn’t just say that. “Bobby’s gonna be busy and he needs me to help my brother.”

“Oh…how’s your brother doing? Getting better?”

“Yeah…yeah he should be alright soon. How about I call you when he’s on his feet again and we can make plans?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” she agreed enthusiastically. “Well, I’ll let you go so you can be with your brother. I know he doesn’t know me, but tell him I hope he feels better, okay?”

“Sure thing. Thanks, Jess.”

As soon as he was off the phone he hurried back upstairs, coming to a halt in the doorway as his eyes landed on Dean.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, face buried in his hands, and he was disturbingly still. He didn’t even flinch as Sam came into the room or look up when Sam muttered, “Dean? Dean, you okay?”

Dean sat there for a while longer, completely silent, and then suddenly grumbled into his hands, “Was that Jess?”

“Uh, yeah, she wanted to go to some history thing at the museum tomorrow…”

“You should go…”

“Dean, no, you need me here and—”

“Sam, I’m no good for you,” Dean interrupted, finally looking up at him. His eyes were glassy with tears. “I’m fucked up. If she hadn’t called…if Bobby hadn’t called you down there, I would’ve…”

“S’not that bad, Dean. There’s worse things you could do.”

“Worse than practically fucking stealing your virginity without even asking you if it’s what you want? Jesus, Sam, you told me we needed to stop and I just…fuck, I just ignored you!”

He got to his feet, running a hand through his hair and sighing heavily. “Sam…I’m a monster and you can’t tell me I’m not. I don’t deserve you. You should be with Jess—she’d be good for you.”

“Dean…no. I don’t want Jess, I want _you_.” It wasn’t like it was even up to him. He couldn’t be with Jess if he tried. It would never make him happy, not when he knew Dean loved him back.

He crossed the room and moved to take Dean into his arms, but his brother pulled away. “Stop, Sam! Just…stay away from me before I…”

His words trailed off, the words apparently too hard for him to say, but Sam still got the idea.

“You’d never do that!”

“You don’t know that!”

That was all Dean had to say on the matter before he was snatching up his pillow and blanket and storming downstairs. Sam went to chase after him, but he got the hint when Dean slammed the door behind him, blocking Sam’s way. 


	7. Shards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty poorly edited, because I was half asleep, so if you notice any mistakes that really need fixing, let me know.

Sam couldn’t sleep without Dean in the room. The more he thought about it the more he realized he’d never really had to do that since he was a baby and from the stories John told, there were nights back then when Dean would fall asleep on the floor by Sam’s crib.

By the time midnight rolled around he had given up on the idea of sleeping in the bedroom altogether. He headed downstairs, checking on his way if Bobby was still awake. Once he knew he was in the clear he headed into the living room, making his way over to the couch.

He didn’t bother waking Dean up and asking if he could lay with him. He just pushed his way onto the couch and rested his head on his brother’s chest, closing his eyes.

“Just can’t stay away, can you, Sammy?” Dean grumbled sleepily, a smile in his voice.

“Can’t sleep without you.”

“You’re gonna have to tomorrow night.”

Sam frowned at that, snuggling closer to Dean. “Don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep then anyway.”

“Yeah, me either,” Dean sighed sarcastically. He wrapped his arms around Sam, resting his chin on his head. “Sam…I don’t know what I’m doin’. I feel like I’m being selfish asking you to be with me.”

“Don’t. I want to be with you.”

“I know…but my life is set,” he went on, hugging Sam a little tighter. “I’m a hunter. Even with everything I’m going through right now…if I can get it under control, I’m going to keep hunting. That’s all I know. And when you’re a hunter…you don’t get close to people—people can’t know you. There’s no one else out there for me, Sammy. There’s just you.”

“What’re you saying?” Sam sat up slightly, looking down at Dean. “’Cause, Dean…there’s no one else for me, either.”

“You don’t know that. You’ve got a shot at a normal life—at going to college and getting married and having kids and a mortgage and all that shit that normal people do.”

“No. I made my choice when you got hurt. I’m not bailing on you.”

Dean reached up, resting his hand against Sam’s face. “Look, you know that’s what I want. I’m a selfish person and don’t try to tell me I’m not. I want you to choose a life with me, but I know what that means for you.”

“And what do you think it means?” Sam leaned into Dean’s touch, meeting his gaze.

“You’ll have to hide for the rest of your life. Hide our relationship, hide what I am…”

“I don’t care,” Sam insisted. “I knew what challenges I was going to have to face when I made my choice.”

Dean’s face grew incredibly sad and he pulled Sam back into his arms, whispering, “Sammy, I don’t deserve you…”

“Yeah, well...we have very different views on that matter.” Sam closed his eyes, breathing in his brother’s familiar scent. It smelled like home to him, just like the Impala did.

“Guess we should just agree to disagree then, huh?”

“Mhmm…” Sam barely got the sound out, Dean’s warmth soothing him until he was drifting off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

“Sam…Sammy, wake up,” Dean whispered, running his hand through his brother’s hair. It was still early—the sun wasn’t even up yet—but he figured it would be wise to move back to their bedroom. Bobby knew they were close, but Dean imagined he might think they’d gotten a bit too old for snuggling on the couch together.

Dean watched with a smile as Sam grumbled and peeled his eyes open, muttering, “What?”

“Let’s go upstairs. Bobby’s gonna be up soon.”

It took some time for them to unravel from each other and make it off the couch, but they managed. Sam slumped up against Dean’s side, his movements slow and heavy with sleep, but Dean didn’t mind. He just wrapped an arm around his brother’s shoulders and walked up the stairs, closing the bedroom door behind them with his foot.

They made their way to Dean’s bed, curling back up together, and Sam was asleep again within minutes.

Dean, however, didn’t think he’d be able to get back to sleep. He was feeling wired and his mind was racing as the full moon grew dangerously close. He held Sam close, running his fingers absent mindedly through his hair and trying unsuccessfully not to think about what was going to happen when night fell.

They’d have to have him locked up ahead of time and take no chances of the transformation happening before they were ready. He couldn’t allow himself to hurt anyone, Sam especially. He could never forgive himself for that if it ever happened.

He wished he knew what to expect. There were descriptions in books and online, but the accuracy of those accounts were questionable and he imagined nothing was quite like experiencing it personally. The fear of not knowing, of having no idea exactly who or what he was going to be when the full moon rose…that was the worst feeling he’d ever felt.

Through everything in Dean’s life he’d always been certain about one thing—who he was and what he wanted. He was a simple young man who just wanted to hunt and be with his family. It didn’t take much to make him happy. But now all of that was thrown out the window unless he and Sam could get this whole werewolf thing under control. He couldn’t have any of the things he loved if they couldn’t manage that and keep him from hurting people. Hell, he couldn’t allow himself to have a life at all if that were the case.

Choking back tears at that thought, he hugged Sam tighter, burying his face in his hair. Death didn’t scare him, no, but losing Sam did. He never wanted to leave his baby brother behind and that was precisely why he was even still alive at this point. He couldn’t bail on Sam.

 

* * *

 

Sam was a little surprised by how calm Dean was when they got up for the day. He was quiet and still, watching a movie with a resigned expression on his face. There was no more pacing or yelling or slamming things. It seemed like he was just simply waiting.

Taking a seat next to him, Sam reached over and took his hand. Bobby was in the kitchen throwing some breakfast together, so they were safe to touch each other for the moment.

“How are you?” he asked softly.

“I’m dealing with it,” Dean replied with a shrug, eyes still trained on the television. He did lace his fingers through Sam’s though.

“Okay…if you need anything…”

“Yeah, I know, Sam.”

 

* * *

 

The day felt like it was inching by, the tension in the air almost tangible, and Sam was wondering if he was more worked up about the coming event than Dean was. He kept watching Dean without meaning to, studying his expression and trying to see if there were any changes.

He kept waiting for his brother’s calm demeanor to slip and for him to start flipping out, but it wasn’t happening. He figured it was just Dean trying to prove he could deal with things and burying everything the way he always had, but it made him anxious. He didn’t like not knowing where Dean’s head was.

Still, as night drew closer there was no change and Sam was starting to feel proud of Dean for holding it together so well. He was expecting more of what the previous day had provided—had actually expected worse—and he was shocked when it only got better. 

Dusk was getting close when he joined Dean on the back porch, finding him sipping the beer Bobby had allowed him to have and staring thoughtfully out into the yard.

“Hey,” Sam greeted, smiling softly at him.

“Hey, you,” Dean replied, glancing over his shoulder for any signs of an audience before leaning in to peck Sam on the mouth.

Sam’s smile only grew after the kiss and he scooted a little closer to his brother. “So, you’re…you’re really holding it together today…better than I expected.”

“Yeah, well…guess I don’t see the point in throwin’ a bitch fit over something I can’t change.” He sucked down some more beer before holding it out to Sam and asking, “Wanna try it? I won’t rat on you.”

Sam eyed the brown bottle curiously for a moment before plucking it from Dean’s hand. He took a small, hesitant swig and as the bitter, bubbly liquid rolled over his tongue he cringed. “Ugh! Yeah, that’s enough for me…”

He handed the bottle back to Dean, his brother’s shoulders shaking with laughter as he took it and drank some more.

“Guess it’s kind of an acquired taste.”

“Not sure how you acquire a taste for that,” Sam chuckled, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

Dean’s smile widened and he glanced over his shoulder again before looking back at Sam. “I think I might have an idea…”

“Oh yeah? What’s that? ‘Cause I’m pretty doubtful.”

Dean suddenly leaned across the gap between them, taking Sam’s chin in his fingers gently and kissing him. Sam’s heart practically skipped a beat at the gesture and it started to pound a little faster as Dean’s tongue slipped into his mouth.

It became obvious what his plan was right away considering his mouth tasted strongly of the carbonated beverage that Sam so strongly disliked. However, the taste was a bit more bearable this way, lingering on Dean’s tongue as it explored Sam’s mouth.

Sam sighed contently, deepening the kiss and reaching forward to gently grip the front of Dean’s shirt. He highly doubted that even this could make him enjoy beer, but he wasn’t about to tell his brother that he couldn’t try.

However, the kiss was broken much earlier than Sam wanted it to be when they heard the sound of footsteps coming around the side of the house. They sounded light and quick, not like Bobby’s heavier treads, and Sam shot Dean a curious stare, silently wondering who was coming.

 

* * *

 

Dean didn’t know the petite blonde girl that came around to join them, but he had a pretty good idea who she was. He watched her silently as she made her way onto the steps, what seemed to be a small gift bag clutched in her hands.

“Hey, Sam,” she said softly, smiling at him in a way that started to tug at Dean’s relaxed demeanor. “And you must be Dean. It’s great to finally meet you; I’m Jess.”

She stretched out her hand, but he ignored it, muttering, “Nice to meet you, too…I’m still sick, so uh...might not wanna do that…”

He glanced at her hand and then back up at her face, which lit up with understanding.

“Oh, right! Sorry. Are you feeling any better today?” she asked, genuine concern in her voice.

Dean just shrugged and moved his gaze to his beer, gripping it a little tighter as Jess turned her attention to Sam.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d get to see you, but I just wanted to drop something off for your guys.” She passed the little green bag to Sam, her hands brushing his as she did so. Dean felt his armor weaken the slightest bit more.

“Thanks, Jess, that’s really sweet of you,” Sam replied cheerfully, opening up the bag and peaking inside. He reached in and pulled out a Star Wars box set, a wide grin spreading over his face. “Oh, man! Dean, check it out!”

A second later the box of DVD’s were being shoved into Dean’s free hand and he studied them in an attempt to take his mind off the fact that Jess was moving up a step to stand even closer to Sam.

“Cool…we should watch these tomorrow night,” he mused, handing them back to his brother. “Thanks, Jess.”

“No problem. Just thought you guys could use something to do while you’re stuck in the house.” She smiled brightly and it made Dean want to push her down the stairs. He knew it was an overreaction, especially considering she was a fourteen year old girl, but he couldn’t help it.

He drank the last of his beer and observed as his brother got to his feet, smiling down at the girl he’d spent all that time with while Dean was away. They looked so comfortable together, laughing freely and Jess’s hand reaching out to brush Sam’s arm like it was something she did all the time.

It made Dean sick to his stomach. He’d heard all about Jess, but actually meeting her…well, it was a hell of a lot more painful than hearing about her over the phone. Seeing the way they were with each other—how happy she made Sam—it filled Dean with a swarm of unpleasant emotions. He was jealous and guilty and angry all at once and he could feel the frustration crawling through him, eating its way through the calm he’d worked so hard to find.

Setting the beer bottle down, he stood up and managed to draw the attention of the two people with him as he did so.

“You going inside?” Sam wondered, concern flashing in his eyes.

“Yeah…you guys go ahead and talk.”

He didn’t wait for his brother to reply, he just headed for the door, wanting to remove himself from the situation as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to see this—didn’t want to see Sam standing in front of the potential future that Dean was holding him back from.

However, he hadn’t even managed to make it to the door before he felt his calm shatter into a billion pieces. It was like he was made of glass and someone had just taken a sledge hammer to him, bashing him to bits from the inside out. All it had taken was the simple gesture of Jess reaching out to take Sam’s hand in hers.

Dean came to a stop in the center of the porch, everything around him seeming to fall away. There were only two things left to him now; the incessant roaring in his ears as his blood pumped faster and the pulsing through his veins of every poisonous emotion he’d been hiding away.

He’d never felt anything like this before. It was beyond rage; beyond fury. It was not red, but white-hot, and it gripped him like a vice. He shook under the pressure of it, his head spinning and his mind going blank.

He barely registered Sam’s words or the feeling of his little brother’s hand on his arm, but he still tried to focus on them. Anything to get away from the wild, burning anger he felt taking over him and replace it with the warmth and joy that Sam always made him feel.

“Dean? Dean, man, c’mon. Let’s get you inside,” he heard Sam insisting. The only problem was he couldn’t seem to move. He was rooted to the spot, body trembling.

“Jess, I’ve gotta get him inside. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay…is he going to be alright?”

“He’ll be fine. Just go.”

The words didn’t mean much to Dean and he didn’t get much time to figure them out before he was being shoved through the back door of the house. He didn’t fight Sam, just let himself be herded into the kitchen as the fury and the heat slowly built inside of him.

“Dean? _Dean?_ Do you need to go down to the bunker?” Sam’s voice was low and insistent and his hands gripped Dean’s arms tightly.

“Sam… _let go_ ,” Dean growled low in his throat, breath growing heavy and quick.

Fortunately his brother was smart enough to listen, quickly retracting his hands and taking a step back. Dean looked at him for a moment, hoping Sam’s face might help soothe some of what he was feeling, but he had no luck.

The gut wrenching, mind twisting feelings he’d been trying to fight off all day were rising up in him like a sickness—like they were all about to come pouring out of him against his will. This was happening whether he was ready for it or not and the only thing he could do was get himself downstairs as fast as possible.

 

* * *

 

Sam stood in the middle of the kitchen, standing as still as he could manage with his body shaking like a leaf. He was scared and sad and confused, the sight of his brother falling to pieces before him even more painful than he imagined it would be.

Dean was always quiet when he was angry, but this was different. This wasn’t him holding it in. This was a storm brewing inside of Dean—a storm so violent that he couldn’t even move to fight against it—and soon all of that was going to come out. Soon he was going to turn, the silent and tense demeanor that had fall over him giving way to the ferocious beast that had been waiting for days to emerge.

Sam wanted to help get him into the bunker, but he knew better than to push. If he made the wrong move in that moment he could wind up permanently damaged and he knew Dean would never forgive himself for that.

After a moment it seemed that he didn’t need to worry though. His brother was apparently determined to make sure everyone was safe, because he suddenly broke into a run towards the basement door. Sam followed swiftly behind him, trailing Dean until he had made it through the door of the bunker, and then coming to a stop in the doorway.

He looked at his brother, standing tall and still in the center of the panic room, a war raging in his eyes as he tried to fight back the transformation for a moment longer. Through all the mindless fury that seemed to fill him, there was still a shred of sadness on his face as he whispered hoarsely, “Sammy…go.”

“It’ll be okay, Dean. I’ll be here when it’s over.” Sam gave Dean one last soft, half-hearted smile before closing the door of the bunker and locking it tight.

It only took a second for the screaming to start, Dean’s low and strangled cries slowly beginning to morph into the roars of a wolf. Sam listened to each one, allowing them to shred his heart open, and as he sank to the ground he promised silently, “I won’t leave you, Dean. I’m right here.”


	8. Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering how vague Supernatural is on a lot of the details pertaining to werewolves--not to mention the fact that werewolf lore varies greatly--I took a few ideas from JK Rowling and other things I read up on. I'm kind of creating my own werewolf in this chapter, so I hope it works for you guys. :)

“Sam, why don’t ya come upstairs?” Bobby insisted quietly, not wanting to disturb Dean. He’d fallen silent after the first couple of hours, his animal instincts seeming to realize that hunting was out of the question for the night. It wouldn’t take much to rile him back up though.

“No, I’m staying with Dean,” Sam replied, eyes closed and head resting back against the bunker door.

“Look, I know you wanna be there for him, but he ain’t gonna know one way or another if you stayed. Personally I don’t think he’d want ya to sit down here all night like this.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s not going through this alone.” Not yet, anyway. Not his first transformation.

“Alright, suit yourself…just don’t see why you’ve both gotta suffer.” Bobby sighed and headed back up into the house.

Sam didn’t consider what he was doing suffering. It wasn’t necessarily pleasant, but it was just a simple necessity in his opinion. Dean was going through something devastating and there was no way that Sam could just go on about his business like that wasn’t happening. He needed to be by his brother’s side, or at least as close to it as he could be.

The night seemed to drag on forever, Dean occasionally going into a frenzy on the other side of the door. He’d start to growl, the sound low and menacing, and it would grow into wild howls and roars of frustration. The loud, heavy thumps against the walls would come next and at times they would reach the door, jolting Sam with their force. The worst part though were the yelps and whimpers that almost sounded like Dean was in pain.

It took everything Sam had not to burst into the panic room and check on his brother. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get close enough to see what had happened anyway, not without getting torn apart.

It was a strange thing, being in love with a werewolf; knowing that the hungry, violent creature on the other side of the door was Dean, the beautiful young man that Sam cared for more than anyone in the world. He had grown up believing lycanthropes were monsters that should be killed without a second thought, but now…everything was different.

He wondered what John would think if he was there. He’d called that morning to ask how Dean was doing and say that he couldn’t make it back to be there for the full moon, but he’d be around as soon as possible. Sam hadn’t been surprised by that though—he didn’t think their dad could handle this, not like he and Bobby were handling it, and he imagined John knew they’d keep Dean safe.

Now and then Sam would drift off to sleep, head lulling back against metal and arms falling limp at his sides. It never lasted long though. Just as he’d reach a deeper level of sleep Dean would start back up, jolting his little brother awake.

When Sam’s watch finally told him that the sun was rising and that his brother should be turning back soon, he felt a wave of relief washing over him. He stood up, stretching his limbs and listening for any changes or the sound of Dean’s voice.

When it finally came though, all of the calm that had settled over Sam went out the window in seconds.

“Sam…” The word was weak and broken. He wouldn’t have heard it if he hadn’t been listening so intently. “Sammy…?”

Sam hurried into action, unlocking the bunker door as swiftly as he could manage and throwing the door open. He bolted into the panic room and felt his heart drop into the floor as he saw his brother.

Dean was sitting down, legs sprawled out to his side and hands planted firmly on the ground to keep him from slumping to the floor. His head hung low and there was a small puddle of blood forming on the concrete beneath it.

“Dean?” Sam sprinted forward, dropping to his knees at his brother’s side. He reached for his face, very carefully tilting it in his direction, and gasped as he saw the source of the blood. There were four long, deep gashes down the side of Dean’s face and upon further observation Sam found more wounds along his left forearm and right leg.

“Oh, Jesus, Dean…hold on, I’ll get something to clean you up.”

Sam didn’t waste any time finding the first aid kit that Bobby had stashed down there and in less than a minute he was back with Dean. His brother looked at him with dark, wearied eyes and whispered, “What happened to me?”

“I don’t…I mean, I’m guessing that you…you scratched yourself,” Sam choked out, doing his best not to break down. He took out the necessary items and tilted Dean’s face back towards him, dabbing the cuts with an alcohol soaked cloth.

Dean groaned and winced just once before relaxing and settling in to let Sam take care of him. “Don’t remember any of it…I remember seein’ you close the door and that’s it…just woke up like this…”

“God…we’ve gotta let you hunt next time.” Sam didn’t like the idea of it, but he didn’t see any other option. Obviously werewolves got restless when they were locked up and caused harm to themselves, which was something he couldn’t just sit back and let happen.

“No…” That was all Dean seemed capable of muttering, but his brother was pretty sure he’d be arguing fiercely when he got his strength back.

Letting it slide for now, Sam moved to the gashes on Dean’s arm and then on to his leg. It seemed like they were already starting to heal, the deeper layers of skin fusing back together. Still, he slathered them in antibacterial ointment and put gauze over them, not wanting any infections to get trapped in during the apparently speedy healing process.

When he was finished he sat all the way down and tugged Dean into his arms, letting his brother’s head fall against his shoulder.

“Were you out there all night?” Dean asked, taking Sam’s hand and stroking his thumb over his fingers.

“Mhmm…I couldn’t just leave you down here.”

Dean shifted in his arms until he was facing him, green eyes shimmering with love and appreciation. “You didn’t have to do that, Sammy.”

“Yeah, I did. Now let’s get you in some clothes and up to bed. You look exhausted.” Sam brushed a finger over the bags under Dean’s eyes, frowning deeply.

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course I will.”

 

* * *

 

They made their way to their room, stopping in the living room to give Bobby a quick rundown and let him know that Dean was okay. Damaged, yes, but still okay.

Once they reached their bedroom and were safely locked inside Dean pulled Sam into his arms, pressing his lips softly and slowly to his brother’s. He kissed him like he was something sacred—something to be cherished and treated with immense care. Because in Dean’s eyes that’s exactly what Sammy was. He was the most precious thing in his world and after what he’d done for him that had only become truer.

He wrapped his arms around him as fully and tightly as he could manage without hurting him, but kept his lips gentle. He didn’t want this to be about sex or desire. It was a thank you and his way of telling Sam how much he loved him.

That didn’t stop Sam from eventually deepening the kiss though. But even then, as Sam’s tongue ran over Dean’s lips and urged them open, the gesture was passionate and filled with love.

They kissed for an immeasurable length of time, just wrapped in each other and in the peace of that first awful night finally being over. This went on until all of the pain and confusion living inside of Dean had been subdued, blanketed with a layer of joy and calm that he knew wouldn’t last forever. He’d take it for now though, until he could get some sleep and let his wounds heal some more. He would face everything else later.

As the kisses ended he pulled Sam over to his bed, lying down next to him and holding him close. They lay facing one another, hands interlaced between them, and Dean whispered, “Sam…I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told Sam that, but it was the first time he’d said it with the meaning it held now. Of course he loved his brother, that was just part of being family, but this…it was beyond that. It was so much more.

Dean was not, by any means, okay after what had happened to him. He was mess of emotions and questions that he had no answers to. But through all of that there was one constant—one thing that he could count on to get him through the bullshit—and that was Sam. Sam had always been there and he had no doubts that he always would be and for that he loved him more deeply than he imagined anyone had ever loved another person.

That’s why it felt so good when his brother smiled at him, the joy and love in his eyes as bright as the sun that filtered through their open window, and said sincerely, “I love you, too…so much.”

 

* * *

 

When Dean finally woke it was already late in the day, probably close to five o’ clock judging by the light. He was on his back and he glanced to his right to find Sam still passed out on his side. There was a fleeting moment of peace and happiness as he watched his brother sleep, but it faded swiftly as he sat up and saw himself in the mirror on the dresser.

The gashes had healed nearly all the way, shrunken into thin, pink scars similar to the ones on his torso, and he silently wondered if they’d ever really go away. Werewolves obviously had advanced healing powers, but maybe those kinds of wounds never fully disappeared.

He ran the tips of his fingers over the scars, his heart sinking as he realized he might be permanently marked in a place that he couldn’t hide. No one really saw his stomach and chest, but his face…hell, even his arm would be harder to keep covered all the time.

Looking away from his reflection and down to where his hands lay limp in his lap, he sighed heavily. This was his new reality. Every month he would feel that crippling, overwhelming rage and he would turn into a monster, tearing himself to shreds. Even if the marks did heal with time, he’d only make more. The beast that he was on the inside would always be reflected on his skin.

“Fuck this,” he grumbled, shaking his head and burying his face in his hands. He never wanted this. He never wanted to turn into one of the creatures he’d spent his life training to kill. But maybe that was karma for all the people he’d put down—some people that might have been just like him and were turned into something they never wanted to be.

“Dean?”

Sam’s voice soothed him instantly, but it couldn’t completely rid him of the pit that had formed in his gut. Still, he managed somewhat of a smile as he turned to look at his brother, who was lying on his back now and watching Dean with a patient, but curious stare.

“Hey, baby boy. Sleep well?”

“Yeah, did you?” Sam asked, sitting up and resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“Not bad. I was pretty damn tired, so…” He was _still_ tired and he was incredibly hungry, but he wasn’t quite ready to go downstairs. He wanted this time with Sam to last as long as it could.

“Are you alright?”

The question was much less simple than it sounded. Dean knew Sam was asking about more than the physical damage. He wanted to know how he was handling everything emotionally, but if he was being honest he didn’t want to answer that question truthfully. He was a mess inside, so much anger and regret and fear swimming through him ceaselessly. He wanted to rip the poison out of his veins and just be himself again.

But instead of pouring all of that misery and pain on Sam, he just turned around and kissed him softly before he said, “I’ll make it. Thanks to you.”

“Good…” Sam reached up, running his hand gently over the scars on Dean’s cheek, and when he saw the slight furrowing of Dean’s eyebrows he said, “Don’t look at me like that…you’re still beautiful.”

“Shut up, Sammy. You’re such a girl.” Dean cracked a smile and pulled his brother closer, kissing him quickly, but deep. “Why don’t we go get some breakfast? I’m starving.”

 

* * *

 

Sam was anxious as he followed Dean down to the kitchen. He knew his brother well enough to tell when he was putting his walls up. Most people wouldn’t notice and would believe that Dean was just dealing with it, but Sam knew better than that. He could see the pain and the frustration in his eyes no matter how composed the rest of him might be.

As they ate breakfast, Dean joking with Bobby and offering to help him in the salvage yard, Sam watched his brother carefully. He noticed the slight tightness to his jaw when he smiled and the subtle, sharp edge to his laugh—tiny things that not even Bobby would catch, but that stood out to Sam like a sore thumb.

He wasn’t okay. There was so much more going on inside of him, but Sam didn’t want to press any buttons. He figured he should just count his blessings and be glad Dean hadn’t put a bullet in his brain rather than prod at him about his feelings. It would only set him off.

That’s why he let Dean go out to work with Bobby without a word of protest. He had to give his brother a chance to deal with things before he started forcing counseling sessions on him.

Of course, Sam was pretty sure _he_ was going to need counseling himself after everything that had happened over the past few days. It seemed like they had dragged out forever, each terrifying and painful moment lasting hours each rather than minutes. But at least they were past the first transformation now—at least they had some idea of what to expect.

After about an hour of sitting in front of the television and turning everything over and over in his mind, Sam decided he didn’t want to think about it all anymore. At least not for the moment. So instead he got to his feet and headed to the kitchen, remembering that he’d told Jess he would call her.

When she answered she instantly pelted him with questions, wanting to know if Dean was okay and what had happened.

“He’s fine, he just wasn’t feeling good,” Sam replied lamely. He really had no idea how to explain Dean’s behavior. “He really is a lot better, but he was up a lot more than he should have been yesterday and it just got to him.”

“Well that’s good. Wish I could have met him at a better time, you’ve always said such great things about him,” she said sincerely. She was always so genuine and kind—it was something Sam really liked about her.

“Yeah, well…hopefully you’ll get to see him when he’s back to his smart-ass self. Thanks again for the movies, by the way. We’re gonna watch ‘em tonight.”

“No problem. I remembered you guys are both total nerds and I thought it might be something you could do together.”

“Definitely, but don’t ever let Dean hear you call him a nerd,” Sam chuckled. “He likes to think he’s nothing but a hard ass.”

“Well, nothin’ wrong with being a bit of a dork sometimes,” Jess replied with a smile in her voice. “Speaking of that…I definitely think you and I should have a movie night sometime—nerd out a little bit ourselves.”

Sam’s heart sunk at her suggestion, hearing the hope and enthusiasm she felt. She still thought they were going somewhere—that maybe they could cuddle up on the couch and finally have that first kiss.

“Uhm…sure, I’d love to do that, but Jess…can I talk to you about something?” He really hated to do this to her. Under any other circumstances he would love to be with her and to give her all the little things she wanted, but that just wasn’t in him. Not when his heart belonged to Dean.

There was considerably less excitement in her voice as she answered, “Sure, what is it?”

“I…I like you, Jess. I think you’re really a cool girl…”

“But?” she supplied, sounding disappointed, but not angry.

“But…I don’t think we should be more than friends. It’s not that I didn’t want to be more than that, but I just…” He trailed off for a moment, not sure how to finish his sentence. He couldn’t tell her the truth, which seemed to be a recurring theme lately. “I guess I just don’t know how permanent me being here is going to be and I don’t want to lead you on.”

She was silent for a moment, probably processing the information, but when she spoke again she sounded happier. “It’s okay, Sam. I understand. I know you’re family life is kind of crazy, so I guess I kind of expected that.”

“Yeah, crazy is an understatement…thanks for understanding. I really am glad we’re friends.”

“I’m glad, too. You’re an interesting guy, Sam.”

Man, she had no idea how interesting his life really was. If she knew even half of what he’d been through she’d either be fascinated or run for the hills screaming.

“Thanks…well, I should probably go help my uncle outside, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Kay. Take care.”

“You, too.” Sam hung up the phone, sighing heavily as he dropped it back down on the receiver.

He didn’t feel like he was losing anything letting Jess go. He had the person he wanted and no matter how complicated that situation was it was worth it. However, he felt like a jerk for getting her hopes up and for having to lie to her constantly.

Sam had never stayed anywhere long enough to really make friends, so he’d never had to discover how hard it was to keep one with the life he had. Jess could tell him every little dark secret she had and none if it could ever compare to the skeletons in his closet. And he could never return that level of trust and openness….

No…in the end the only person in the world that would ever truly know him was Dean and somehow Sam was okay with that. He didn’t need anyone else.

 

* * *

 

Bobby went out to help a friend with a hunt that night, which Dean was kind of thankful for. As much as he liked having the old man around he liked alone time with Sam even more. When he was with his brother he didn’t feel quite so much like hell.

He’d been pretty much miserable all day, cringing every time he saw himself in the mirror and fighting down little bursts of rage as he had flashbacks from the previous night. He didn’t feel like himself at all. He felt sick and wrong and the only time that faded was when Sam was looking at him like he was the best damn thing in the world.

So, as soon as Bobby was safely away from the house Dean went to find his brother. It didn’t take long, considering Sam was on the couch reading, and he glanced up as Dean walked into the room.

“Where’s Bobby?” he asked, setting the book aside.

“Gone for a few hours. Helping a friend out.” A wicked grin appeared on Dean’s face as he made his way to the couch, sitting next to Sam. He leaned into him, planting a few eager, open mouthed kisses to his neck and added, “Whatcha wanna do to pass the time?”

Sam shivered and turned into Dean. “I think this is a good start…”

“Mmm…me, too, baby boy,” Dean chuckled softly, moving his mouth to his brother’s and twining his fingers in the back of his hair.

Sam moaned into the kiss and scooted closer, his arms draping around Dean’s neck.

It was going to take a lot of control on Dean’s part to keep this from going farther than it should, especially considering he still wasn’t quite feeling like himself, but he needed it. He needed to be close to Sam—to feel something other than the pit in his stomach.

It seemed like Sam needed it, too because within the first few minutes he was crawling onto Dean’s lap, straddling him and kissing him deeper. Dean groaned and pulled him closer, hands sliding down to grip Sam’s ass as he pushed his hips up.

They both gasped at the friction, mouths parting only for a second before they were sealed together again and their hips were rolling eagerly. They pushed into each other mindlessly, taking on a quick, almost desperate rhythm, and Dean gripped the back of Sam’s shirt tightly.

“Sammy, I need you so damn bad,” he growled against his brother’s mouth, working his groin into Sam’s just a little harder. “Only good thing in my life…I love you so fuckin’ much…”

“Love you, too…” Sam whimpered, resting his forehead against Dean’s and meeting his gaze with dark, keen eyes. “More than anything, Dean.”

He ran a hand through Dean’s hair and pulled his head back gently, exposing his neck. He trailed kisses down the length of it, stopping at his collar bone to nip at it and dip his tongue into the little nook just above it.

Dean moaned and gave a particularly strong thrust against Sam. “God, I want you…”

He wanted him more than anything he’d ever wanted in his entire life. Wanted to taste and touch every part of him. Wanted to tease him and drive him crazy and make him feel better than he’d ever felt.

Sam lifted his head, staring down at Dean and biting his lip in frustration. Even as they thrust against each other the look on Sam’s face said it all. They couldn’t go all the way—not yet. But Dean didn’t see why they couldn’t have a little fun while they waited.

“Got an idea,” he said, lifting his brother and shifting until Sam was on his back on the couch. “Can’t fuck you yet, but there’s plenty of other stuff we can do.”

Seeing Sam’s pupils blown wide with desire and his mouth parted hungrily was enough of an answer for Dean. He had the go ahead to do what he was planning and it looked like his little brother was eagerly awaiting it.

Dean took his time though, knowing that this was all new to his little brother. As he slid Sam’s shirt over his head and began kissing slowly down his chest, he reveled in the fact that he got to be Sam’s first in everything. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

He trailed his mouth down Sam’s stomach, flicking his tongue out now and again to taste his skin and watch him squirm. As he reached the space just below his navel he nipped at it gently and smirked as his brother groaned.

It was Dean’s intention to draw this out, allowing Sam time to soak up every little sensation. He wanted to spoil his baby boy, drive him crazy, and so far it seemed like he was doing a pretty good job of it. As he ran his fingers down Sam’s stomach to his hips his brother shivered and moaned, begging softly, “Dean, please…”

“Please, what, baby?” Dean purred, getting a hold of the button on Sam’s jeans and very slowly unsnapping it.

Another series of shivers—apparently Sam was _really_ a fan of pet names—and his cheeks burned a bright red as he muttered, “Anything…just want you _._ ”

That was good enough for Dean. He knew Sammy could be shy sometimes, so he wasn’t going to make him ask for more. Not this time.

Sliding the zipper of his brother’s jeans down, he pressed a few hungry, open mouthed kisses to his navel. Then he hooked his fingers in the waist of Sam’s pants and pulled them down his legs, tossing them aside.

He took a moment, just kneeling at the end of the couch, to admire the beauty in front of him. Sam sprawled out half naked with his cock straining against his boxers, face red and eager, kiss-swollen lips parted as he panted….Jesus Christ, Dean was a very lucky guy.

Groaning with approval, he leaned back down, capturing Sam’s mouth with his own and slipping a hand into his brother’s underwear. He gripped his cock, savoring Sam’s sharp intake of breath at the touch, and began to stroke him slowly.

Sam was already coming undone underneath him, wriggling and whimpering into Dean’s mouth, hips bucking up so that he was fucking into Dean’s fist. God, Sammy was a force to be reckoned with when he was this worked up, the little sounds coming out of him with every stroke driving his big brother absolutely crazy.

“Think this feels good, Sammy?” Dean murmured against his mouth. “Like it when I jack you off?”

Sam stared up at him with so much desire in his eyes, nodding frantically, unable to form a proper word through all the moans and heavy breaths.

“Mmm…such a good boy…just wait ‘til you feel this.”

Dean’s eyes were dark and mischievous as he slid back down Sam’s body, his heart hammering almost painfully as he settled between his legs. As much as he wanted this and as ready as he was for it, Dean was still nervous. He’d never given a blow job before—had only received them—and he wanted it to be good for Sam.

He didn’t let the nerves get to him though, feigning complete confidence as he licked a stripe up the back of his brother’s dick before taking the red, dripping head into his mouth.

 And that was all it took for Dean to decide that he fucking loved this. He loved the salty-sweet taste of Sam’s precome on his tongue; loved the way his baby brother’s cock twitched in his mouth as he tongued the slit to taste more. He went crazy for the way Sam groaned his name as he took his cock deeper into his mouth, sucking experimentally and swirling his tongue around the length.

Fuck, he could probably suck Sammy’s dick all night long if he’d let him. He was pretty sure he was nearly as turned on by it as Sam was, rutting into the couch and moaning around the fullness in his mouth.

“Oh my god, Dean…feels _so_ good,” Sam gasped, hand wrapping in his brother’s hair. “Not gonna last…”

“Don’t want you to, baby boy. Want your come in my mouth.” Dean wasn’t sure where the words came from, but they were incredibly true. As he took Sam back into his mouth he began stroking the bottom of his cock eagerly, trying to push him closer to the edge.

It didn’t take long before his brother was writhing underneath him, stomach quivering and hands gripping the sides of the couch until his knuckles turned white. He threw his head back and screamed out Dean’s name as he came, the sound of it like music to his brother’s ears.

Dean only sucked harder as Sam poured into his mouth, the warm, sticky fluid flooding over his tongue and down his throat. He swallowed it without question, slightly stunned by just how much he enjoyed the taste of it. And hell, the intimacy of it—of drinking his brother in like that—was enough to push him to his own orgasm and he ground his hips harder into the sofa as he came.

He continued to nurse at Sam’s cock until there was nothing left for him to give, and then he somewhat regretfully let his brother slip from his mouth.

When he glanced up at Sam he found him staring down at him with the most beautiful, dazed expression that he’d ever seen. Dean just beamed at him, licking the taste of him from his lips, and said, “I think Bobby needs to leave us alone more often. “


	9. Just You and Me

The boys did exactly as Sam said they would, watching all three movies in their Star Wars box set as they waited for Bobby to get home. They snacked on popcorn, lounging on the couch in their pajamas and curling up next to each other.

It was a nice way to spend the night, even when Bobby got home after the second movie and they had to put a little space between them. Still, Dean’s head managed to fill with unpleasant thoughts and soon the horrible pit in his stomach was returning.

He barely made it through the last movie, finding it harder to laugh and smile in all the right places and joke around with Sam and Bobby. He just wanted to be alone for a while—to work through some of the shit he was feeling and give into the anger and guilt roiling inside of him rather than fighting it off.

When the movies were over and his brother went to get a shower before bed, Dean was thankful. He loved being with Sam, yes, and that was the only time he felt good anymore, but he needed that little bit of time to himself. As he lay on his bed, releasing all of the tension and letting the fake smile fade, he didn’t feel better, but he did feel a strange sense of freedom.

This was who he was now—this broken and hopeless shell of the old Dean—and now he didn’t have to pretend. He gave himself over to the crippling guilt and sadness that had nagged at him since he’d woken up, burying his sobs in his hand and letting the tears roll shamelessly down the sides of his face.

His head raced with so many thoughts; thoughts about the damage he’d caused to himself in a frenzy to hunt, about the pained look on Sam’s face when he’d found him weak and scratched all to hell, about his father not being there to help him because he couldn’t stand the fact that his son was a monster…but most of all he thought about the never ending expanse of full moons he had ahead of him. All those nights locked away, ripping himself to shreds while his little brother cried outside the door because there was nothing he could do.

Dean cried harder than he had in a very long time, but as he heard the shower turning off he worked on getting himself under control. He didn’t want Sam to see him like this. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed—he trusted his brother too much for that—but he just didn’t want to burden Sam with his pain. He was already dealing with so much and he was so supportive. He didn’t have to wipe the tears from Dean’s face as well as the blood. It didn’t seem fair.

So somehow he composed himself and rolled onto his stomach, hiding his red face in his pillow and feigning sleep as he heard his brother come into the room.

He felt like hell, but when Sam slipped into bed next to him and pressed a soft kiss to the back of his neck he couldn’t help but smile.

* * *

 

Sam was worried about Dean as they got their breakfast, which was just bowls of cereal that morning. There was something different about him—something more resigned…something sad.

What worried him even more though was when that sadness didn’t go away over the next few days. Dean didn’t mope—he wasn’t really that type—but he got quiet and pensive, his eyes lacking their usual luster. It scared Sam to death.

He asked him about a few times, but Dean just brushed him off ( _I’m fine, Sammy. Just got a lot to think about_ ). It wasn’t like he’d expected anything more, but he still couldn’t help hoping. Whatever was going on inside his brother’s head he wanted him to share it with him. He wanted to carry some of the weight for him if that was possible or at least relieve him of it just for a little while.

The only time he ever saw the light come back to Dean’s eyes over the next week was when they were alone together. Whether it be the two of them sweating and groaning as they writhed against each other in Dean’s bed or just holding each other before they drifted off to sleep, his brother only seemed happy when they were pressed as close together as they could manage.

That was why he felt sick to his stomach when Bobby announced that John was on his way to Sioux Falls and would be hanging around for a while. Bobby always kept pretty busy and didn’t question what the boys were up to, so they had more time to be together in peace, but John…he’d be wanting to catch up and then he’d have a million questions about Dean and he’d probably nag at them to start doing some training again…

For never being around, John had always been a bit too invested in what his boys got up to. He wanted them training and hunting and making money where they could with the practices John had taught them. He’d be a bit more lenient given what was going on, Sam was sure of that, but he didn’t see him easing up too much. That was probably the only way he could deal with what had happened to Dean—making damn sure he didn’t suffer as a hunter because of it.

It was going to be really hard for Sam and Dean to have alone time aside from when they went to bed and that wasn’t enough. There was so much time during the day for Dean to slip even further into the misery that seemed to be taking over him and Sam shuddered to think of what that would do to him.

The day that John was supposed to arrive, Sam didn’t want to let Dean out of the bedroom. He just wanted to hold him and kiss him as long as he could, but he knew he couldn’t. Bobby may not pay too much attention to what they got up to, but he might find it a little odd if they stayed locked in their bedroom for an entire day.

Their father didn’t get to Bobby’s until eight o’clock at night, but when he arrived Sam didn’t miss the way Dean suddenly became more animated. He put on a smile and hugged their dad, greeting, “Hey, Dad. S’good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too. Both of you boys. Dean, how you holdin’ up?” John seemed genuinely concerned and Sam was thankful for that. Dean needed their father to be there for him and he was pretty sure that it was weighing on him that John hadn’t been there for the full moon.

“I’m getting through it,” Dean replied with a shrug. “Now that I know what to expect next month shouldn’t be quite as bad. At least that’s what I tell myself.”

Sam felt his stomach knotting up at his brother’s words. He wanted them to be true—wanted Dean to be okay and to be optimistic. But that wasn’t the case. Dean was miserable and struggled through every day and Sam knew he was dreading the next full moon so much it was driving him crazy.

“Well that’s good…glad this whole plans seems to be working out. Seems like you hit some road blocks though…” John’s gaze moved to the scars on Dean’s cheek, which had shrunk over the past week but were still fairly obvious.

“Uh, yeah…guess I just didn’t have anything else to tear up.” The liveliness Dean’s voice had taken on dissipated some and Sam reached over, gently brushing the scars on his forearm. It was the only way he could think to tell him that it was okay—that the scars didn’t make him any less wonderful.

“Right…Dean, look, I’m real sorry I wasn’t there for it, I just…” John shook his head and glanced at the floor. “Yes, I was busy on a hunt, but I should’ve been there for ya.”

Sam wanted to tell him it was too little, too late and that he didn’t need to be there for any of the full moons. He wanted to tell him that he could handle it—that he’d handled it just fine along with all of the fallout over the past week. But instead he kept his mouth shut and listened as his brother said so calmly, “It’s alright, Dad. You got a job to do, you can’t just stop. And I wasn’t alone.”

“No, I guess you weren’t. Thank you, Sammy, for looking after your brother.”

What else was he going to do? He belonged with Dean—the rest of the world could wait. “Wasn’t a problem.”

“So, Dad, why don’t you tell us about that hunt?” Dean suggested, seeming to sense the tension in his brother. He obviously wanted to avoid one of the epic fights that Sam and John were capable of getting into.

They all headed out into the living room to catch up, Sam sitting as close to his brother on the couch as he could without anyone questioning it.

 

* * *

 

The night went on in a fairly normal manner, no serious hiccups as the conversation went on. That was mostly thanks to Sam’s ability to hold his tongue and Dean’s skill at pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.

However, Sam started to doubt his abilities when the subject of the next full moon came up. It was Dean who brought it up, saying something about the next time being easier, but it was John’s reply that got under Sam’s skin.

“We just have to hope it will be,” he said, glancing between his sons as he continued, “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to be here for it—depends on work—but I know Sam will take good care of you if I can’t make it.”

It was like a fire had been lit in Sam’s gut and it was following a line of gasoline straight to his mouth. He didn’t want to snap—Dean didn’t need that—but he couldn’t hold back the heated retort that he spat at his father.

“ _If_ _you can’t make it_? Jesus, Dad, don’t you think what Dean is going through is a little more important than the job?”

He felt the eyes of everyone in the room on him and he could see the look on Dean’s face that said he didn’t have to do this. It was that look that kept him from pressing further before his father even had a chance to reply.

“Sam, you’ve gotta understand,” John sighed, “I know Dean’s safe with you and Bobby, but all those people out there…they don’t have people to protect them. They need me.”

“Dean needs you!”

“Sammy, stop, it’s alright…” Dean protested, reaching for Sam’s arm.

“No, it’s not! It’s not alright! Dean, he doesn’t just get to pop in whenever things are fine and then bail out as soon as they get tough.”

“Is that what you think I do?” John hissed, getting to his feet. “’Cause I’ll tell you what, it sure as hell wasn’t easy raising you boys on my own and trying to keep you safe from all the darkness out there! You think I wanted this life for you? Of course I didn’t!”

“Well maybe if you’d been around more and let us live a normal life instead of turning us into soldiers this never would have happened! Dean would be _fine_!” Sam was standing now, too and not too long after that Dean was up next to him.

“Sam, I _am_ fine, okay? I’m alright.”

“No, you aren’t. You can’t fool me that easy, Dean. Dad and Bobby, sure, but me? I know you better than that.”

Dean’s face changed from frustrated to livid within a second and his voice was fierce and low as he stared down his brother. “Sam, _stop_. I know you want to defend me, but I can’t deal with this right now.”

Sam opened his mouth to protest, his stubborn streak trying it’s hardest to break through, but Dean cut him off as he went on, “I’m not kidding. I can’t handle this shit right now. You and Dad, you can sort out your differences on your own time, but I’m not gonna be the reason this family goes to hell.”

With that Dean turned, marching off towards the kitchen and slamming his fist into Bobby’s wall on his way out.

 

* * *

 

Sam tried to go after his brother, but before he had a chance Dean was outside starting up the Impala. He stood in the doorway, watching as his brother drove off down the street, and sighed heavily. He hadn’t meant to upset him, but he didn’t know how to just stand by and watch John behave like he had no hand in what had happened to Dean.

The whole thing was a mess and as Sam walked out onto the porch he wondered why he and Dean couldn’t seem to catch a break. He figured with losing their mother and being raised on the road that they’d been dealt a bad enough hand as it was, but now…well, he’d say things couldn’t be worse, but he knew they could be. Dean could be dead and it was only his relief that his brother had survived the attack that made it all bearable.

It was strange how the only thing that seemed to make sense to him anymore was his relationship with Dean. When he looked at everything they were going through and the events of the past couple of months the only part of it that he didn’t have to question was that.

He knew they would get through it all somehow just like they got through everything else, but the in between wasn’t going to be easy.

Taking a seat on the steps, Sam decided he’d wait for his brother to get back. He couldn’t sleep without him anyway, so what else was he going to do?

 

* * *

 

Dean didn’t know where he was going. He just knew he couldn’t stay in the house for another second. He couldn’t stand to watch his family fight because of him. 

Driving aimlessly, he pondered the reasons (or better yet the _reason_ ) why he was still alive at all and smiled despite himself. He couldn’t be mad at Sam, not really. He’d only been trying to look out for Dean’s wellbeing just like he had been since the mess they were in had started. Just like he had been when he’d talked Dean out of dying even though that was all he’d wanted to do at the time.

He still wanted to take that road at times—when he was alone with his thoughts and Sam wasn’t right next to him reminding him why he should keep going. The scars, the hunger that never really seemed to go away, the knowledge that if he didn’t go out and endanger everyone  around him that he’d tear himself apart…sometimes it all just seemed like too much to deal with for the rest of his life.

But then when Sam was close, when he could see him and hold him and taste him, he knew exactly why all of it was worth it. He knew why he’d take the gashes to his body and why he’d just shrug it off when a steak wasn’t enough and he started getting cravings that were too weird to indulge in.

Sam was also the reason that Dean eventually turned the car around and headed back towards Bobby’s. He knew his little brother would be up all night waiting for him and he couldn’t do that to him.

Through everything they’d been through in their lives they had always stuck together, especially when their dad was gone for days at a time and the only thing they had was each other. That wasn’t going to change now. John could do what he wanted; it didn’t make a difference to Dean what he chose. If he couldn’t be there for the next full moon, Sam would be.

 

* * *

 

When the roar of the Impala’s engine met Sam’s ears he sat up straight, peering down the driveway. It was close to midnight as Dean pulled up and as he came into view Sam got to his feet.

“Hey,” Dean called, poking his head out the window as he rolled past the porch. “Gonna park her in back; I’ll meet you out here in a minute.”

His little brother waited patiently and when Dean finally came back around to sit by his side he smiled at him softly. “Hey, Dean.”

“Sammy, I’m sorry,” Dean sighed, reaching over and taking Sam’s hand. “I didn’t mean to blow up on you like that; I just…this whole thing is so fucked up…”

“S’okay. I understand.” He gave Dean’s hand a squeeze and scooted closer to him. “I’m sorry I called you out like that. I know you’re dealing with everything the best you can.”

“You were right though. I’m not alright. I don’t know _how_ to be alright with this.” He shook his head and glanced down at their hands where they were intertwined on his knee. “Shit, if it wasn’t for you…I wouldn’t wanna be alive, Sam. I mean, what else do I really have to live for?”

Sam’s heart felt like it was breaking as he listened to his brother. As much as it made him happy to be Dean’s reason to carry on he hated that Dean didn’t feel like there was more to his life—like he didn’t have a purpose anymore.

“Lots of things. You know I’m not the only who loves you, right? I mean, sure, Dad’s never really been a contender for the Father of the Year award, but he’d never get over it if he lost you. And there’s Bobby and hunting…”

“Yeah, hunting,” Dean scoffed, looking over at Sam with doubtful eyes. “A monster killing monsters? Not so sure hunting is a good idea anymore.”

“Well then we’ll find other things,” Sam pressed. “We’ll travel and try all kinds of new things. It can be just you and me if you want. Just the two of us finding new reasons every day for you to keep going.”

He placed his free hand on the side of Dean’s face, meeting his gaze. “I won’t give up on you, Dean. We’ll keep looking for a cure if that’s what you want. And if not…we’ll do something else. But I’m not giving up.”

Dean gave a soft smile and leaned into his brother’s touch. “As long as you’re still with me I don’t care what we do.”

“Okay.” Sam smiled back and leaned in, kissing Dean lightly. “Ya know, I can think of something we could do right now if you don’t want to go inside yet…”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“Follow me to the car and find out.” A teasing smirk curled Sam’s lips and he got to his feet, walking backwards down the steps and towards the back of the house.

“Sammy, did I ever tell you that you’re the best brother _ever_?” Dean chuckled, hurrying after Sam eagerly. 


	10. Pressure

Sam did his best not to look guilty as he and Dean headed back inside. It was a bit of a challenge considering his head was filled with what had just taken place in the Impala. Looking his father in the eye after he’d just gotten off by grinding down onto Dean’s lap was slightly awkward.

“It’s late, you boys should get to bed,” John insisted as soon as they assured him everything was okay.

“Yeah…g’night, Dad,” Dean replied, not wasting any time heading for the stairs. Sam followed right behind him, wanting to get cleaned up and go to sleep.

Once they were in clean pajamas and lying in Dean’s bed, Sam grinned at his brother and said, “Don’t think I’ve had that much fun in the Impala before.”

“Yeah, me either.” He grinned back and pulled Sam to him. “Ya know, you’re the first person I ever fooled around with in there.”

“Seriously? All those dates you went on and you never…?” Sam almost couldn’t believe that. He hadn’t imagined for a second that he was the first person Dean had messed around with in his car, but hearing that he was…it made him feel pretty good.

“Not once. Guess I didn’t feel like any of those chicks were worthy of my baby,” Dean chuckled, shrugging. “You, however…well, you’re worthy of doing anything and everything in that back seat.”

Sam shivered at that and watched his brother with lustful eyes. “I plan on doing anything and everything with you. Someday.”

He wanted to do all of it now—wanted to try so many new things and experience everything with Dean, but there was an unspoken agreement between them that they had to wait. Sam had his own reasons for waiting—mostly that he just felt it was the moral thing to do—and he knew Dean had his reasons as well.  

“Yeah…someday. Couple years maybe.” Dean brushed a hand through Sam’s hair and kissed him softly. “You’re worth the wait.”

“Mmm…so are you,” Sam sighed contentedly against his brother’s mouth. “Love you, Dee.”

Dean closed the tiny gap between them, kissing him deeply and wrapping his fingers in his hair. “Love you, too, Sammy.”

Sam threw a leg over Dean, wriggling closer to him, and rested his head against his chest. Breathing in Dean’s soothing scent, he closed his eyes tried not to think about what the next day was going to be like.

 

* * *

 

Breakfast went just about how Sam expected it to. As they sat down to eat, John looked up at Dean and asked, “So, Dean…given any thought to where hunting fits into all this?”

“Uhm…yeah, a bit,” he muttered, taking a bite of his bacon. “I mean I’d love to keep hunting, I guess I just don’t know if I should.”

“’Course you should. You might not be able to do it full time anymore, but Dean, there’s still dangerous creatures out there and you’re a damn good hunter.”

“Dangerous creatures like me?” Dean set down his fork, forgetting the piece of egg he’d been about to eat.

“No, not like you. Real monsters—the ones that kill with no remorse.”

“I dunno, Dad. I need time to think it all through.” He picked his fork back up and pushed his food around his plate. “Can you just let me figure out how to get through a transformation without scratching myself all to hell before I start planning how to hunt around the full moon?”

John went silent for a moment, and then nodded as he said, “Sure. But I’ll help you plan things out when you’re ready, all ya gotta do is ask.”

It was Dean’s turn to nod before he started in on his eggs, obviously done with the subject. Sam knew he wasn’t at all decided on whether he ever wanted to hunt again and it seemed like John just assumed he would jump right back into it.

Part of Sam wanted to see his brother go back to doing what he loved, but at the same time he never wanted Dean to hunt again. That was what had gotten him into that mess to begin with. And he was so smart and good at so many other things—sometimes Sam just wanted him to have a chance to see that there was more to life than killing monsters.

“Hey, Dean? I was thinking maybe you and I could get outta the house for a while today,” Sam suggested, glancing to his side at his brother. “Could go out to the river. Found a nice spot that’s quiet—might help you clear your head some.”

And they could be alone—truly alone. The spot he was thinking of was in the country away from roads and houses. It was just grass and trees and the winding waters of the river.

“Sure, Sammy. I could use some fresh air anyway,” Dean decided, looking over at his brother. Sam felt Dean’s leg brush against his under the table and they smiled knowingly at one another.

They didn’t waste time finishing their breakfast after that. Both of them were ready to get out of the house and away from John’s prying eyes.

As soon as the kitchen was picked up they hurried upstairs to grab Dean’s keys and a couple of books (Sam was still after Dean to start reading A Game of Thrones), and then headed to the Impala with a quick goodbye to John and Bobby on their way out.

“Alright, Sammy, where we goin’?” Dean asked as they pulled out of Bobby’s driveway, one of Dean’s tapes playing softly through the speakers.

“Turn left and keep going straight ‘til I tell you,” Sam supplied.

Dean nodded, a small smile lighting up his face. He followed his brother’s directions and cranked up the radio as they rumbled down the road.

 

* * *

 

They had to park the car and walk a ways to get to their destination, but Dean didn’t mind. It was a gorgeous day—eighty-five degrees with clear skies—and Sam looked happier than Dean had seen him in a while. And he looked beautiful in the open field they crossed, sunlight illuminating the golden highlights in his hair and accenting his tanned skin. It seemed like staying at Bobby’s was doing him some good, the usual dark bags under his eyes from long nights in the Impala pretty much gone by then.

Dean reached over and took his hand, smiling lightly at him. “This was a good idea. Thanks, Sam.”

“I know you’re not used to staying in one place for long,” he replied with a shrug. “Thought it might do you some good to get away from Bobby’s for a bit.”

They made it to the river then, taking a seat under the trees. Dean leaned back, legs kicked out in front of him and elbows propping him up. “So, what do we do now?”

“Well, you could always start A Game of Thrones,” Sam suggested with a smirk.

“You’re determined to turn me into a huge nerd like you, aren’t you?” Dean glanced over at his brother, who was now holding the book out to him with an innocent smile. He snatched the book and set it in the grass to his left before reaching over and getting a hold of Sam. He wrapped his hand in the front of his brother’s shirt and gently pulled him down until their lips met

 Sam kissed him back for a moment, bracing himself with one hand on either side of Dean, before pulling  back and chuckling, “Ya know, it won’t kill you to read.”

“I’ll read in a little bit. We’ve got all day, Sammy. Now c’mere.” He yanked him back down, a little harder this time, and Sam tumbled forward onto him. He was laying over him in the grass now and Dean kissed him enthusiastically, hands roaming down his back.

This felt like heaven to Dean. The gentle breeze in the trees, the rays of sun streaming through the leaves, Sam so warm and soft, pressing him into lush grass…he could lay there forever. If he could survive off Sam’s kisses alone, if they could nourish his body the way they did his soul, then he would never leave.

Time slipped by unnoticed as they lounged by the river, mouths moving together leisurely and hands roaming curiously over one another. Dean slipped his fingers gently through Sam’s hair, traced them down the side of his jaw and neck, over the length of his body…he just let them explore, soaking up the smooth, sun-kissed warmth that was his Sammy.

It was peaceful there, not much noise other than their slow kisses and the occasional quiet, tender moan that Sam would make against his brother’s mouth. Each one drove Dean crazy, but he didn’t allow himself to give into the hunger they started in him. He wanted to enjoy this—to take his time and memorize every little thing, particularly those blissful sounds.

By the time Sam finally rolled to his side, still clinging to Dean but freeing his mouth momentarily, at least half an hour had passed. They were both breathing shallowly, faces red and hard bulges pressing against the constriction of their jeans.

“I could kiss you forever,” Dean sighed, smiling with satisfaction and moving onto his side as well. He ran the pads of his first two fingers over Sam’s kiss-swollen lips and groaned softly. “God, Sammy, you’ve got such a gorgeous mouth…”

He watched as his brother shivered at the compliment, his eyes darkening and his tongue subconsciously sweeping out over his lips.

Before Dean could fully pull his hand away, Sam grabbed it and kissed his fingers gently. And then he did something that made Dean moan low in his throat, sucking his fingers into his mouth and running his tongue up the crease between them. It only made it better that his cheeks flushed red and his eyes watched Dean nervously, so innocent and unsure of his actions.

“Fuck…gonna be the death of me, I swear,” Dean whispered fervently, shifting his hips as his cock strained against his jeans.

Sam released Dean’s fingers slowly, smirking at his reaction, and whispered back, “There’s something else I wanna do for you, but…m’kinda nervous.”

God, Dean was pretty sure he was going to come right then and there from that alone. “Don’t gotta be nervous, baby boy…just remember, when I did it for you that was my first time, too.”

“Yeah, but you were still really good at it,” his little brother chuckled quietly, hand roaming to Dean’s hip and stroking his hip bone absent mindedly.

“Well…I only want you to do it if you really want to. And if you do, then know I’m gonna like anything I do with you.” He was pretty sure they could try anything and just because it was Sam he was doing it with he would enjoy himself, at least a little.

That seemed to encourage Sam a bit, because he stopped looking quite so shy and sat up. His eyes roamed over Dean for a moment, thoughtful and indecisive, and then something seemed to click and he moved forward towards his brother.

He settled between Dean’s legs, leaning down and pushing up his shirt so that he could place shy, but eager kisses to Dean’s stomach.

Dean shivered and propped himself up on his elbows, watching Sam with eyes full of desire. His baby boy looked good like that, lying in the grass with his hand working at the button of Dean’s jeans. As he slid the zipper down, cheeks flushing red, he glanced up at his brother nervously.

“S’okay, Sammy, you’re doin’ just fine,” Dean assured him, stroking his fingers soothingly through Sam’s hair.

Smiling softly, obviously comforted by those words of encouragement, he yanked the jeans and his big brother’s boxers down a ways. When Dean’s cock sprung free, straining up towards Sam’s face, it seemed like all of his uncertainty disappeared. He made a small, hungry moan and sucked Dean into his mouth, tongue exploring his length curiously.

“That’s it, baby,” Dean cooed, continuing to stroke Sam’s hair. “Take your time.”

 

* * *

 

Sam started slow, mouth moving up and down Dean’s cock and testing how much he could take. He sucked at it gently and licked into the slit, lapping up his precome and whimpering softly at the taste. But as he grew more confident, finding his limits and discovering which actions made his brother really moan, he sped up.

It seemed like he was doing a pretty good job, because Dean was going crazy for it. He had one hand fisted in Sam’s hair and the other tearing at the grass, his mouth spewing all kinds of dirty words.

“Shit, baby boy, and I thought your mouth looked pretty around my fingers,” he panted, propped up on one elbow and staring down at Sam like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. “Feels so fuckin’ awesome…you’re a natural, Sammy. Suckin’ your big brother’s cock so good…”

Some part of Sam knew it probably shouldn’t make him just want to take Dean’s dick deeper when he said things like that, but it did. He wasn’t with Dean because they were brothers—that had nothing to do with it—but he’d be a liar if he said hearing Dean talk that way didn’t turn him on.

Hell, it seemed like everything about Dean turned him on. So far nothing compared to this though—to Dean’s cock shoved deep in his mouth, precome falling into his tongue before he eagerly swallowed it down, and his brother writhing and groaning with a look of pleasure on his face that nearly bordered on pain.

He could probably do this all day if it weren’t for the fact that his jaw was getting sore and he was pretty sure Dean was about to come. His words were coming faster and breathier and the hand in Sam’s hair was tightening.

“Fuck, m’so close. Gonna come, baby. Come right in that gorgeous mouth of yours. That what you want? Huh, Sammy? Wanna taste me?”

Sam groaned and sucked harder, his hand working at the base of Dean’s cock. Apparently his enthusiastic response was about all Dean could take, because his stomach quivered as his body tensed, his speech giving way to a strangled cry.

Sam took his reward without hesitation, sucking down every last drop of what Dean gave him until his brother grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him up for a kiss. Dean’s hand was still gripping his hair as he licked the taste of himself out of Sam’s mouth and when he finally pulled back he had a massive grin on his face.

“ _God damn_ , Sammy,” he panted, staring up at his brother in wonder.

Blushing at the praise, Sam smiled back at him and asked, “So it was good then?”

“Good?” Dean laughed in disbelief and kissed Sam hard. “Baby boy, that was fucking amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Hell yeah. And you know what? It’s your turn now.” Dean smirked and rolled them over, pushing Sam into the grass.

 

* * *

 

They spent the remainder of their time by the river lying together and reading. Sam rested his head on Dean’s stomach and Dean played with his hair absent-mindedly, finally starting on that damn book.

They didn’t head home until late in the afternoon, Dean feeling more relaxed and rested than he had in quite a while. He held Sam’s hand the whole drive home, knowing when they got back that reality would catch up to them and he wouldn’t be able to be close to him until they went to bed.

What they had was strange, but it worked, so he didn’t question it. As soon as he’d decided he wanted Sam, and as soon as Sam had agreed to give them a chance, that was it. He was committed to it now and he’d see it through no matter what obstacles they faced.

However, it became clear they were going to have an extra hurdle to jump as they finally got back to Bobby’s. They walked into the living room to find Bobby, John, and Jess all sitting in front of the television and chatting enthusiastically about the movie they were watching.

“Uh, Jess...hey,” Sam greeted, surprise evident on his face.

Dean watched the blonde girl as she looked up at Sam, grinning broadly and sitting up a little straighter. “Hey! I wanted to drop by and see how you were doing. Bobby invited me in to wait and we just kinda wound up watching movies all day.”

“Looks like it’s been a lazy day for everyone,” Dean mused, trying not to think about Jess hanging out with their father like she was part of the family or something. He knew Sam had ended things with her, but he also knew that both Bobby and their dad would very strongly prefer Sam to be with Jess than him. In fact, they’d insist on it.

“Yeah, but I think we all need one of those sometimes,” she said, glancing at Dean curiously. He could tell she was examining the scratches on his cheek, but she apparently decided it would be rude to ask about it. “You feeling better?”

“As good as I’m gonna feel. I, uh…I’m gonna go upstairs and get a shower. Let you two chat.” He met Sam’s gaze for a moment, flashing a quick smile, and then headed to the bathroom.

He knew he had no reason to be jealous. Sam was with him and that wasn’t going to change any time soon, but when he saw Jess…when he saw the way she looked at Sam and the approving way John looked at her…he knew that he should stop being selfish and let his brother go. That girl could give him a much better life than Dean ever could.

But he was, in the end, a selfish person even though Sam would argue otherwise, and he knew he’d never leave his brother unless Sam made him.

 

* * *

 

Sam was feeling anxious as he caught up with Jess. They sat on the front porch, John not-so-casuallydismissing them so that he and Bobby could “discuss some work”. Sam knew damn well they weren’t working on any case and he wondered why his dad had to pick that day to suddenly care about the love life of one his sons.

“So, it kind of seems like your brother doesn’t like me much,” Jess observed, chewing at her lip and glancing over at him.

He wanted to comfort her, tell her he was just hard to get to know, but that wasn’t completely true. Dean was usually a personable guy and you could even say he was warm towards those that were dear to his family. Of course Sam knew why his brother got so tense whenever Jess was around, but he couldn’t tell her all of that.

“He’s just kind of moody lately,” Sam replied with a shrug. “Give him a chance to get to know you and I’m sure he’ll be a little nicer.”

“I would like to get to know him. I know he’s important to you; I can see how close you two are.”

He smiled at that. She had no clue just how close they were, but he still understood what she was saying. “Well we’ve still got a month left of summer for that. Don’t know if we’ll still be here after that though.”

“You’ll visit though, right? And you’ll call when you can?” She smiled softly at him, all yellow and pink in the dim light of the sunset, and he knew he could never cut this girl out of his life completely. He couldn’t stay and be with her, but he couldn’t just forget her either.

“Of course I will. You’re one of my best friends, Jess.”

“You’re mine, too.” She reached across the small space between them, resting her hand on his. It was a friendly gesture, but he could see the affection in her eyes as she looked at him. “Where will you go if you don’t stay here?”

“Who knows?” Sam sighed. “My dad doesn’t like to stick to one place. I know he’d let me stay here with Bobby, but…”

“But Dean won’t want to stay?”

He nodded, eyes shifting to the stairs, and wondered if Dean _would_ stay if he asked him. After all, he wasn’t so set on hunting now and with having to be locked down every month traveling would be a lot harder. But he had no idea what his brother wanted—or if Dean even knew what he wanted—and he couldn’t ask that of him. Not just yet.

“He might…if I asked him to. But he’s so much like my dad and I don’t…I don’t really know how to be away from him. He’s kinda been the only constant in my life since I was a baby.”

“I get that…he’s your safe haven,” Jess mused, giving Sam’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Dean was without a doubt Sam’s safe haven. He was Sam’s home, his family, his love… _everything._ “Does my life just seem completely crazy to you?”

She chuckled at that, moving her hand back into her own lap. “A little…it seems like I know so much about you, but at the same time I don’t know anything at all.”

“Yeah, I s’pose I can be a little vague sometimes, huh?”

“A little?”

He didn’t miss the accusing stare she shot at him, but it was instantly followed by a forgiving smile as she said, “It’s okay. It’s only been two months—don’t want to spoil all the surprises.”

“Thanks, Jess.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a quick, but tight hug. When he released her he sighed and glanced back toward the door, deciding it was probably time for him to get inside. He had no idea what state Dean was in at the moment and he wanted to check on him.

He said goodnight to Jess and headed inside, wanting to go straight for the bedroom but getting stopped by his father as he reached the living room.

“She’s a real sweetheart, Sammy,” John said with a smile. “Taken that girl out on a date yet?”

“Dad, it’s not like that,” Sam sighed, not wanting to have that discussion.

“Why not? You know she’s crazy about you, dontcha?”

“C’mon, you know I can’t have a girlfriend. Not with everything that’s going on.”

He had to fight back a groan as his dad shrugged, a look of uncertainty on his face. “Well, it’s not like you’ve gotta marry her, Sam. All I’m sayin’ is that it couldn’t hurt for you to date a little. Enjoy your down time.”

“I’m only fourteen. I’ve got time.” And he wasn’t interested in anyone other than Dean, who he was really eager to get to at the moment.

“That’s true. Guess I just don’t wanna see you pass up a good thing.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad. She’s my friend and that’s enough for me right now.”

John simply nodded and sipped at the beer he had sitting on the table. “Alright. Go get some sleep, kiddo.”

 “Yeah…g’night, Dad.”

Sam hurried up the stairs, entering the room to find Dean lying on his bed and staring blankly at the ceiling. The fading sunlight just barely illuminated his face, which turned towards Sam slowly.

“Dean…you okay?” He didn’t like the look on his brother’s face. His eyes were dim and the usual smile he wore for Sam was missing.

“Sammy…why do you wanna be with me?” Dean muttered.

Sam frowned at that, understanding now why he looked so down. He was beating himself up again, something that seemed to be a favorite pass time of his.

Crossing the room to Dean’s bed, Sam tried to think of the right words to make him understand that he didn’t need to feel guilty. He wasn’t robbing Sam of anything—he only gave him everything he could ever want.

“Why wouldn’t I wanna be with you?” he returned, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You’re everything to me, Dean.”

“But with Jess you could have the normal, apple pie life that you want so bad. Instead of taking care of a werewolf for the rest of your life.”

“Maybe I like taking care of _my_ werewolf.”

Dean’s lips curled up at the corners slightly and he rested his hand on Sam’s knee. “Dad would kill us, ya know? If he found out…”

“Is that what’s going on? You think I should be with Jess ‘cause Dad likes her?”

Dean shrugged, looking back up at the ceiling. “M’not ever gonna leave you, Sammy. I don’t have it in me. But you should leave me.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t have it in me to leave you either.”

Dean’s gaze moved back to Sam and he laughed quietly. “Good.”

Sam leaned down and kissed his brother, lightly caressing his cheek. He knew what he was getting into choosing to be with Dean, but he didn’t care.

“I gotta warn you though…Dad has suddenly taken an interest in my love life, so this next few days might be a bit of a bitch.”

“S’okay…for every time he mentions that girls name around me you can just owe me a blow job.” Dean grinned up at him, obviously proud with his plan.

Sam smirked and settled in next to his brother. “Hmm…hope he talks about her all day tomorrow.”

 


	11. Truth Torn Wide

_I made something and thought I'd share to give you an idea of how I picture them :)_

__

* * *

 

 

The next week was, fortunately, not quite as bad as the boys expected it to be. They kept themselves busy, working outside and helping with any cases Bobby was called into, and before they knew it Saturday had come around and it was time for John to leave.

Neither of them were necessarily _happy_ to see their dad go, but it definitely made things less complicated once he did. They hugged him and saw him off Saturday morning and when Bobby left to take care of some business an hour later Sam and Dean were basically ecstatic.

“Are we seriously alone?” Dean said in disbelief, staring after Bobby’s truck out the window. He watched it disappear and looked over at Sam, who watched next to him with a wide grin.

“I think we are.” Sam returned his gaze, but he barely had the chance to finish his sentence before his brother was pushing him up against the wall by the window.

“Ya know what I think, Sammy?” Dean whispered, leaning in and devouring Sam’s neck with his mouth. He gripped the front of his shirt almost desperately, so eager to be close to him while he could. “Think we should just take off. Pack up, jump in the Impala, and just get outta here. We could be together like this all the time, no one else to worry about.”

“Sounds like heaven,” Sam sighed contentedly, his head lulling back against the wall and making way for Dean’s mouth. “Nobody would know anything about us.”

“We’d just look like a couple runaways and we’d be gone before they could try shipping us back home. And you know what else? We could make as much noise as we want…all the time.”

Dean felt his brother shiver and smirked, nipping at his collarbone and dropping his hands to his hips. “Like that idea, don’t ya? Screaming as loud you want for me?”

“Mmm…let’s do it, Dean. Let’s just go. Now.”

Dean smiled at that, leaning back to meet his brother’s gaze. “You really would do it if I asked you to, huh?”

“I’d do anything for you,” Sam said softly, wrapping his arms around Dean.

“I wish we could go, Sammy. Wish it could just be me and you forever.”

“Me, too…someday, maybe. When Dad can’t have me dragged back by the police.”

“How ‘bout this? That’ll be my gift to you when you turn eighteen,” Dean offered, brushing his fingers through Sam’s hair. “If you still wanna go, then we’ll go. Just us.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Good. Now why don’t we take this to the kitchen? Kinda like the idea of tagging Bobby’s whole house, don’t you?”

The grin that spread over Sam’s face was positively devious and Dean thought for the millionth time that he had to be the luckiest guy in the world to have Sam all to himself.

 

* * *

 

The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Between sneaking off to find new places to be alone and helping Bobby out, the boys didn’t have time to be bored. And sometimes when they did stay home Jess would come by and hang out, making an honest effort to get to know Dean like she’d said she wanted to.

That probably would have bothered the hell out of Dean if she hadn’t started backing off Sam so much. She was getting a lot better at treating him like a friend and nothing more, so Dean decided he could be sociable and get to know her. By the second week he had decided that she was actually a pretty cool chick and they had even talked her into going out to a secluded field and learning how to shoot.

That’s where they were on August 12th, about a week before the next full moon. They’d set up an array of targets ranging from cardboard with a bullseye drawn on to old bowling pins dangling from the trees. Jess was trying out an old Colt .45 single action revolver, Sam and Dean sitting on the hood of the Impala and watching her intently.

“Step your foot back and out a little more,” Dean suggested, studying her stance. “Ground yourself real good. Once we bust out the shotguns you’ll get knocked on your ass if you don’t have a good stance.”

She did as he said, settling into a comfortable and sturdy position before raising the pistol.

“Now breathe,” Sam told her. “Relax into it a bit. Helps your aim if you’re not tense.”

She nodded, her shoulders rising and falling as she took a couple of deep breaths.

“Think she’ll be any good?” Dean wondered, glancing over at Sam.

“I think she’ll surprise you.”

“We’ll see…”

They went silent, waiting as she prepared herself. It only took her a few seconds before she was ready, squeezing the trigger and firing off the first shot. The recoil seemed to surprise her a bit, her eyes widening for a moment, but she didn’t break her stance. She just took another breath, lowered the gun slightly, and fired again.

“Well, I’ll be damned…,” Dean muttered as she unloaded the gun, not doing a half bad job from what he could see. No one was perfect on their first try, but she seemed to grasp the concept pretty damn well.

“Told you,” Sam said with a smirk, hopping off the car as she finished off her rounds. “Good job, Jess! Let’s go take a look at that target.”

Dean smiled, getting down as well and following them across the field. As they reached the target, examining the damage, he couldn’t deny that he was impressed. Five out of the six shots had made it onto the cardboard and two were fairly close to the center.

“Shit, you’ll be better than Sammy in no time with an aim like that,” he chuckled, accepting the shot that Sam took at his arm with a wide grin.

“Ya think?” Jess replied enthusiastically, smiling at the cardboard like it was the best thing she’d ever seen. “Man, I really thought I was going to suck.”

“Nah, not with Dean teaching you,” Sam said, taking a step back and looking at his brother. “He’s the best shot I’ve ever seen other than our dad.”

“Can I go again?” she asked hopefully, earning herself a laugh from both of the brother’s.

“Sure. C’mon.” Dean headed back towards the car, Sam and Jess trailing behind him. “You get to load it this time.”

 

* * *

 

They stayed out in that field for hours, Sam and Dean obliterating the bowling pins just for fun and teaching Jess as many tips and tricks as they could think of. By the time they’d blown through all the ammo they could afford to waste their targets were shredded and all of their ears were ringing despite the protective gear they wore.

As they drove home, Jess falling asleep in the back seat, Dean was in a really good mood. He reveled in it for as long as he could, knowing that over the next week his mood was going to go downhill. He was dreading the next full moon so bad it made him sick to his stomach at times, but he did his best to feel happy when he could, even just for Sam.

He did a lot of things for Sam those days, because that was the only thing that really made him happy. Seeing his baby boy light up, that smile as bright as the damn sun, always set Dean’s soul on fire in a way that made his life worth living despite everything else.

Still, even that couldn’t stop the hold that the lycanthropy had on him. By the time his next transformation was four days away he was feeling downright mean. He was on edge constantly, the hunger and restlessness settling in.

That’s why he was sitting in his room cleaning his gun rather than outside on the porch playing cards with Sam and Jess. Sam had tried to tell him that he could send Jess home and that he’d stay up there with him, but Dean didn’t want that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his brother around, it was more just that he wasn’t in the mood to have _anyone_ around. He needed to be alone for a while.

 

* * *

 

“Is Dean alright?” Jess asked, glancing from her cards up to Sam. “I never see him cooped up like that.”

“It happens sometimes,” Sam replied with a shrug. “He’ll be fine.”

He looked up at her, expecting her to make her next move, but instead she set her cards down and stared at him intently.

“What?” he muttered, feeling suddenly anxious under her scrutiny.

“You and Dean…you’re not like other people. There’s just so much I’ve noticed since he got back and I…” She trailed off, nibbling at her lip uncertainly and running a hand through her hair.

Oh hell…what was she getting at? There were a million things about Sam and Dean that weren’t exactly normal and he wasn’t sure where she was going with this. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Jess, what is it?” he pressed anyway, figuring they should probably just clear the air and get it out of the way. If she wanted to walk away when the conversation was over that was just something Sam would have to deal with.

“I don’t know if I should say, because if I’m wrong I’m going to sound like a total ass,” she sighed pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you can say right now that’s going to make me think that of you. Just say it.”

“Okay, but I’m just running on instinct here, so don’t flip if I’m totally off, okay?”

Sam just nodded, wanting to get it over with.

“Are…are you in love with Dean?” she asked nervously, staring at Sam with anxious eyes.

Sam didn’t know whether to feel relieved or horrified by her question. He didn’t know which idea was worse—Jess knowing about him and Dean or her knowing what Dean was—so he couldn’t decide which question he would have preferred.

Either way he knew he had to answer. He could probably lie—laugh at her and pretend she was crazy for thinking something like that. But he got the feeling she would probably just see right through him, so that option was out.

“Why do you ask that?” he muttered, locking eyes with her and searching for any signs of disgust or anger. He was a bit stunned when he didn’t find anything other than intense curiosity.

“I dunno, it’s just…the way you two look at each other, I guess. And the way you talk about him. It’s like…hero worship, but more intense. More…real.”

“What if I said yes? What would you say?” He looked down now, afraid of the rejection he was expecting at his indirect confession.

She was silent for a long moment and his heart started to race wildly. God, she was going to take off any minute. He just knew it.

“Well…if I didn’t know you I’d say it was crazy,” she admitted slowly. “But I do know you. I know both of you.”

He looked back up at her now, swallowing the lump in his throat and asking, “And?”

“And it’s actually kind of beautiful, to be honest.”

Sam almost choked on the gasp that left him. That was not at all what he was expecting her to say and he stared in shock, waiting for her to elaborate.

“Just look at the life you two have,” she went on, smiling softly. “Lost your mom when you were too young to really remember. Have a dad that’s never really around. You’ve said yourself he’s been the only constant thing in your life—it’s no wonder you love him.”

“Are you serious right now?” Sam muttered, only half aware of the tears forming in his eyes. Was she honestly _supporting_ them?

“Completely. Sam, I know most people would tell you it’s wrong, but you love each other. It’s not…some weird taboo; it’s _love_ and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

The tears were rolling down his face now and he smiled at Jess like she was an angel before leaning over the small table between them to hug her tightly. “You’re my best friend, Jess, you really are.”

She chuckled and hugged him back, saying, “Well, I’ve been thinking about it since I first met Dean and he got all weird whenever I touched you…it was kind of a big clue.”

“I don’t know if you have any idea how much this means to me,” Sam went on, leaning back to smile at her. “I mean it’s not like we can tell Bobby or my dad—they’d freak. But having someone know…having someone else behind us, that’s huge to me.”

“You know, I’m willing to bet Bobby would support you. I mean, I won’t say a word to him about it, but…someday you might want to think about talking to him.”

“Yeah, well, Dean’s gonna be riled up enough having one person know, I don’t think we need to drag Bobby into it, too.”

“Think he’ll be mad?” Jess asked, frowning.

“I dunno…I’m not sure I want him to know you know just yet.” Dean was on edge and Sam really wasn’t in the mood to test his limits at the moment.

Still, he sighed, leaning back in his chair and smiling with relief. He never had any doubts about his relationship with Dean, not when it came to the morality of it, but it was still nice knowing that someone other than the two of them thought there wasn’t anything wrong with it.

 

* * *

 

Sam had decided to keep it a secret until after Dean’s transformation that Jess knew. So when she came over the next day he kept his hands to himself even though Bobby was out buying groceries. It was hard to do considering he knew Jess would be fine seeing them together, but he didn’t want to push his brother. He was already so tense.

He was pacing the floor of the kitchen at the moment, Sam watching him curiously from the table as he and Jess ate lunch. He wanted to ask him what was up with him, but he didn’t think it was a good idea. The last thing he wanted was Dean exploding and saying he something he shouldn’t considering their current company.

Sam hadn’t even wanted to let Jess come over. He insisted that it was a bad idea and that Dean was too close to his transformation, but that had only led to his brother screaming about how he wasn’t some freak that should be avoided and it wasn’t even the full moon yet ( _not gonna hurt her, Sam, I’ve still got three days!)._

And so there she was, watching Dean with the same quizzical stare as Sam.

“Why hasn’t he called yet?” Dean finally huffed, coming to a stop by the phone and glaring at it.

“Dad?” Sam clarified, understanding now what was going on.

“Yeah, _Dad_. Not sure I even want to call him that anymore. Maybe I should just call him John.” Dean turned and slumped back against the counter, frowning at Sam.

“Dean…you want me to call him? See if he’s coming home next week?”

“No, I don’t want you to call him. He should be calling _us_.” He pushed off the counter and started pacing again, rubbing at the back of his neck irritably. “We’ve heard from him once all month! That ain’t like him, Sam.”

Sam didn’t know what to say. No, it wasn’t like John to go that long without at least a phone call, but then again things had changed a lot over the summer. As much as their father said he wanted to be supportive Sam knew it was hard for him. He knew that seeing the scars on Dean’s face and knowing what he was constantly tore at John—reminded him that someday he might have to put his own son down. At least that was how he saw it. As far as Sam was concerned no one would be putting Dean down ever.

“Why don’t you go outside for a bit or something?” he suggested. “Cool down a bit. If he calls I’ll let you know.”

“I don’t wanna go outside! I don’t wanna do anything! I just want to know that my father doesn’t fucking hate me!” Dean was shouting now and as he came to a stop again he reached for the phone, snatching it up in one swift movement. In the same motion he turned and chucked the clunky, white object across the kitchen. It slammed into the far wall with a loud crash, Jess gasping at Sam’s side and nearly jumping out of her seat.

“Jess, maybe you should go,” Sam muttered, glancing over at her and seeing the fear mixed with sympathy in her eyes.

“I’m not going to touch her, Sam!” Dean roared, turning his fierce stare on his brother.

Sam stared back at him, hardly recognizing the person he was looking at. Dean’s eyes were dark and wide with fury, his jaw clenched as tightly as the white-knuckled fists hanging at his sides.

“I never said you would. I just don’t think she needs to see this, Dean.”

It was at that moment that the phone, surprisingly still plugged in despite the violence dealt upon on it, decided to ring. Everyone went silent, shifting their gaze in its direction, and Dean hurried forward to pick it up. He cradled the receiver against his side and answered it quietly, “Hello?”

There was silence for a long moment, but Sam didn’t have to hear what was happening on the other end to understand. The tears that swelled in Dean’s eyes and the intent way he was fighting them back were dead giveaways. Dad wasn’t coming home this month either.

Dean didn’t even bother to reply. He just set the phone slowly back down, hanging up on John, and stood up straight. He was eerily still and quiet now and Sam was getting nervous. He’d seen this before.

“Jess…can you please go?” Sam insisted, getting up and moving slowly towards his brother.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to do though, because Dean snapped out of his trance as Sam spoke. He turned on them, chest heaving with heavy breaths and the pupils of his eyes thinning into catlike slits.

“Sam, what the hell is going on?” Jess whispered, voice trembling.

“Just…don’t move…” Sam was shaking now, heart hammering, and he stepped in front of Jess. “Dean, it’s me…Sammy…look at me, okay? Really look at me.”

But Dean was long gone as his mouth gaped open, fangs forming and face marred with an animalistic rage. He gave a spine-chilling roar that made Jess scream out in terror and before Sam could do anything to stop it his brother was charging forward.

Sam barely had a chance to shout Dean’s name before he was being shoved aside, tumbling back towards the table. The kitchen blurred around him as he fell and the last clear thing he saw before the blinding pain shot through the back of his head was Dean smashing Jess up against the wall. A moment later everything was swiftly going black, bloodcurdling screams ringing in his ears. 


	12. For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I made an 8tracks playlist for some of the music I listen to while writing this. It's here: http://8tracks.com/loveyoueternally/the-summer-of-97 if you want to listen :)

“Sam? Sam, wake up. C’mon, open your eyes, kiddo…”

It was Bobby’s voice speaking to him, that much Sam could tell, but it was distant and dreamlike. He tried to follow it through the haze that hung over him, trying to get the message from his brain to his eyes to look at the man who was surely hovering over him.

It took a couple of tries, but finally Sam’s eyes peeled open and he grumbled, “Bobby?”

“There ya are…scared the shit outta me, boy. Can ya see okay? How many fingers am I holdin’ up?”

Sam stared at the hand over his face, watching it swim against the light behind it. “Two…s’kinda blurry though…what happened?”

Bobby helped him sit up and he tried to remember how he’d wound up on the kitchen floor unconscious. He remembered screaming and the back of his head throbbed…

“Dean…transformation must’ve been triggered by somethin’. If I hadn’t gotten back when I did…”

Oh, god. It was coming back to him now and he felt his breath coming shorter as his heart thudded almost painfully. “Where is he? Where’s Dean?”

“I got him in the bunker. Been carrying silver ever since he turned, just to be safe,” Bobby explained. “Got a chain around his neck and dragged him down there. Wasn’t easy, but he’s locked up at least…not sure if he’s turned back yet.”

“What about Jess? Is she okay?”

“I think she’ll be alright, but she ain’t fine,” Bobby admitted. “Dean cracked a couple ribs slamming her into that wall and I’m pretty sure her left shoulder blade is fractured. Takin’ her to the hospital here in a minute to make sure there ain’t any more damage.”

“What’re you going to tell the doctors?” Sam pressed, his mind moving almost faster than he could keep up with. He wanted to get downstairs to Dean, but he wasn’t even sure he could stand up yet.

“She already said she’d lie for him. Say she was goofin’ around in the salvage yard with you boys and fell.”

“I’m guessing she’s pretty freaked, huh?” He sat up a little further, taking a deep breath and trying to focus.

“You could say that. Think she’s in shock, ‘cause she hasn’t even bothered to complain about all the pain I know she’s in.” Bobby sighed and adjusted his cap, getting to his feet. “You should probably come, too. I don’t think you’ve got a concussion, but it couldn’t hurt to get ya looked at.”

“And tell them what? That we both just happened to fall off something?” Sam pointed out the flaw in his plan and gripped the table, hoisting himself to his feet.  “I’ll be alright, Bobby. I need to be here with Dean anyway.”

“Guess you’re right…just take it easy and don’t go to sleep, alright?”

“Alright. Get her to the hospital and I’ll be in the basement.”

He didn’t waste any time with Jess. He wanted to talk to her—see how she was—but nothing was more important than being with his brother. If he’d changed back he would be scared and alone with no recollection of what had just happened.

So he headed straight for the basement, his heart wrenching when got to the stairs and heard Dean yelling for him.

“Sam! Sammy, where are you? What happened? SAM?”

He sounded completely frantic and he was pounding at the bunker door. Sam hurried to him, opening the door as fast as he could manage as he called, “Dean, I’m here! It’s okay. Hold on.”

When he finally freed the lock he yanked the door open and pulled Dean into his arms without a second thought. He barely even got a look at him before he was cradling him against his chest and whispering, “S’okay…I’m right here.”

Dean was trembling all over and Sam could feel his tears leaking onto the front of his shirt. “Sammy, what happened? What’d I do?”

“Shh…not right now, Dean. Not right now. Just relax.” Sam slowly shifted, sitting on the cold ground with Dean clinging to him like a lifeline. He stroked his hair gently and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

He’d never seen his brother like this before and it was terrifying. Dean never fell apart. He didn’t panic or break down. But now he was shaking from head to toe, sobbing into Sam’s shirt and gasping for breath.

“Breathe, Dee, just breathe,” Sam whispered, pulling Dean as close as he could. “Just feel my breath, okay? Breathe with me.”

They worked at that for quite a while, Sam breathing deep and slow and following his brother’s movements. They relaxed a little at a time until he was finally still and calm, holding Sam tightly and muttering, “Did I hurt Jess?”

Sam choked on his answer, not knowing how to say yes. He knew Dean was going to be crushed—that any progress he’d made was going to be torn to shreds with one simple word.

“She…she’s gonna be okay,” he said quietly, feeling his brother go stiff in his arms.

Dean pulled back, sitting up to stare at his brother with wide, fearful eyes. “What’d I do to her?”

“She’s got a couple cracked ribs and a fractured shoulder blade…Bobby’s taking her to the hospital right now.”

The sob that left his brother was heart wrenching. It was strange how one sound could be filled with so much pain and self-loathing and the sound of it brought tears to Sam’s eyes.

“Sammy, I’m so sorry… should’ve listened to you, she shouldn’t have been here—”

“Dean, hey…it’s okay, she’s gonna be alright,” Sam assured him, reaching out take his hand. Dean jerked back, crawling backwards away from his brother until he was stopped by the small bed at the center of the panic room.

“Did I hurt you? Sam, are you okay?” Dean examined him with frantic eyes and Sam nodded.

“I’m fine. Nothin’ wrong with me.” There was no point in telling him about the pain at the back of his head. That would only make him feel worse.

“Fuck…I could’ve killed you guys.”

“You didn’t though. We’re alright.”

“Jess isn’t alright!” Dean’s shout echoed off the walls of the bunker and Sam looked down at the floor, wringing his hands in his lap. He didn’t know what to say to make this better, not when Dean’s pain was so fresh.

“How did this even happen?” Dean muttered, slumping back against the bed and staring listlessly at Sam. “I thought I needed the full moon to change.”

“Bobby thinks your anger triggered it. I mean, it’s just about the right time in the lunar cycle and you’re temper is higher right now…”

Sam’s brother scoffed and shook his head. “Well, shit, when does that start? ‘Cause as far as I know I could just wolf the hell out at any given time if someone pisses me off.”

“Maybe…maybe we should find another werewolf…ask them some questions, see what they can tell us about all of it?” It was the only thing Sam could think of. The internet and books could only tell them so much. They could get so much more out of someone who had experienced it themselves.

“Maybe you should just kill me.”

The words caught Sam off guard and his gaze snapped up to his brother. “No. We’re not giving up this easy.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one who turns into a mindless monster.”

Dean sighed and pushed himself to his feet, apparently done with the conversation as he walked past Sam without another word. He headed upstairs and Sam remained on the panic room floor, unable to hold back tears any longer. They streamed down his face now and he slumped forward, crying into his arms.

 

* * *

 

When Sam finally got through his crying jag and went to find Dean he didn’t have to search far. He was in their room, sitting stoically on the edge of his bed and staring at the floor. His hands were folded together in his lap and as Sam entered the room he slowly looked up.

“C’mere,” he said softly, reaching out a hand for his brother.

Sam obeyed silently, walking over to Dean and taking his hand. He let his brother wrap his arms around his waist, standing in front of Dean with a sad smile playing on his lips.

Dean’s fingers roamed under the back of Sam’s shirt, stroking slowly over his skin, and his eyes locked with his little brother’s. They were a more vibrant green than Sam had ever seen, shining with a million thoughts and emotions.

“Sammy…,” he whispered softly, hands moving further up Sam’s back and pulling him closer.

 “Dean?”

“You know I love you, don’t you?” He traced his fingers around to Sam’s chest before trailing them slowly down to his navel.

“’Course I do. I love you, too…” Sam carded his fingers through Dean’s hair and leaned down, kissing him softly.

Dean smiled into the kiss and gripped Sam’s hips, gently urging Sam onto his lap. His brother didn’t protest, willingly straddling his thighs and draping his arms around Dean’s neck.

He didn’t quite know what had gotten into Dean, but he just went with it, savoring the gentleness and love that he touched him with. And as Dean stretched up and kissed him lightly, lips just barely brushing his, he sighed softly with pleasure. So many times their kisses were quick and fervent, eager to get as much out of the little time they had alone as possible, but not this time. This time Dean seemed determined to take his time.

That didn’t change as he laid Sam down on the bed, hovering over him and moving his mouth down his jaw and neck. His lips ghosted over Sam’s skin, the tip of his tongue occasionally flicking out and making Sam shiver. He worked his way down, pulling his brother’s shirt off and getting it out of the way so that he could lavish every inch of his torso with those sweet, teasing kisses.

It was not only his mouth that was practically worshipping Sam, but his hands as well. They roamed everywhere, caressing his skin and exploring all the curves and mounds of Sam’s muscles. By the time Dean had finally started to unfasten his jeans Sam was flushed red and his breath was shallow. He watched Dean intently, practically squirming under his touch now, and bit his lip as his brother pulled down his pants and boxers.

“Dean…,” he whimpered, staring at Dean longingly. “Want you to touch me…”

“Not yet, baby boy,” Dean whispered against Sam’s inner thigh before continuing with his mouth’s teasing onslaught of kisses.

He left them all over, down Sam’s legs to the tips of his toes and back up to his hips. He licked at Sam’s hip bones as his hands caressed his thighs, just barely missing the one place that his little brother wanted him most at the moment.

“God, Dean, _please_ ,” Sam begged, gripping the sheets and moaning as Dean nipped at his hip. “Want it so bad…want _you_.”

“Soon, sweetheart,” his big brother cooed, kissing just below his navel. “Not done with you yet.”

Dean sat up, kneeling between Sam’s legs, and began to trace his fingers over the same path his mouth had just taken. Goosebumps sprung up all over Sam’s body and he groaned, so eager for more but also loving every second of what Dean was doing to him.

Finally, as his hands reached Sam’s waist, he touched his cock for the first time since he’d gotten started. He took it in one hand, stroking it slowly and watching Sam’s face intently as it became distorted with pleasure.

“Love you so much,” Dean whispered before sinking down and taking Sam into his mouth.

He took his time with that, too, not just swallowing his brother down like he only had a few minutes to enjoy it. He seemed to be savoring every inch, kissing and licking at Sam’s cock and moving his mouth leisurely over its length. And all the while his thumbs rubbed gentle, soothing circles over Sam’s hips.

Dean was driving him absolutely crazy. Every inch of his body was singing with desire and pleasure and he knew he wasn’t going to last long—not after everything his brother had just done to him. And when he was close, body tensing and moans growing louder, Dean did something else that was just too much.

Unfastening his jeans swiftly and pulling his own hard cock from his boxers, he took both of their lengths in his hand and began stroking them together.

Sam gasped Dean’s name and began to buck up into his fist, increasing the friction and pushing himself even faster over the edge. Dean went right along with him, both of them pouring all over his fist and Sam’s stomach.

As they finished, Dean leaned down over Sam and ran his tongue through the mess they’d made, eyes locked on his little brother’s as he did so.

“Dean…,” Sam purred, fascinated with sight before him. The desire and love on Dean’s face was astounding and some part of Sam wished he could make love to him right then and there.

He watched Dean keenly as he cleaned every last drop with his tongue before moving up to kiss Sam, the taste of them lingering in his mouth.

“You’re so amazing,” Sam whispered, cupping the back of Dean’s neck.

“Nah, that’s you,” his brother replied as he pressed their foreheads together and smiled. “Best thing in my life, Sammy.”

Sam didn’t know how this had happened—how he’d fallen so completely and irrevocably in love with Dean—but he wouldn’t change it for anything. As they lay there smiling at each other, Sam’s body still trembling slightly from the force of his orgasm, he knew that no matter what anyone else might say, this was right.

“Thank you for making me give us a chance,” he said softly, caressing the side of Dean’s face where the scars were still visible.

His brother simply smiled and kissed him softly before lying on his side, curling up to Sam.

Sam knew this was his brother’s way of dealing with everything and as badly as he might want to talk about what had happened he chose not to. He would comfort Dean however he had to and they’d discuss it all when he was ready. For now he just wanted to hold him.

 

* * *

 

Dean woke up to find their bedroom dark and quiet, Sam sleeping peacefully at his side. He was still naked, curled up under the comforter, and the sight of him made Dean’s heart ache.

He was so beautiful and innocent, looking even more like an angel in his sleep than he did while he was awake. Dean gently caressed his face, careful not to wake him, and leaned in to press a kiss to his hair. It smelled like sunshine and the leaves in the trees with a mix of the green apple shampoo he liked so much.

“Love you, baby boy,” he whispered before slipping out of the bed and across the room.

He didn’t have much to pack. Most of what he owned he kept tucked in his bag, ready to go at a moment’s notice just like him. A few clothes, weapons, holy water, small stash of food, and his wallet. That was all he needed.

He rifled through his bag as quietly and quickly as he could and when he decided he had it all he headed for the door.

It was the hardest thing Dean ever did not looking back as he left the room. He wanted to take one last look at Sam—to commit that peaceful, beautiful  face to memory even more than he already had—but he knew he’d never be able to go if he did that.

And he had to go, no matter how bad he wanted to stay. Putting Jess in the hospital was bad enough. If it had been Sam’s ribs that he’d cracked he could never manage to forgive himself for that and he couldn’t wait around for it to happen.

So he crept through the house, making sure Bobby had not returned home yet, and when he decided it was clear he made his way out to the salvage yard. The Impala was too loud to take—Sam would be awake in no time—and as much as Dean hated to leave her behind he decided on something more discrete.

However, he did stop at his car to leave the note he’d written while Sam had been in the bunker. It was messy, scribbled hastily as he made his decision to go, but there was no way he could go without saying goodbye. Sam would hate him for leaving enough as it was even with the note.

As he climbed into his choice of vehicle, taking a glance at the empty space at his side, he choked back the tears threatening to fall and rolled down Bobby’s driveway for what he was sure would be the last time.

 

* * *

 

“Dean?” Sam mumbled, reaching his arm across the small bed and frowning when he found it empty. Dean must be up already, which was fine, but he’d kind of been hoping to cuddle up to him for a while before they got up for the day.

Opening his eyes and slowly sitting up, Sam realized he was still naked. The reminder of what had happened before he’d fallen asleep made him smile softly and he sat there for a moment, just playing it over in his mind.

He couldn’t do that for long though. He needed to get dressed and find Bobby so he ask him how Jess was.

However, as he pushed himself out of bed and headed to the dresser, he was stopped in his tracks. Something wasn’t right as he glanced around the room. Something was missing.

“Oh, god…,” he muttered as he figured out what it was, his heart sinking with a sickening swoop. “Dean…”

Dean’s bag was gone. It no longer sat by the door like it had since he’d first come to stay with Bobby.

As panic began to overtake him, Sam quickly threw on his outfit from last night and hurried downstairs, calling, “Dean?!”

This couldn’t be happening. Dean wouldn’t do this to him, he couldn’t. They’d agreed to work through this together and that’s what they were going to do. Dean wouldn’t leave him.

That’s what he told himself as he tore through the house, screaming his brother’s name and growing more and more afraid when he didn’t get a reply.

It was Bobby’s voice that finally answered him as he made it to the living room, tears swelling in his eyes and his heart hammering so hard it was making it hard for him to breathe.

“Sam, what’s goin’ on?” Bobby called from the kitchen. A moment later he appeared in the doorway, frowning as he took in Sam’s frantic state.

“Where’s Dean?” Sam choked, his breath growing shallower every second.

“I thought he was still asleep upstairs…the Impala’s still here, so he can’t be far.”

That was all Sam needed. He rushed out of the house, nearly knocking Bobby over as he scrambled past him, and went to find the car. Just seeing her sitting there was a relief, because surely there was no way in hell Dean would go without her. That car was his pride and joy.

But as Sam reached the driver’s side door, every last ounce of hope he’d been harboring was torn away. He collapsed against the side of the car, staring through the window at the note sitting on Dean’s seat, and wondered if he even dare open the door to read it.

Of course he knew he had to. He needed to know what it said—needed to know if his brother was coming back—so he pulled the door open and picked up the piece of paper.

_Sammy,_

_I know you might hate me for this, but believe me when I say no one hates me_  
 _more than I hate myself right now. Had it been you that went to the hospital_  
 _there’s no way I could ever forgive myself. I can’t allow myself to hurt you. I can’t_  
 _hold you back from a real life and I can’t keep you in harm’s way. That’s why I_  
 _have to go. It’s the last thing I want to do. Leaving you is like leaving my soul_  
 _behind. But’s it’s what’s best. Even if you can’t see that now, you will. So please,_  
 _Sammy, try to live a good life without me. Try to be happy. I know it’s selfish of me_  
 _to ask that of you, but I don’t see why we both have to suffer. I never want you to_  
 _suffer. I love you, baby boy. More than anything in the world. Goodbye._

_Dean_

Sam read it three times over, but it still didn’t make sense. Even as he slumped down in the front seat of the car and read it for a fourth time it just didn’t add up to him. How was he supposed to be happy like this? How could ever be happy without Dean?

“Sam? You okay?” Bobby called from the porch.

No. God, no, he wasn’t okay. He’d never be okay again, not if he didn’t find his brother.

“Bobby, we’ve got some tracking to do!” he hollered back, staring down at Dean’s words and refusing to accept them. This wasn’t how it had to be. They weren’t giving up, not now and not ever. And if Bobby wouldn’t take him, well…Dean had left him the car and John had made sure he knew damn well how to drive it.


	13. On the Road Again

Dean drove for hours, not quite sure where he was going. He just wanted to put distance between him and Sam before he could break down and go back to him. Besides, if he didn’t know where he was going then surely Sam and Bobby wouldn’t know either.

At this point he honestly felt he’d be better off taking the car off a bridge and just ending everything, but he couldn’t do that. He owed Sam more than that. Even if he couldn’t stay with his brother he still had to try—had to find others like him and give life as a werewolf some kind of chance. Surely there had to be others that didn’t kill humans; wolves that could show him how to live with this life in a way he could bear.

That was his goal for now. He was going to hunt, tracking down packs and making an effort to find somewhere to fit in. It made it easier to keep going knowing he had a plan.

None of this was truly easy though. Dean’s heart ached to the point that it was almost crippling and there was a pit in his stomach that he didn’t think he could ever get rid of. The idea of never seeing Sam again—or at least not for a very long time—was like his own personal Hell.

But the hope that his brother could find some happiness eventually was enough to defeat his selfish need for Sam. No matter how bad he wanted to turn the car around, he wouldn’t. He had to give Sam a chance to fall in love with someone good for him and go to college and be happy without Dean around.

Jess would be there for him and so would Bobby. He’d get through it and he’d come out stronger on the other side. That’s just the kind of person Sam was.

 

* * *

 

Sam hadn’t backed off Bobby all day. He was still pressing for them to go after Dean as dinnertime rolled around knowing it would be easier to do if he wasn’t on his own.

But Bobby kept insisting that if this was what Dean needed then they needed to give him his space.

“He’ll come around on his own when he’s ready,” he said for about the millionth time that day, sitting at the kitchen table with his plate. “We’re only gonna chase him off if we go after him now.”

“But he can’t be in a good state of mind right now. What if he hurts himself? Or hurts someone else?” He couldn’t be out there on his own. It was a horrible idea for more reasons than Sam could count.

“Dean’s smart. And if he wanted to hurt himself he woulda just did it. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about, Sam.”

He didn’t know how Bobby could be so calm. Every minute that they just sat there Dean was getting farther away. But it wasn’t like Sam could just take off in the car with Bobby watching, so either way he had to wait it out.

He had a plan forming and he’d been working out the kinks in it all day. He knew a place nearby where he could get a fake driver’s license and possibly a credit card; he, Dean, and John had stopped there before to get similar items. However, he didn’t know how the hunter who ran everything would feel about helping out a fourteen-year-old that was all by himself. He’d have to have something to bribe him with, probably.

He couldn’t get a motel room on his own, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do about that. Sure, he could pass as sixteen, but there was no way he’d be able to pull off eighteen. He figured he could just sleep in the Impala, but he’d have to be careful not to draw too much attention and get the cops called on him.

So, if he managed to work all of that out and get out of Sioux Falls successfully, the only thing left to do was figure out where Dean was going.

Sam knew he wouldn’t stick to their usual way of doing things. He’d want to throw anyone who might come looking for him off his trail, which meant the only thing Sam could really do was follow his gut.

He waited until Bobby had been asleep for about an hour before leaving, not wasting any time getting down the driveway and onto the road in case the rumble of the engine woke him.  All he had to do was make a couple of quick stops in town and then he’d be on his way to Dean.

 

* * *

 

Dean had made it into Washington a few hours ago and just kept driving, not entirely sure where he wanted to go. He knew he needed to stop for the night fairly soon and as he rolled into Olympia he decided it was as good of a place to stay as any. It was big and had quite a few inns to choose from, which meant he would be harder to find if anyone had somehow managed to catch up to him.

He decided to go a little higher up in class than he normally would, picking the Governor Hotel after calling and making sure that it wasn’t too pricy. The place wasn’t bad—definitely nicer than what he was used to in those shabby motels—and the bed was huge.

The first thing he did when he got to his room was take out his laptop, deciding he should start on research. It was going to be strange—and a bit of a bitch—not having Sam around to do it for him, but he’d manage.

He looked for any trace of werewolves, particularly in areas close by, searching for the most of the night. For quite a while he wasn’t finding anything worth looking into, but as four in the morning rolled around he stumbled across something promising.

There was a farm in Marsing, Idaho known for the cattle they raised, but lately their business had been suffering due to bizarre attacks on their livestock. Apparently their cows had been found mauled and the local police were saying it must be some kind of animal attack. According to the comments Dean was now browsing through on the news article, it was rumored that the cows were found with their hearts missing.

“Well, well…,” Dean mused, leaning back in his chair. “Looks like I’m goin’ to Idaho.”

 

* * *

 

By six o’ clock the next night Dean was checking in to the La Quinta Inn in Caldwell. He carried in the one bag he had, examining the small, but oddly charming lobby area. It looked more like a living room than a hotel lobby and it was empty of all but one other person.

The girl was sitting on the brown, leather couch with a thick paperback book in her hand. She didn’t bother to glance up as he walked in, her long, chestnut hair hanging in her face.

“Hey, there,” Dean greeted, making his way up to the service counter and watching the young woman curiously. She looked to be around his age, maybe a bit younger, and only her blue eyes moved as she looked at him.

“Hi,” she said softly, lowering her book slightly. As she saw his face she raised her head a bit more, gaze shifting to the nearly faded scars on his cheek. “What brings you to Caldwell?”

“Just traveling and need a place to crash for a while.” Dean shrugged, adjusting his bag and ringing the silver bell on the counter.

“Traveling where? Not trying to be nosy, it’s just…not many people just _choose_ to come to Idaho for no reason.”

“Not really sure where I’m going, honestly. Just, uh…seein’ where the road takes me.”

“A nomad, huh?” The voice came from behind him and he turned to see an older, petite blonde woman smiling at him. “Well, you’re in luck. Got a few rooms open so you can take your pick.”

“Just need somethin’ small. Do you have weekly rates?”

“Sure do. I’ll give you one king for the week for five-hundred,” she told him.

“Sounds good to me. You take credit cards?”

 

* * *

 

Dean checked in under the name Tom Collins and checked into his room. The only possessions he bothered to set up for the week were his laptop at the small desk along with a picture of Sam on his nightstand. He’d never really had a home, so decorating and settling in was never his thing.

He sat at the edge of his bed, sighing heavily as he glanced over at the photo of his brother. He really hoped that someday he might be able to see him again. If he could get this all under control and Sam could find some kind of normalcy then maybe they could be brothers again in the future. It would never truly be enough for Dean, not really, but anything was better than never seeing Sam again.

Deciding he’d be more productive doing research than sitting there moping, he got up to go to his computer. He was sidetracked though by a light knock at the door. Out of habit his hand dropped to the pistol under his shirt and he checked the peephole before answering, deciding he should be safe when he saw the girl from the lobby standing in the hallway.

He pulled the door open and smiled at the slender young woman, but his grin faltered when he saw the accusing stare on her face.

“Tom Collins, huh? Like the cocktail?” She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms, adding, “A week is a long time for someone just passing through.”

“Uh…I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Dean muttered, completely thrown by her statement. Was she onto him? Could she be?

“You’re a hunter, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know the type and I could see it the moment you walked into the lobby. What’re you doing in Idaho?”

Well, hell…apparently she knew a lot more than he thought she did and he started to examine her a little closer, searching for signs that she might be the person he came looking for. She didn’t exactly scream “werewolf” but then again he probably didn’t either.

“How do you know about hunters?” he countered, hand still hanging over his gun.

“Don’t worry, I’m not a monster,” she retorted. “I just happen to know one that I’d protect with my life and I thought you might want to that you’re not the only one who knows how to use a gun.”

She pulled up the bottom of her black tank top and revealed the silver handle of a pistol tucked into her jeans.  

Damn. So she was protecting the werewolf then?

“Right, well maybe _you_ might want to know that I’m not here to hunt,” he insisted, attempting to defuse the situation.

“Then what are you doing here?”

As she watched him expectantly he knew that he had to make a choice. He could lie—make something up and hope she would buy into it—or he could tell her the truth. He could tell her what he was and maybe she would help him.

The second option sounded more promising at the moment, so he moved his hand away from his weapon and raised it to the scars on his cheek. “See these? I didn’t get them on a case.”

The girl narrowed her eyes, taking in the marks and slowly lowering her shirt back over her pistol. Realization seemed to dawn on her rather quickly and she asked, “You’re a werewolf?”

“I’m guessing whoever you’re protecting marked themselves up pretty good, too, huh?”      

“Yeah…he did. I mean, the scars are gone now, but…I’ll never forget them.” She shuddered slightly, her mind probably roaming back to when she first found her wolf with those long, bleeding gashes all over. “He’s my boyfriend. _Was_ my boyfriend, technically. He left about a year after it happened…decided he didn’t want to be locked up every month.”

The sadness in her eyes made Dean’s heart throb. He could Sammy there—see the pain he must’ve felt when he woke up to find his brother gone.

“So what, he just hunts cattle now?” he pressed, not wanting to think about that at the moment. He stepped back, silently gesturing for her to come in. She stepped into the room and moved towards the desk as he closed the door behind her.

“Yeah. Not sure how he manages to keep from going after humans, but he does it somehow. Wasn’t always like that…his first few months out of lock up were rough and he took a couple lives.” She sighed and sat in the office chair, looking up at Dean. “He doesn’t know I’m here, but I just…I couldn’t let him go off on his own. I was too worried about him. I followed him and kept an eye on him in case he ever needed me.”

Dean frowned at that and glanced towards Sam’s picture. He really hoped that his brother wouldn’t be crazy enough to do something like that. He was too young to be on his own.

“Who is that?” the girl asked, looking at the picture.

“He’s…he’s my brother,” Dean answered, deciding that was the easiest answer. He looked back at her now and sat on the edge of his bed. “So what’s your name?”

“Halen. You wanna tell me your real name or should I just call you Tom?”

He smiled at her answer. Halen was a pretty kickass name and he figured he’d probably name his daughter something like that if he was ever able to have one.

“How about we make a deal? I need some help—that’s why I’m here. If you agree to hear me out then I’ll tell you my real name.”

“It’s a deal. I know what you’re going through, so whatever I can do to help…I’ll do my best.”

“Alright then. My name is Dean and the reason I’m here in Caldwell is because I knew there was another werewolf in the area,” he started, meeting her gaze. “I was turned about a month ago and I wound up hurting someone I care about, so I left. Didn’t wanna put anyone in danger anymore and I decided that I needed to find another of my kind and find how to deal with this… _curse_ before I wound up killing somebody.”

“And you thought my boyfriend could help you learn to hunt cattle instead of humans?” Halen finished, eyes intently locked on Dean.

“Yeah. I thought if I found him that maybe he could teach me some things—that I could learn to live a safer lifestyle. Maybe go back to my brother someday.” Dean shrugged and choked back the urge to cry that just the mention of Sam brought up.

 She nodded slowly, taking in his story and leaning back in the chair. “Well…I can’t promise you that he’ll help, but I can at least tell you where he is. I can’t take you to him, because…I don’t know if he’d even want to see me, but…I can still try to help.”

Dean smiled softly at her and said, “He wants to see you, Halen. Trust me.”

“You mean like you want to see your brother? And what would you do if he showed up right now?”

He thought on that for a moment, knowing Halen was challenging his words. And she had a right to, because if Sam showed up…it would be the hardest thing in the world to do but Dean would send him away. He’d have to.

“That’s different…I’m not safe. He can’t be near me.”

“It doesn’t matter how far Jeremy has come from what he used to be,” Halen sighed, pushing out of the chair. “I can promise you he still thinks the exact same thing about me. I can’t go see him, but I’ll be here in the morning to send you his way, alright?”

“Yeah, alright…thanks.”

“No problem. Get some sleep—you look like you need it.”

With that she left the room and Dean stared after her, his mind swimming with more than thoughts than he knew how to process. He’d gotten incredibly lucky meeting Halen, but the talk they’d just had made everything seem more complicated than they had been when he’d first arrived.

She’d followed her boyfriend for months, maybe even years, and he didn’t even know she was there. She’d never given up on him. As he thought about that the only thing he could wonder was what Sam was up to at that moment and the worry he felt was sickening.

 

* * *

 

Morning took far too long to arrive and Dean didn’t get anywhere near the amount of sleep he needed. He’d be fine though after a cup or two of coffee and he was working on his first one pretty fast when Halen arrived.

She had a piece of paper in her hand with an address and directions scribbled down on it and she was chewing at her lip relentlessly.

“He’s a good guy,” she said as she handed over the information. “I don’t know how much he’ll be able to do for you, but I know he’ll do what he can.”

Dean took the paper and said goodbye to her before he got around to head over to Marsing. He put gloves on as he loaded his gun with silver bullets, just to be on the safe side, and tucked the directions into his pocket. He took his bag with him, too, never comfortable with leaving it behind.

Within ten minutes he was set to go and headed out to the lobby, hoping it would be as dead as it had been when he’d arrived. He didn’t feel like answering any questions about where he was going and he got the feeling that the lady who ran the hotel was kind of nosy.

Luckily when he got there he was alone except for one other person and as he saw Halen leaning against the wall by the entrance he couldn’t be too upset about seeing her. She wore a small, hesitant smile and had a black, leather purse thrown over her shoulder.

“So, I thought about it and…I’m going with you.”

“You sure? ‘Cause I’ll be alright on my own if it’s too much for you.”

“No, I’m sure. I’ve been hiding long enough. He needs to know I’m here.” She sounded as though she was reassuring herself more than Dean and she stood up a little straighter, like a soldier preparing to go on a mission.

“Well okay then. Let’s get goin’.” Dean beamed at her and headed out to the parking lot, glad when she followed behind him.  


	14. Searching

Halen fidgeted with the handles of her purse the whole drive to Marsing and chewed at her lip until Dean thought it might bleed. The poor girl was obviously terrified and he decided he should probably try to calm her down.

Switching on the stereo and letting one of his tapes play, he smiled over at her and asked, “You like AC/DC?”

She looked up at him, listening to the opening guitar of You Shook Me All Night Long, and nodded. “Who doesn’t?”

“My brother.” Dean turned it up a bit, bobbing his head to the music, and added, “Well, he used to like them…until I wore ‘em out.”

“You two are close, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…always have been, but I practically raised him, so…” God, he really didn’t want to talk about Sam, but at the same that was all he wanted to talk about ever again. “How much longer until we get there?”

“Soon…it’s just up this road.”

Dean nodded and cranked the stereo higher, hoping the blaring guitar would numb them both even if it was just temporarily.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Sam had gotten the documents he needed he made a stop at the hospital. He figured he owed it to Jess to let her know that he was leaving for a while and to wish her well. Besides, he had no idea when he’d be back and he’d miss her.

He had to be stealthy on his way to her room, considering visiting hours were well over by that point, and he was thankful when the place wasn’t swimming with people. He was nearly caught once or twice, but eventually he made it to Jess’s room and slipped quietly inside.

“Sam?” she muttered, glancing up at him from the book in her lap. Apparently she couldn’t sleep and Sam was relieved they hadn’t just sedated her. Leaving a note at her bedside would suffice, but this was better. “What’re you doing here so late?”

“I needed to see you,” he told her, moving to stand next to her bed. “I needed to say thank you…for keeping Dean’s secret…”

“It’s not like anyone would believe me anyway,” she replied simply. “And besides…I talked with Bobby and I know that Dean didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“And how’re you doing with, uh…the whole ‘werewolves are real’ thing?”

Her eyes dropped to her book for a moment, and then she glanced back up at him. “I’m dealing with it. Not much else I can do. I mean, I have a million questions to ask you, but…”

“I wish I could answer them tonight, but I can’t,” Sam sighed, brushing a hand through his hair. “Jess, Dean took off last night. I don’t know where he is.”

Jess gasped, her eyes growing wide, but only for a second. A moment later they narrowed considerably and she said, “You’re going after him. That’s why you’re here.”

Sam nodded and she just smiled at him knowingly.

“Better get goin’ then. There’s already too much space between you as it is.”

“I know. I just needed to check on you before I left…make sure you were dealing with everything okay.”  Sam looked her over, deciding she looked exhausted, but nowhere near as bad as he’d expected.

“I’m fine. Go get your brother. Hell, if I wasn’t too busted up to move I’d go with you,” she chuckled.

“Thanks, Jess. You get better and I’ll be back to see you as soon as I can.”

He leaned in and pecked her on the cheek before heading out, leaving her to read her book.

 

* * *

 

As Dean pulled up in front of the small, quaint rental house that Jeremy was staying in he was a bit surprised. It wasn’t quite what he would have expected, but then again he was rethinking his entire outlook on werewolves so he didn’t dwell on that too much.

“How long has he been staying here?” Dean wondered, examining the place. There was no car parked in the driveway, so he wasn’t sure if Jeremy was even home.

“A couple of months,” Halen muttered, staring out her window anxiously. “Don’t imagine he’ll stay much longer—won’t want people getting suspicious when the cattle disappear every month.”

“Think he’s home?”

“Not sure…should we just wait or…?”             

They both watched the house uncertainly, Dean not wanting to get out and go knock until he felt Halen was ready.

However, it became apparent that waiting wouldn’t be necessary when a moment later the door of the house swung open.

Dean heard Halen’s breath catch as the tall, wiry young man walked out onto the front porch. He stared at the car with a look of confusion and fear and Dean knew he was looking at the girl he hadn’t seen since he’d taken off, wondering how the hell she had wound up in front of his house.

He anxiously ran his hands through his thick, dark hair and started to make his way down the stairs, eyes still locked on Halen.

He didn’t stop until he reached the car, wrenching the passenger door open. Dean reached for his pistol, watching Jeremy like a hawk and waiting for him to make the wrong move, but it became apparent rather quickly that he had nothing to worry about.

Jeremy didn’t look mad as he kneeled at Halen’s side. There was a vast array of emotions shining in his eyes as they filled with tears, but anger was not one of them.

“Halen?” he muttered, reaching for her hand and squeezing it between both of his. “Halen, what’re you doing here?”

Halen was a mess. Dean wasn’t sure if she was even capable of answering at the moment, considering the way her shoulders were shaking with violent sobs. Apparently she didn’t think she could reply either, because instead she just threw herself onto Jeremy, knocking him off balance and basically tackling him onto his lawn.

Jeremy’s face lit up with a wide, crooked smile and he laughed at the girl who was clinging to him. “It’s good to see you, too.”

It took a moment, but eventually Halen collected herself and sat up, tears still streaming down her face as she smiled down at her boyfriend. Dean had gotten out of the car and walked around to the yard so that he could watch their reunion with a somewhat envious grin.

“You’re not mad that I’m here?” Halen whimpered, voice squeaking as she tried to gain control over her sobs.

“Not mad _at you_ , no…I mean, you really shouldn’t be here, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to see you,” he said quietly, sitting up as well and sliding his fingers through her hair. “I missed you every day.”

“God, I missed you, too,” she sighed, leaning into his touch.

“But how did you find me? This is a hell of a ways from home, Hale.”

“Uhm…don’t be mad at me, okay?”

Jeremy frowned, his gaze leery. “That depends. What’s going on?”

“I’ve…been following you since you left,” she muttered hesitantly, clutching at the front of his shirt.

Dean wasn’t sure how he was going to react, but if he’d had to guess it would be something like what happened next. He wasn’t exactly surprised when Jeremy got to his feet, jaw tensing and face drawn.

“You’ve been _following me_?”

“I’ve been keeping my distance, I just…I needed to know you were okay and—”

“God dammit, Halen! The road is no place for an eighteen-year-old girl to be running around on her own! Some of the places I’ve been, the things I’ve done…you coulda got yourself _killed_!”

She didn’t back down or burst into tears when he yelled at her. Halen simply took it, watching him with a patient gaze, and when he finished she continued, “I kept myself safe. Obviously. I’m here in one piece, aren’t I?”

“Why _are_ you here, Hale? And who is this guy?” They weren’t accusatory questions—Jeremy just didn’t understand. He was completely stunned by Halen walking back into his life without a single warning.

“My name’s Dean. I, uh…I’ve got the same _condition_ you’ve got and Halen thought you might be able to help me out.” Dean helped Halen up and stood at her side.

Jeremy glanced between them for a second, taking in Dean’s words, and sighed, “Dunno what you think I can do for you.”

“Well ya see, I’m pretty new to this whole ‘wolf’ thing and I…I had to leave home like you did, because I don’t know how to control it. Seems like you’ve got that bit figured out a bit better than I do and even if you could just give me some tips—”

“It’s not something I can just tell you,” Jeremy interrupted, the curiosity on his face giving way to blatant irritability. “I had to do things I can never forgive myself for to even begin to learn how to control it. And even then…the hunger is still too much and I still have to slaughter cows every month like some kind of wild animal.”

“So _show_ me. I know I’m asking a lot, but man, I’ve got someone I love like you love Halen and they need me. I need to get better—for them.”

Jeremy scoffed and shot Dean a cynical smirk. “Don’t you see, Dean? I left the girl I love. I left her so I wouldn’t have to hurt her and still managed to put her in danger without even knowing it.”

“So what’re you sayin’? That there’s no hope? That I can never be with the person I love?” Dean didn’t want to hear that. As much as he’d been telling himself that from the beginning, hearing it from someone else made it too real. He’d been clinging to some hope that he could fix this—that he could be with Sam someday, even just as his brother.

“What I’m saying is that you’ll never really be better. You’re always going to turn and you’re always going to lose control and there’s no guarantee that hunting won’t go bad. All you can do is stick to the country, make sure you’re close to a good hunting source, and keep the people you care for as far from you as possible.”

Jeremy looked at Halen with longing eyes, stepping back from her and closer to the house. “You gotta stop following me. You’ve gotta live your life and find someone who can make you happy. It can’t be me—it just can’t.”

Dean watched Halen and he could practically see her heart sink. Her eyes grew dark and her shoulders slumped, defeat present in every line of her body.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I thought maybe he’d want to help, but I was wrong. I’m really sorry.” She turned and went back to the car, getting inside and slamming the passenger door shut. Dean didn’t miss the slight shaking of her shoulders as her hair fell over her face, hiding the new wave of tears.

Dean tried not to think of Sam, but it was impossible. There was no way he could avoid the images of Sam crying in their room, feeling betrayed and hurt and alone.

He felt so horrible for Halen, but at the same time he understood Jeremy. He knew that this wasn’t easy for him—that seeing Halen break down had to be killing him. He understood that Jeremy thought he was doing what was best for her, no matter how much it hurt both of them.

“Don’t worry, man, I get it,” he sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets. “It was a long shot anyway.”

“I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but this is a struggle you have to figure out on your own. Trial and error. But I can give you one tip.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“You’re never going to be able to control the change or what you do when once you’ve transformed, but…when I feel myself about to lose it I get as close as I can to a farm or something like that. I make sure I’m closer to animals than people and so far it’s worked for me. It’s not much, but I hope it helps.”

Dean nodded, turning that idea over in his mind. “How do you do it? How do you keep it back long enough to get to a safe place?”

Jeremy smiled softly, glancing towards the car. “I think of her.”

 

* * *

 

Halen was silent the entire way back and Dean didn’t try to talk to her. He knew she needed to process everything that had happened. She had known Jeremy wouldn’t want her to stay, but Dean imagined she had still hoped that maybe seeing her would change his mind. And now she was faced with the knowledge that he knew her secret and wanted her to stop following him—wanted her to go on with her life.

He didn’t know what she would choose, but for her sake Dean hoped she would try to give Jeremy what he wanted. It would be good for her in the end and she was a good girl. She deserved to be happy.

 When they made it back to the hotel she finally spoke, leaning up against Dean’s door after she had closed it behind her.

“You think he’ll come around once he’s past the shock of everything?”

“I dunno…he, uh…seemed pretty set in his ways, Halen.” He knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but he couldn’t afford to sugarcoat things at the moment. “Maybe you should try living for you for a while. See how that goes.”

“I wouldn’t know what do with myself,” she sighed, crossing her arms. “It’s been about him for so long.”

“I know the feeling, but you’ll figure it out. I promise.”

She nodded slowly and stood up straight, shooting a weak smile at Dean. “Well…gonna go think on that for a while, I guess. See you later?”

“Yeah. See ya later.”

As she left Dean went to sit on his bed, his mind swimming with questions. Where did he go from there? Did he try to find another wolf? Maybe a pack?

Or did he stay in the country for a while and give Jeremy’s advice a try? The idea of hurting someone in the process terrified him, but he didn’t see how he’d learn if he didn’t take the risk.

Jesus, suicide was really starting to look like a good option. He’d never thought he’d be that person—that he’d be the type to just opt out—but wasn’t that better? For everyone? For the people he might hurt trying to save himself from an incurable curse?

He had silver bullets just waiting in the gun that was pressed into his hip. It would be quick—easy. Halen would find his body and maybe she’d track Sam down and let him know what happened. Maybe then Sam would grieve before moving on and finding a life that was better than anything Dean could ever give him.

 

* * *

 

Sam wasted as little time as possible on sleep. He gave himself five hours—just long enough to keep from getting delirious on the road—and when he was up he found a diner to get a quick breakfast while he did some research.

By the time it had reached eight in the morning he was on the road and heading to Idaho. There was potential werewolf activity in Marsing and he figured that was a good place to start. Of course he knew Dean wouldn’t stay in the town where everything was taking place, so he picked the most promising place nearby.

Within the next nine hours he would be driving into Caldwell, and then all he’d have to do was figure out where Dean was crashing. And if it turned out he had the wrong town, Sam would just move to the next one and skirt around Marsing until he found his brother.

 

* * *

 

After a drawn out and admittedly poor attempt at distracting himself with research, Dean had just decided to give over to the depression dragging him down. He had been lying on his bed with his Colt in his hand for the past two hours and he turned the gun over and over in his hands, studying it intently.

One pull of the trigger and he’d be gone. Just one second—one bullet—and he’d never put another soul in danger. He really should do it. It was right, after all. He was a monster and monsters were supposed to be put down.

The only thing holding him back was Sam. He didn’t know how to handle the idea of never seeing him again and of leaving him behind for real. This would be so permanent and he was pretty sure that if Heaven and Hell existed he and Sammy would be going to separate gates when they died. There would be no chance of a reunion in the afterlife.

But maybe that was for the best. Dean was just a poison to Sam—a disease that would wash out everything good and pure in the boy he loved so deeply. He’d take everything good from him and leave him with a life filled with pain and chaos. That wasn’t fair.

He had to do this. He should have let his father do it the day he had woken up a werewolf.

Dean reached over to the nightstand and flipped down Sam’s photo before he cocked his gun, hesitantly slipping the metal into his mouth. It felt heavy and cool against his tongue, so lethal and so final.

_Goodbye, Sammy_. It was the only last words he could think of and they weren’t nearly enough. Still, they were the only words that mattered.

 

* * *

 

Sam knocked at the hotel door nervously. He didn’t know how Dean would react to seeing him, but part of him didn’t really care. The only thing that mattered was that he was pretty sure his brother was behind that door and he wanted to see him so badly it hurt.

And his suspicions were only confirmed as he heard that all-too-familiar voice holler, “I don’t wanna talk, Halen, go away!”

Halen? Sam had no idea who that was, but he didn’t have time to ask. There was a heavy, broken sound to Dean’s voice and it sent a shiver of fear down Sam’s spine. He wasn’t okay. He was far, far from okay.

“Dean! Dean, let me in!” Sam called, gripping the handle until his knuckles turned white.

There was silence for a moment, and then he heard Dean call in disbelief, “Sam?”

“Yes, Dean, it’s me! Let me in, okay?”

There was more silence, but only for a moment. A second later Sam could hear Dean moving towards the door, and then it was swinging open to reveal his brother’s reddened, tear-streaked face.

Sam looked him over, eyes darting to the nickel-plated Colt in his brother’s hand, and it only took him a moment to figure out why Dean’s voice had sounded so wrecked. He’d been just a moment away from killing himself.


	15. Plans

“Jesus, Dean, let me in there!” Sam exclaimed, pushing past his brother and turning to stare at his back incredulously. Dean slowly turned around, meeting his gaze hesitantly and tapping the barrel of the gun against his leg.

“How’d you find me, Sammy?”

“Wasn’t hard. I know you, Dean…knew what you’d do.” Sam’s eyes roamed to the gun and he ached with the urge to take it and chuck it out the window. “Looks like I almost took too long though, huh?”

God, Sam didn’t know what to feel. He was furious with Dean for leaving and for almost checking out completely, but he was also just devastated that the person he loved was hurting and glad he’d gotten there in time to save him.

“Sam…” Dean frowned and glanced down at the gun. “You gotta know that I didn’t want to leave you...that I _don’t_ want to…but I—”

“But nothing, Dean. There’s nothing _wrong_ with you. You’re not a monster.”

“But I am. I talked to another werewolf, one that hunts cattle, and you know what he told me? He pretty much said that no matter what I do I’m going to kill someone—that I’ll never be able to control it, not really.” He moved past Sam and set his gun on the end of the bed, staring down at it.

“He hunts cattle? Sounds like he can control it alright. Maybe we could get you to that point.”

“Not without risking the lives of everyone around me. And then we’d have to move all the time, Sammy, and you’d never get the life I know you want.” Dean turned around and frowned at his brother, eyes glistening with tears. “That’s no way to live. For either of us.”

“Well I don’t know about you, but as long as we’re together that’s good enough for me,” Sam muttered, his heart sinking. “Everything else…I can deal with it. I just want to be with you.”

“You think that now, ‘cause you’re young, but you’re gonna grow up, Sam and you’re gonna realize there’s so much more for you than what I can provide.” Sitting in the office chair, Dean ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. “You’ll graduate from high school and get a scholarship to some awesome college and you’ll realize that I’m not worth giving all that up.”

Sam had to take a moment to collect himself before replying. He didn’t want to scream at Dean and that’s what he’d do if he didn’t take a deep breath. Yes, Sam was young, but he’d never really been a kid—not since before he turned ten.

“I’m not just some naïve adolescent, Dean.  I know what I’m giving up and it’s worth it. _You’re_ worth it—even if you don’t think so.”

Dean was worth everything. Without him Sam was nothing and he wouldn’t just let him go—not when he had a whole, promising life ahead of him.

He crossed the room and kneeled in front of Dean, reaching up to press his hand to the side of his brother’s face. He took a moment to just enjoy being in front of him, to feel him, and thank god that he’d been able to track him down, then said softly, “I can’t do this without you, Dean. Life. Any of it. I need you.”

Dean leaned into his touch, closing his eyes momentarily. “Sammy…you’re too good for me.”

“Nah…neither of us are perfect. We’re just…perfect for each other.”

Dean opened his eyes and smiled weakly. “Dunno why I thought I could leave you. Was pretty stupid of me.”

“Mhmm…can’t believe you actually thought I wouldn’t come after you,” Sam chuckled.

“I kinda thought you might, but I didn’t think you’d find me so fast. Guess me and Dad taught you well, huh?”

“Yeah, you did. Remember that the next time you get the urge to disappear on me.” Sam’s smile faded and he pulled Dean’s head to him, kissing him hard for just a moment before he murmured, “Scared the hell outta me, Dean.”

Dean frowned apologetically and pulled Sam up onto his lap, adjusting so that his little brother was comfortably straddling his thighs.

“M’sorry, baby boy. Just thought I was doin’ what’s best for you.”

“Just…don’t ever do that to me again. You don’t get to leave me for me. If you wanna go for you, then by all means tell me goodbye and go, but don’t make my choices for me.” He fixed Dean with a stern gaze, letting him know just how completely _not_ okay bailing out on him like that was.

“M’sorry,” Dean muttered again, tightening his grip on Sam. “Won’t happen again. I promise.”

“Good. ‘Cause it was only a couple days, but I missed you so damn much,” Sam laughed softly, pressing his forehead to Dean’s and kissing him softly.

“Missed you, too, Sammy. Every second.”

Dean pressed his lips to Sam’s, lightly at first and then with increasing fervor as Sam kissed him back and wrapped his arms tightly around Dean’s neck.

Sam was a little stunned by just how accustomed he’d grown to being close to Dean like this. They’d only been apart for a short time, but it felt like it had been ages.

And now they were completely alone, miles and miles from John or Bobby or anyone else who might come bursting in to ruin the moment. It was just the two of them, as close as they could manage while awkwardly smooshed into the computer chair, and the relief Sam felt was almost breathtaking.

Eventually Sam’s legs started to cramp from the lack of space and he pulled back, panting as he suggested, “Think we should move to the bed.”

“I’ll bet you do,” Dean teased, surprising Sam as he moved to his feet in one smooth motion, gripping his little brother’s thighs and holding him in place. He walked them across the short space to the bed and laid Sam down before picking up his gun and moving it to the desk. Once the weapon was in a safe place he moved back over his brother, placing slow and teasing kisses to his neck.

“We shouldn’t go back,” Sam said quietly as Dean settled in on top of him, propping himself up on his elbows. “We should just keep going from here.”

“I like that idea,” Dean sighed against his brother’s throat, nuzzling his nose against the curve of his jaw. “Just you and me…just like this, every night.”

“Mmm…” Sam hummed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Dean and brushing his hand through his hair. “I could get used to that really quick.”

“Me, too, Sammy…ya know, we really could do it. Not sayin’ Dad won’t come after us, but…we could try.” Dean propped himself up further, looking down at Sam with eyes that said he was completely serious. “I mean, what else are we gonna do? I can’t go back. Not right now.”

Sam’s heart gave an almost painful squeeze at his brother’s words and his hand tightened in Dean’s hair. “You’d really be okay with that? You’d want me to go with you?”

He knew Dean would be in constant fear of harming him and that things wouldn’t be easy but it sounded like the best idea in the world to him anyway. Maybe he was just young and naïve like his brother had said, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Dean was all that had ever really mattered to him and as long as they were together they’d be alright.

“That’s all I want,” Dean assured him, brushing their lips together lightly. “Sure, I’ve got my concerns, but you’ve pretty much proved that I’m not gettin’ rid of you.”

Sam chuckled and shook his head. “Never.”

 

* * *

 

They fell asleep wrapped around each other as closely as they could manage. When they woke they were still a tangle of limbs, Sam’s head now on Dean’s chest and Dean’s arms holding onto him as if something were going to try taking him in the night.

“What’re we doin’ today?” Sam asked sleepily.

Dean shrugged, tracing his fingers up and down Sam’s back as he thought about his answer. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do next, but he had ideas. “Well…since my whole plan here went to hell...guess the best thing to do next is see if we can find someone who can really help. And in the meantime try to put to use the only shred of advice I could get outta Jeremy.”

“So we’re hunting?”

“More or less.”

Sam sat up and smiled down at Dean. “Can we do breakfast first? I’m starving.”

“Sure thing, Sammy,” Dean chuckled, sitting up as well and ruffling his brother’s hair. “Whatever you want. Besides, there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Halen?”

At first Dean was confused when Sam knew who he was talking about, but then he remembered what he had shouted at him when he’d knocked on the door and it made sense. He nodded, getting out of bed and rummaging through his bag for a clean shirt. He wasn’t so sure he had one left.

“Yeah. She’s the ex of the werewolf I talked to and she helped me find him,” Dean explained, picking up a grey t-shirt and giving it sniff. It still smelled slightly like Bobby’s laundry detergent so he decided it must be clean enough to wear. “She knows you’re my brother, ‘cause of the picture on the nightstand, so we’ll have to keep stuff platonic while we’re with her.”

He could practically hear Sam frown thanks to the little sigh he made and Dean just smiled. He changed his shirt quickly and turned around to meet his disappointed gaze.

“Why couldn’t you tell her I’m your boyfriend?”

“Didn’t think it’d be an issue, I guess…kinda wishing I’d planned for you showing up though, ‘cause I miss kissin’ you already.”

“Well we’re not with her yet,” Sam reminded him with a smirk.

Dean grinned, unable to resist that invitation, especially with the way Sam was leering at him. He crossed the room and leaned down to press their lips together, taking Sam’s face in his hands.

“Love you so much,” he whispered against his brother’s mouth.

“Love you more.” Sam smiled and kissed him some more, but as his stomach growled obnoxiously he pulled back. “Okay…breakfast. Now.”

 

* * *

 

Halen nibbled at her breakfast, not really tasting the muffin she was working on at the moment. She was too busy struggling with the idea of going to see Jeremy again to really focus on food. She was willing to let him go if that’s what he wanted from her, but she couldn’t let things end how they had. She at least needed a chance to say goodbye.

It wasn’t going to be easy. She’d dedicated so much of her life to him—loved him so unconditionally—and she didn’t know how to live for herself anymore. Dean seemed to think she could do it though and it was nice having at least one person believer in her.

Speaking of Dean, as Halen glanced up from the table she saw him walking into the dining room with a younger boy at his side. It didn’t take more than a second for to recognize the teenager as Dean’s little brother and her heart gave a little squeeze. So he _had_ come after Dean, huh?

“Hey,” Dean greeted with a broad grin. He threw an arm around his brother, pulling him to his side, and introduced him. “This is Sam. Dude tracked me down all by himself and showed up at my room last night.”

He was glowing with pride at Sam’s skills and it made Halen smile. She’d known from the way Dean talked that they were close, but seeing it…she could swear there was an invisible chord connecting them and drawing them together. They looked like they never wanted to be more than a foot apart again.

“Hey, there, Sam. I’m Halen,” she greeted. “Glad you found him. I know he missed you.”

“Yeah, I missed him, too,” Sam chuckled. “It’s nice to meet you. I really appreciate you helping Dean out.”

Sam reached across the table and shook her hand, his grip surprisingly strong and sure.

“It was no problem. He kinda helped me, too, so…” She smiled softly and glanced back down at her plate. “Dean, I think I’m gonna go say goodbye to Jeremy today. Make it official.”

When she met his gaze he was frowning, sympathy in his eyes, and she thought she saw him squeeze Sam just a little tighter to his side. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it’s gonna be for ya. Want me to go with you?”

“No…this is something I need to do on my own. But maybe you could be waiting with comfort food and a good movie when I get back?” Halen laughed and knew by the way Dean looked at her that he would really do that if she wanted him to.

“Sure thing. Some ice cream and a couple of comedies— _not_ the romantic kind—and we’ll have you patched up in no time.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” She didn’t know how much good it would do, but it was surely a better option than crying alone in her room all night. Besides, she was anxious to get to know the brother that Dean spoke so fondly of.

 

* * *

 

A front door had never seemed quite so daunting before and Halen wasn’t sure she could bring herself to knock. She could probably still make it back to the car and take off before Jeremy even knew she was there, but then she would just hate herself for it later.

And so she somehow managed to force herself into knocking, feeling a bit nauseous thanks to the pit in her stomach as she did so. She didn’t know if he’d even be willing to talk to her, but she didn’t see what harm a goodbye could do. He owed her that much, didn’t he?

But as a minute passed and she didn’t hear a single noise from inside she felt her heart sink. Was he not home?

She knocked again, a little louder that time, and waited for another couple of minutes but when there was still no sign of Jeremy she decided he must be out somewhere.

Sighing, she turned and headed down the steps, glancing up to find another car stopping out on the street in front of Jeremy’s house.

The driver was an older brunette woman and she rolled down her passenger window to holler, “You looking for Jeremy?”

“Yeah, I am, do you know where he is?” Halen called back, heading down the walkway to the woman’s car.

“Took off this morning. I’m his neighbor, Sherry. He was throwing some bags in his car when I went to get my coffee earlier and said there was some family emergency and he had to leave. Don’t know if he’s coming back or not.”

“Oh…” Halen frowned, stomach lurching as she realized what was going on. “Okay, well thanks.”

“Yep. Sorry, darlin’.”

With that Sherry drove off down the street and Halen tried to keep herself from falling to the pavement in tears.

He was gone. Jeremy had left, taking off as soon as morning had come and leaving her behind, and as much as every fiber of her being wanted to follow him she wasn’t going to do that. She was going to respect his wishes and let him go, even if it was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

The only thing she could do now was go back to the hotel and hope Dean was going to come through on her little pity party, because the last thing she wanted at the moment was to be alone.

 

* * *

 

Sam and Dean had pretty much spent the entire two hours after breakfast just wrapped around each other in a tangled mess of kisses and roaming hands. The only noises in the room were their muffled grunts and heavy breath as they tried to move even closer, although that was pretty much impossible at that point.

Dean was so hard he was pretty sure he could cut diamonds, but he didn’t make a move to do anything about it. He didn’t want this to be over. He just wanted to kiss Sam all day until he couldn’t move his mouth anymore.

Sam seemed to have the same state of mind, because aside from the occasional roll of his hips, he didn’t do more than grasp Dean’s hair and trail his fingers up Dean’s back.

They were teetering on the brink of that urgent, need-you-now kind of make out session that they used to have out in the salvage yard, but neither of them crossed over that line. They didn’t grind their hips together or dig their nails into each other’s skin or beg for more. They just caressed every line and curve and kissed endlessly, taking turns devouring one another’s necks when someone needed a chance to breathe for a while.

They were nearly at their breaking point when the knock at the door interrupted their passionate stupors. They pulled apart with nearly identical groans of disappointment and Dean laid his head back against the pillow, shaking his head.

“That’s gotta be Halen,” he sighed.

“Should probably answer it. Doubt she’s doing so good right now.” Sam smiled over at him from the other pillow and added, “Might wanna tame your hair a bit first though. Wouldn’t want her to know you’ve been mauling your little brother since she left.”

“Speak for yourself. Go look in the mirror.” Dean grinned and got out of bed, stopping at the mirror above the desk to quickly fix himself. Luckily he had the kind of hair that was easy to work back into place in a few seconds. However, the rock hard bulge in his jeans and the flush to his lips and cheeks were a little harder to get rid of.

He heard Sam disappear into the bathroom for the moment as he tried to focus on something that wasn’t his brother’s soft, sweet mouth and gentle hands.

When he finally answered the door he had at least managed the arousal issue and lied, “Sorry, was takin’ a nap. C’mon in.”

“That’s alright…he, uh…he wasn’t there. His neighbor said he took his bags and left this morning.”

Poor girl. Dean had wondered if that might happen, but he’d hoped that she’d at least get to say her goodbye.

“M’sorry, sweetheart,” he sighed, pulling her into a hug. “But hey, I’ve got mint chocolate chip in the freezer and The Blues Brothers is gonna be on in half an hour.”

When he pulled back she was smiling weakly at him and said, “I love The Blues Brothers.”

“Yeah, I kinda took you for that kind of chick,” he chuckled. “C’mon. Let’s get you a good ice cream overdose.”

He sat her down at the edge of the bed and got out the mint chocolate chip, deciding that the rest of their obstacles could wait until tomorrow. For now he was just going to help a good friend start mending her broken heart.


	16. We Can Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Work and writer's block are just not a good combo. Hope the chapter is okay, even though it's a bit shorter than my usual, I think.

“Findin’ anything, Sammy?” Dean asked as they sat across the desk from each other. They’d been researching all afternoon after Halen went back to her room and so far they hadn’t stumbled across any promising werewolf activity. It was looking like it would have to be put off until the next day, because they were running out of time with evening inching closer and the full moon that night.

“Nothin’,” Sam sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Plenty of other supernatural stuff, but not what we’re looking for.”

“Same over here…maybe we should just hit the road, see what we run into. Check out some farmlands and hope we come across something.”

He didn’t know what else to do. The hardest part of the whole thing was that Dean didn’t want to run into the wrong kind of wolves. He was pretty sure he could find a pack easily, but he didn’t want Sam around a rogue group of werewolves. Honestly, he didn’t want to be around them himself. He may have been turned, but he was still a hunter and he’d still put down anything that deserved it.

“I’m okay with a road trip,” Sam agreed, smiling at his brother. “Look, Dean…even if we don’t find anyone who can help…we can work on this together. I know it’s scary, but we’re smart. We’ll figure it out.”

Dean nodded and shut his laptop, sighing heavily. “I know we will. M’just scared of what will happen in the meantime.”

“I know…” Sam shut his computer as well and studied Dean for a moment, wheels obviously turning in his head. “I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but what if Jeremy’s advice is the only kind we’re going to get? What if that’s all you can do? I mean, this isn’t something we can just turn off, Dean. I wish it was—more than anything—but…”

“But what if it’s not, Sam? This world’s full of some crazy shit. Hell, what if we stumble across a cure?”

“You know I’ll never stop looking, Dean, but I just don’t want you to give up if we can’t find anything.”

Dean could see the concern in Sam’s eyes and he knew his brother was just looking out for him. Still, the idea of being stuck like this forever—of never being able to control it beyond strategically placing himself away from people—was horrifying.  There was a whole world of messed up paranormal things out there and he refused to believe that there was nothing or no one that could help him.

“I’m gonna keep working on it…I’m gonna take Jeremy’s advice and I’ll try my best,” he promised. “But I’m also going to scour the whole damn planet for something to save my ass.”

“So am I,” Sam assured him, getting up from his chair and walking over to his brother. He spun Dean’s chair so that they were facing each other and stepped between his legs, smiling down at him. “Why don’t we take a break for a while?”

“What else do you have in mind?” Dean asked, grabbing Sam’s hips and urging him a little closer.

“I’ve got a few ideas of how we can pass time.”

“Yeah? Like what?” Dean gently dug his thumbs into Sam’s hips, his tongue sliding across his lips eagerly.

Sam smirked and sunk to his knees in front of the chair, slowly working at the button on Dean’s jeans. He heard his brother’s breath catch and glanced up at him to see his eyes narrowing lustfully.

“Missed you so much, baby boy…”

Sam just grinned and pulled Dean’s zipper down before pushing up his shirt and revealing his smooth stomach. He leaned in, brushing his lips over the bare skin of Dean’s navel and savoring the little moan that left him at the contact.

“Want you so bad, Dean,” Sam murmured against Dean’s stomach, feeling the way his brother shivered as his hot breath fanned over him. “When you left and I didn’t know if I’d find you…thought about all the things I might never get to do with you…”

“Fuck…like what, Sammy?” Dean urged, watching his brother with dark, hungry eyes.

Sam’s mouth slid lower, trailing kisses to the edge of Dean’s jeans before he gripped the denim and began sliding it down his brother’s hips and thighs. Once his pants were discarded, his arousal straining against the cloth of his boxers, Sam pressed light and teasing kisses to the inside of his thigh and felt some of his confidence weaning. Still, he kept going and whispered shyly, “Well, I…wanna taste you… _here_.”

He swallowed nervously and lightly brushed his fingers over Dean’s ass, eyes roaming to meet his brother’s uncertainly. He figured Dean would be into the idea, but Sam wasn’t used to this—to telling him all the things he thought about when he was alone.

But the look on Dean’s face made it worth it. His eyes widened and he let out a soft groan, cock twitching in his underwear as he gazed at Sam.

“God, Sam…,” he breathed, carding a hand through his little brother’s hair. “Want that, too. Wanna do it _to_ you. Hell, I wanna do everything to you.”

“Can we try that?” Sam asked softly, resting the side of his face against Dean’s thigh for a moment.

He could see the confusion flashing in Dean’s eyes as he considered it the idea, probably warring with his own personal desire and his morals. He sighed, pulling his brother up to him and kissing him deeply for a long moment before leaning back and saying hesitantly, “Sure, but…let me do it to you first, okay? I’d feel better about it if I was takin’ care of you.”

“Okay,” Sam agreed eagerly, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“I fuckin’ love you.” Dean chuckled, shaking his head and demanding playfully, “Go get your ass on the bed.”

 Sam didn’t hesitate to obey, heading directly to the bed and climbing onto it. Dean followed, slipping out of his boxers and t-shirt on the way. He didn’t miss the way his brother halted in the center of the mattress, half laying back as he took in the sight of Dean naked and fully hard.

Dean was stopped in his tracks as well by that stare—the bright-eyed look of awe as Sam’s eyes roamed over him. He’d always been fairly confident in his looks, but any insecurities he might have fell away under that gaze. Sam’s face said simply that he found Dean to be the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

Dean smiled lovingly at his brother before joining him on the mattress, leaning over him and capturing his mouth with his own. He was trying so hard to take things slow with him—to ease him into the intimacy that Dean was already used to—but Sam was so eager and surprisingly bold. But at the very least they both seemed to agree that it shouldn’t go further than this; it shouldn’t go all the way yet.

Which was why Dean didn’t feel bad as he slowly stripped Sam down and kissed down the length of his body. He trusted that Sammy knew his limits and all he wanted to do was make him feel good.

Dean was a bit nervous though as he spread Sam’s legs apart. He’d never done this before and although he imagined it couldn’t be too different than going down on a girl he was still afraid he might not do it right. But he didn’t let his nerves show, feigning confidence as he made the first sweep of his tongue over Sam’s hole.

The sound that his brother made at the contact was enough to wash away his nerves though. The little whimper of excitement and shock only made Dean want to keep going, lapping at Sam with more enthusiasm and gripping his hips. He experimented with his strokes, flattening his tongue and then stiffening it, dipping it into Sam as he passed over his hole and sucking gently. He tried all kinds of techniques, listening and watching his brother to see what really made him squirm.

And he was squirming, alright. Bucking his hips up, urging Dean on, and tangling his finger’s in his big brother’s hair. God, Dean was pretty sure he could do this all day just to see how crazy Sam went for it and to hear all the beautiful, desperate noises he made.

“Oh my god _, Dean_ ,” he groaned, tightening his grip on Dean’s hair. “Feels amazing…”

Dean smirked, stopping just long enough to murmur, “Yeah? Like my tongue in your ass, baby boy?”

Sam moaned loudly in reply as Dean started back up, throwing his head back against the pillow.

“Look at you, goin’ crazy for it,” his brother teased, running the pad of his thumb over Sam as he talked. “Bet I can make you come just like this. Just from lickin’ you.”

Sam just looked down at him with wide, hungry eyes that said he was pretty sure Dean was right and he was more than happy to let him try.

Dean went back to it with twice the fervor, determined to come through on that idea now. The thought of making Sammy come with his cock untouched was pretty much intoxicating.

It became obvious only a minute or two later that Dean was going to be successful, Sam’s stomach quivering and his moans growing louder as he gripped Dean’s shoulder’s. He was so close, Dean knew it, and a moment later he was coming hard all over his chest and stomach as he cried out Dean’s name.

He was panting like he’d just ran a marathon as he propped himself up on his elbows and grinned down at his older brother. “Jesus, Dean, you’re amazing at that.”

“Glad you enjoyed yourself, baby boy,” Dean replied with a soft smile, taking in the sight of Sam’s ruffled hair and pink cheeks. He was so beautiful, especially with his torso covered in his own come, which Dean moved to clean up.

He slowly licked up Sam’s stomach and chest, groaning at the taste of him, and muttered against his skin, “Love makin’ you feel good. Love takin’ care of you.”

“Gonna let me return the favor?” Sam asked, smiling down at Dean with mischievous eyes.

“I would _love_ for you to do that, but only if you’re totally comfortable with it, okay?” Dean sat up and looked down at his brother, watching for any signs of hesitation.

Of course there were none—only Sam’s confident, loving smile as he said, “I’m always comfortable with you.”

 

* * *

 

They would have spent the rest of the night in bed together, but as much as Dean hated the thought of it, it was time to test Jeremy’s advice. He’d been incredibly calm over the few days since his outburst, mostly thanks to Sam and Halen, but as night fell and the moon rose higher into the sky he could feel the calm starting to slip away.

Sam wanted more than anything to go with him, but they both knew it wasn’t possible. If Sam was around it could sabotage the whole plan and they could wind up with a tragedy on their hands that Dean could never live with.

And so Sam kissed Dean for as long as he could before he really had to go and then walked him out to the car with Halen.

“You’re gonna be alright,” Sam assured him, squeezing his arm comfortingly. “Call me when you get back to the car, okay?”

“I will, Sammy…see you tomorrow.”

Dean was terrified as he climbed into the Impala and started it up. He had no idea where he’d be when the night was over, but he could only hope that Jeremy’s advice paid off. After all it was his only option other than going back to Bobby’s and hiding out, tearing himself to shreds every month and pretending that he and Sam weren’t together unless they were alone. He had to try.

So he drove out to the country and left the Impala parked somewhere safe, walking out into the fields as he felt the overwhelming darkness wash over him.

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t sleep at all that night. He did, however, accept Halen’s company when she offered it and the two of them stayed up until dawn watching movies. Sam couldn’t really pay much attention to them, not when his mind was racing with thoughts of Dean and what he may or may not be doing, but it was better than sitting in his room with nothing to do but think.

If this went wrong he didn’t know what would happen, but it wouldn’t be good. Dean would be a wreck and although Sam would do his best to help piece his brother back together, he didn’t know if he’d be able to.

Halen seemed to notice how anxious Sam was, because she tried her best to draw his attention away from his negative thoughts, asking, “So, Sam…do you think there might be a cure out there somewhere?”

He glanced over at her and shrugged, not sure what to say. “I guess it’s possible. ‘Course growing up in a family of hunters I kinda learned that just about anything is possible.”

“I’ve researched it…can’t find anything that makes sense though. Just a bunch weird religious solutions. I think my personal favorite was that you can just scold a werewolf and it’ll get better.”

“Yeah, that one made me laugh pretty hard,” Sam sighed, absent-mindedly watching the shapes and colors on the screen without actually seeing them. “If I tried to make Dean try half of those solutions he’d probably get so annoyed he’d wolf out on accident.”

“We could keep looking…I mean, the internet obviously isn’t doing us any good, but maybe some clans know something.” Halen twirled the remote in her hands, watching it intently and shrugging.

“Couldn’t hurt to look…Dean and I are going to be hunting down packs anyway. Maybe you could go with us—try to help Jeremy.” Sam didn’t necessarily like the idea of someone going with them, not when it meant having to keep things platonic as long as she was around, but Halen was smart and strong and a good person. He wouldn’t deny her this chance if she wanted it and he was pretty sure Dean would feel the same way.

She looked up at him now, a small smile forming on her lips. “I’d like that. Might help with my whole ‘purpose of life’ crisis, huh?”

“Yeah. Man, look at us. We’d do anything for those two,” Sam chuckled sadly. He hated that these things even had to be done—just wanted his brother to be happy—but he’d do what he had to for the rest of his life to at least make life bearable for him.

“Maybe that’s what it takes…for a werewolf to survive without becoming a monster,” Halen mused. “Really bitchin’ sidekicks.”

Sam smiled, hoping that could be true—that the only thing it would take to save Dean was his love and loyalty. After all, that was all Sam really had to give…at least for now.

 

* * *

 

Dean groaned low in his throat as the light of the early morning sun hit his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hands twining in the grass beneath him as he rolled onto his stomach and tried to work past the haze hanging over him.

He didn’t remember how he’d gotten where he was, but he didn’t need to. He remembered leaving the Impala and surrendering to the full moon and that was enough. It was enough to make him terrified to open his eyes for fear of what he might find.

The slight summer breeze was a good hint that his clothes were somewhat shredded, wind hitting him in spots where it shouldn’t like his thigh and his side just below his armpit. And his hands felt sticky and dirty in a way that made him sick to his stomach.

“C’mon, Dean,” he muttered to himself, forehead pressed against the grass. “Gotta face it sometime. Sammy’s gonna be worryin’ about you.”

He sighed and pushed himself up into a sitting position, eyes still shut as he tried to work up the courage to look at himself. It took a moment, but eventually he sucked it up and opened his eyes, the breath practically leaving his body at what he saw.

“What…the _fuck_ …” He felt panic rising inside of him as he stared down at his bloody arms and hands. Even his clothes were spattered with the substance and ripped beyond repair.

“Shit…shit, shit, shit…” Glancing around the field he had passed out in, he jumped to his feet and tried to find whatever it was he had torn apart. There was nothing though—just grass and corn fields and a couple of distant houses. Whatever—or _whoever_ —he’d killed was left at the scene of the crime and Dean didn’t have the slightest clue where to look.


	17. Safe For Now

The first thing Dean did was find the Impala. He had a stash of clean clothes and some water  to help clean himself up, and then he could go for a little drive and see if he could figure out how much damage he’d done.

However, there was something else he had to do first as soon as he was all fixed up. He grabbed his phone from the glove compartment and hit two on his speed dial, knowing Sam had probably been up all night waiting to hear from him.

“Dean, you okay?” Sam asked as soon as he answered, his voice a mix of relief and fear.

“Uh, yeah…I think so,” Dean sighed, glancing at the bloody heap of clothes in the backseat. “I have to check something out before I come back, but I’ll be there soon, alright?”

“Okay. I love you.” The relief was stronger in his brother’s voice now and Dean could hear the small smile that was surely forming on his lips.

“Love you, too, Sammy. See you in a bit.” Dean smiled, too, unable to help himself as he hung up and thought about going back to Sam.

But first he needed to find out just how much damage he had done and that task had him trembling as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed out.

He cruised around the general area, searching for cop cars or anything else that might hint at an attack. He’d ripped something apart, that much he knew, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it was. If it was a person…well, he honestly had no damn clue how he was going to handle that.

However, after running across a farm not too far from where he’d woken up he discovered with great relief that he didn’t have anything to worry about. He still felt sick to his stomach as he saw the two cows that were lying in a bloody mess next to the barn, but at least it wasn’t the people who lived there that he’d killed.

“Thank god,” he sighed, trying to remind himself how much worse it could have been so that he didn’t feel quite so much like a monster.

For now the plan had worked and now he could go back to Sam without the guilt of murder weighing him down.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Sam heard the sliding of the key card in the door he was flying off the bed and hurrying towards the door. As it opened and Dean walked inside he leapt at his brother, hugging him tightly.

“Whoa!” Dean chuckled, wrapping his arms around Sam. “Good to see you, too.”

“M’just so glad you’re okay,” Sam breathed, burying his face in Dean’s neck.

 “Yeah, there’s a couple cows that aren’t in such good shape, but that’s the worst of it.”

It took Sam a moment to remember that Halen was in the room and probably watching the affectionate way that he was clinging to his brother. He somehow managed to pull himself away, smiling softly at Dean and saying, “Halen hung out and kept me from going insane.”

Dean’s eyes roamed to the girl who was lounging in the computer chair and grinning at him. “Thanks, Halen.”

“No problem. Your brother is a pretty cool kid.”

“Yeah, I know he is.” Dean winked at Sam and pulled him back into another hug before making his way further into the room. “I gotta get a shower…got most of the blood off, but I’m pretty sure it’s still in my hair.”

Sam didn’t miss the way his brother cringed at that, but a moment later he was smiling like it was no big deal as he headed into the bathroom.

“Is it weird that Dean washing blood out of his hair is just kind of a normal thing in our family?” Sam sighed, sitting on the bed and looking over at Halen.

“Hunters,” she replied simply, that single word summing up everything that needed to be said.

“Yeah…hunters.” Sam laid back and found himself wishing for the times when that’s all they were.

 

* * *

 

“Think we oughta call Bobby?” Sam wondered as he lay next to Dean later on. They were curled together watching television after Sam had insisted that they needed to just take it easy that day. He was probably just stalling, enjoying the chance for them to be together and not worry about anything, but he really did want Dean to rest. He knew the transformation took a lot out of him.

“Probably…just to let him know we’re alive. I wonder if he’s called Dad yet…”

“Who knows? If he did I’m sure Dad’s out looking for us.” Sam frowned at that. Their father was a damn good hunter and if he really wanted to find the boys then he would.

“Yeah, well…no way in hell am I gonna let him take you from me,” Dean insisted, pulling Sam a little closer.

Sam smiled and placed a quick kiss to Dean’s neck before sitting up and grabbing his phone off the nightstand.

He dialed Bobby’s number and waited patiently as it rang.

“Singer Auto Salvage, this is Bobby. What can I do for ya?” Bobby’s voice was full of restrained hope as he answered.

“Hey, Bobby, it’s Sam.”

“Sam! Jesus, kid, it’s about damn time one of ya picked up a phone!”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that…things have been kind of…crazy,” Sam sighed, glancing over at Dean. “But I found Dean and we’re both okay. The full moon last night went alright.”

“Well that’s good to hear. Was wonderin’ how he was gonna handle it without the bunker.”

“He did good—no one got hurt. Have you talked to Dad?”

“Uh…not yet, no,” Bobby admitted, sounding a bit guilty. “Probably shoulda called him, but I figured it wasn’t gonna do a whole lotta good anyway. Couldn’t keep you boys apart even if we dropped on of you in Hell.”

Sam smiled at that and reached over to grab Dean’s hand. “No, you probably couldn’t. Look, Bobby…we’re not coming back yet. We’re onto some stuff and things are going good. We’re gonna be on the road for a bit.”

“I ain’t gonna be the one to tell you that you can’t. I don’t like it, you boys bein’ out there on your own, but your smart.”

“Thanks. And hey, we’ll understand if you have to call Dad.”

“Yeah, well…I’ll have to eventually, but I don’t see why he’s gotta know right this second,” Bobby muttered, the faint sound of a smile in his voice.

“You’re the best, Bobby. Hey, uh…how’s Jess doin’?” Sam had almost forgotten to ask about her, considering how wrapped up he was in everything else.

“She’s doin’ good. Went home and is on bed rest for now. Might wanna give her a call, too, ‘cause I know she’s worried sick about both of ya.”

“Will do. Thanks for everything.”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep each other safe, alright?”

“Always. Call you later.” Sam hung up and chuckled to himself as he set his phone down.

“What’s so funny?” Dean asked, smiling at him curiously.

“He’s not calling Dad…not yet at least,” Sam informed him. “He’s being… _really_ good about this.”

“That’s why he’s the cool dad.” Dean grinned and pulled Sam back into his arms. “So we’re safe for now, huh?”

“Yeah. For now.”

“Good enough for me.” Leaning down, Dean kissed Sam softly and pushed him back into the pillows. “Nothin’s gonna take you from me, Sammy. I promise. Not Dad or this stupid curse.”

“I know. I wouldn’t let ‘em.”

Dean laughed and kissed Sam with more enthusiasm. “That’s my boy.”

 

* * *

 

The next day they knew they couldn’t put off leaving any longer. As much as they just wanted to hunker down and spend all of their time wrapped around each other in bed that just wasn’t going to work. So, they packed up their things and picked a destination to hit next, which was some farmland in Oregon. It was fairly close and Dean couldn’t help wondering if Jeremy might’ve headed out that way.

He was all for letting Jeremy do his own thing, but he definitely thought that Halen deserved a proper goodbye and some kind of closure. He didn’t know if he’d be able to give her that, but if they happened to run into the guy on the road then so be it.

It was strange having her in the car to start with considering neither of the boys were used to traveling with a girl, especially one that wasn’t a hunter. She was pretty chill though—chatted with them and didn’t complain about Dean’s music. In fact she sang quietly along to most of it.

The hardest part of having her along for the ride was not being able to touch Sam. The space between them was small, but it seemed much too far when Dean couldn’t even reach out and take his hand.

Still, just having him there was better than traveling on his own. Being able to look over and see his smiling face and know he was safe…that was more than enough until they reached the next motel.

And Sammy did smile quite a bit while they were on the road, singing along to the music with Halen and insisting that they all play ridiculous car games. He and Halen got pretty competitive and even after Dean bowed out they kept on with it, shouting ad laughing. It was probably the closest thing to normal that Dean had experienced since he’d changed.

They drove for about six hours before they finally picked a motel to check into. There seemed to be a silent agreement that Halen would have her own room next to theirs and Dean wasn’t too worried about it. He knew she could handle herself—she’d done so for a while now.

However, as they unlocked their doors, he looked over at her and said, “If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

“Yep. Sleep tight, boys.”

“You, too.” Dean smiled and headed into the room with Sam. As soon as he had the door shut and locked he turned to his brother and took his face in his hands, kissing him eagerly.

Sam smiled against his lips and grabbed the front of his shirt, kissing him back before he breathed, “Missed touching you so much today.”

“I missed it, too, Sammy,” Dean sighed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Sam. “Ain’t gonna be easy havin’ to keep my hands off of you every day.”

“Guess it’s a good thing we’ve had some practice, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He chuckled and pressed a kiss to Sam’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Sam leaned into him, resting his head against his chest. Pretty soon he’d be too tall to do that comfortably, but for the moment he was able to enjoy the comfort of it. He breathed in Dean’s scent, always astounded by just how much it grounded him, and said, “Not lettin’ you go all night.”

“I’m good with that.” Dean smiled down at him and started to move them towards the bed. He was too tired after hours of driving to do much more than hold Sam, but that was enough. He just wanted to be close to him.

They lay down together, wrapped as close together as they could manage, and closed their eyes. It was in moments like that, where everything else seemed to disappear and all Dean could focus on was the beautiful boy in his arms, when he realized that everything he was struggling through was worth it. If he gave up he would never be able to hold Sammy again and that was a fate that just wasn’t acceptable to him.

 

* * *

 

Halen thought she would be thankful to have some time alone, but she realized rather quickly that all it provided was too much time to think and a sinking feeling in her gut that made her want to be sick. As of that moment all she really had left in her life were the two guys next door to her and despite how well their friendship was coming along they were practically strangers. If she was being realistic she was pretty much alone in the world, the only thing that had been her driving force for longer than she could remember long gone by then.

She didn’t expect pity. She’d never been the type to whine and mope, even when she’d been younger and living with the alcoholic she had for a mother. When she’d left home to be with Jeremy she hadn’t even brought up the fact that her mom didn’t lift a finger to stop her from going. Pity and attention were not what she wanted and that was probably part of the reason she hadn’t filled Sam and Dean in on her more of life story yet.

Still, everyone had their moments when they wondered how much they could take. Everyone who had struggled in life occasionally took a moment to stop and ask God just exactly why things kept going to hell for them. Tonight was one of those nights for her and if she was being honest she wasn’t quite ready to deal with it. The pain and helplessness that accompanied nights like that were just too much and so she decided to put it off for a while longer.

Halen headed out of her room and crossed the short space between her door and the brothers’.  Maybe if they were still awake they could cheer her up a bit—they’d done a great job of keeping her spirits up all day.

However she was stopped before she could make it all the way to their door. She came to a halt at their window, noticing firstly that the lights were off and they were probably asleep already. She had a moment of warring over whether or not to wake them up, but what she noticed next as she glanced through the small gap in their curtains only confirmed her decision not to bother them.

Sam and Dean were curled together in their bed rather intimately, Sam’s head on Dean’s chest and their legs and arms tangled around one another. Dean’s mouth was resting against his brother’s hair as though he’d fallen asleep after a pressing kiss to the top of Sam’s head.

“Oh, shit…” Halen muttered to herself, looking back on a few things that seemed to click in her mind as she took in their affectionate position. The way Dean had pulled Sam against his side when he’d introduced him to her, the flush to Dean’s cheek and his ruffled hair when he’d said he’d been “napping” at the last hotel, the way he’d always talked about just how close he and Sam were…god, she never would have even guessed it but it made sense now.

Panic started to settle in as these new suspicions filled her mind and she wasn’t sure what the hell she was supposed to do now. She’d seen and done some crazy things in her life, so it’s not like she was one to judge, but her mind was still having a hard time processing the idea that these _brothers_ might be so much more than that.

Deciding that there was no way in hell she was going to figure this out without thinking it over for a while she chose to go back to her room and try to get some sleep. She could deal with it tomorrow when her mind wasn’t already so full of everything else.

Crawling back into her bed she tried to tell herself that she’d dealt with stranger things in life and that thought soothed her just enough to allow her to drift off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Morning proved to be a lot less awkward than Halen was expecting. It wasn’t as strange as she thought it would be walking to Sam and Dean’s room with the new suspicions she had, especially when they acted like completely normal siblings arguing over how long Dean took on his hair and how Sam just had a mop on his head and could keep his mouth shut.

Even as Dean grinned, walking out of the bathroom and ruffling his little brother’s hair, she never would have suspected anything if not for what she had seen the night before.

However, it seemed like she was the one acting odd, because Dean shot her a peculiar glance and asked, “You feelin’ alright this mornin’?”

“Yeah, yeah, m’alright,” she muttered, snapping out of her observational trance. “Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Ah…well you can hang here and catch some Z’s if you want while me and Sam go check stuff out,” Dean suggested. “We’ll bring some lunch back later on and we can put down some protection before we go.”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea,” Halen sighed, truthfully very tired. “Got a lot on my mind and I think it might do me some good to just rest a bit.”

Time to rest and time to think were what she needed. She only knew one thing for certain and that was the fact that she didn’t think any less of Sam and Dean for what was probably going on between them. They were good people and she understood why they might rely on each other that way.

However, she wasn’t sure how she was going to handle it. She didn’t know if she should say anything or if she should just forget about it and keep doing things the way they had been.

Luckily as they boys headed out she had time to just mull it over and by the time they came back with lunch she should probably have her mind made up.  

 


	18. Just Another Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is pretty short, but I couldn't end it anywhere else without having an insanely long chapter. I've just got too much planned for the next one. XD

When Sam and Dean got back to the motel room with two bags with of Chinese in tow, Halen was sitting on the bed watching a movie. She had made up her mind within the first hour of being alone and now all she had to do was muster of the balls to actually ask them about what was going on between them.

Her logic was that they were only hiding it because they didn’t want her to know. She imagined without her there they would have no problems being openly affectionate. Considering they were helping her out and it was their car she was hitching a ride in, well…if she knew what was going on and didn’t say anything then she’d probably wind up feeling like hell for making them think they had to hide it when they really didn’t.

It was something she wasn’t going to be comfortable with right away. She’d never been exposed to anything like this before and it was going to be weird for her at first, but she figured it was the least she could do to try and adjust.

So, as they all sat down to eat she announced nervously, “There’s, uh…something I need to ask you guys about and…just don’t get pissed at me when I ask, alright?”

The boys looked up at her in surprise and she didn’t miss the anxiety that flashed over both of their faces before they quickly disguised it. Yep—they must know what she was getting at and it only confirmed for her that she was doing the right thing.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, swirling his noodles around his chopsticks.

“Oh, hell, how should I put this…you two are…more than brothers, aren’t you?” she asked anxiously, watching the way they quickly glanced at each other and then back at her.

“Uh…what…what exactly do you mean?” Dean stammered.

“You know what I mean, I know you do. I saw you two last night all wrapped around each other and I’ve just never seen siblings sleep together like that. And there’s been other things, too…”

Sam was looking terrified, like he expected her to call them freaks and go stomping out of the room, but Dean just held her gaze steadily. His protective instincts were kicking in and she knew it. The look he gave her said quite simply that if she said the wrong thing and hurt Sam then she would never be forgiven—that what they had was right in his eyes and if she disagreed she could leave.

“So what happens now?” he retorted, setting down his utensils and sitting up a little straighter. “You gonna head back to Idaho or is this alright with you?”

Sam seemed a little stunned by his brother’s attitude, eyebrows furrowing as he watched him.

“Well, I’m not going back to Idaho, but I wouldn’t say I’m one-hundred percent alright with it,” she said honestly. “I don’t really have a problem with it, but I’m also not totally comfortable with the idea yet either.”

“Okay…so how do we handle this?”

“Well, I thought about it and I’d like to be supportive. I just…you two are just going to have to ease me into it, okay? I’m not sure how well I’m going to process things if you go right from nothing but hugging to being all over each other in front of me.”

Dean pondered that for a moment, and then nodded. “Seems reasonable. It’s a better response than I was expecting.”

“Yeah, well…I don’t have siblings of my own so I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but cultural stigmas still got to me by now,” she sighed. “I guess what I’m saying is that you’re good people and I’m not judging, but I need to time to get myself into the right mindset to handle seeing you together.”

“Whataya think, Sammy? That okay with you?” Dean glanced at his brother, the look on his face saying that it was completely up to him. If he wanted her gone she was gone.

“Of course,” Sam replied, shrugging. “I’m just glad she’s not running for the hills, to be honest.”

“Well that settles it then…we’re cool as long as you are,” Dean decided, going back to his food.

Halen nodded, taking in his words for a moment before starting in on her own food. “Okay. Good.”

Sam just smiled and took a bite of his Chinese. He was so easy to please it was ridiculous and she thought it had a lot to do with all the things he’d been through. He was probably just glad they were alive and getting along.

“But just to be clear…what’s okay for right now and what isn’t? Like…” Dean trailed off and reached over to Sam, grabbing the hand that had laid on the table. “Is this alright? Or does it bother you?”  

Halen took a moment to answer, wanting to be totally honest when she did. She studied them, their hands folded together between their meals, and it didn’t make her feel at all uncomfortable. It seemed oddly natural.

“That’s fine. Can we just…save the kissing for later when I’m a little more used to this?”

“Sure.” Dean smiled and squeezed Sam’s hand a little tighter. She got the feeling he just liked being able to touch Sam in front of someone who knew the truth about them.

 

* * *

 

“Ya know, I never told you because you took off before I could…Jess knows, too,” Sam confessed later on. He and Dean were researching the area and looking for any werewolf activity and Dean glanced up from his computer with wide eyes.

“She does?”

“Yeah. She called me out on it kinda like Halen, but she was completely cool with it. Said it was kind of beautiful.” He smiled as he remembered that conversation and felt a pang of guilt over the fact that he hadn’t called her yet.

“Beautiful? Really?” Dean leaned back in his chair and he cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Mhmm. That’s why she backed off me. ‘Cause she knows I’m in love with you.”

“Wow…damn, we’ve gotten lucky so far,” Dean sighed. “Probably wouldn’t get such a great response from Bobby or any of the hunters we know.”

Sam opened his mouth to reply but he was interrupted by Dean’s phone ringing. They both glanced at it and Dean snatched it off the table, examining the number. He answered it a second later saying, “Hey, Bobby.”

Sam watched his brother, growing nervous as he saw the smile Dean had been wearing fade. He was sitting very still, listening intently, and then he grumbled, “Well, fuck…alright, thanks for the heads up, Bobby…yeah, I know, it’s cool. We’re not mad….sure thing. Bye.”

“Dad?” Sam clarified, knowing that had to be what the conversation had been about.

“Yeah…Dad. He finally called Bobby and he’s pissed.”

“Great…so how long do you think we have until he catches up to us?” God, John was going to be furious with both of them—hell, all three of them. He highly doubted Bobby was on their dad’s good side at the moment.

Dean shrugged and closed his laptop. “Hell if I know. The man’s good…if he gets wind of those cattle deaths he’ll be heading to Idaho.”

“Dean…m’not ready to go back,” Sam muttered.

“Me either. But…maybe he’ll understand. Maybe if we tell him what we’ve been up to he’ll see that we’ve got something good going and we’re trying to get me help.”

Dean didn’t sound too hopeful, but Sam still clung to his words and tried to cheer him up.

“Dad can be reasonable when it comes to supernatural stuff,” he reminded his brother. “You might be right.”

“Yeah…well either way he’s gonna wanna get involved.”

There was no reason for Dean to elaborate. Sam knew exactly why that was a problem. They’d just had a breakthrough with Halen and were working on being able to be together around the one person who had been standing between them and now John was going to be hunting them down. If he found them they’d be back to square one.

“We just gotta stay ahead of him somehow then,” Sam declared. “Don’t ask me how, but we’ll figure it out.”

Dean nodded slowly and buried his face in his hands. “God, I miss when shit was normal…”

“Me, too. Except for the whole pining after for you from a distance part. That was kind of like hell.”

The smile that broke across Dean’s face was beautiful and it lightened some of the heaviness on Sam’s heart.

“Well don’t worry, baby, you won’t ever have to worry about that again. As a matter of fact I think you’re too far away right now and you should really come over here.”

He opened up his arms and smirked at Sam who immediately got to his feet and crossed the space between them. He climbed into Dean’s lap and curled up to him the best he could in the small chair he sat in.

“If we don’t find anything by tomorrow night we should probably move on,” Sam suggested, face buried in Dean’s neck. “Keep moving as much as we can.”

“Yeah…Sammy, you sure you don’t wanna go back? ‘Cause I don’t want you to be stuck running like this if you don’t wanna be. I know you want to go to school and—”

“Dean, stop.” Sam sat up and looked down at him, eyes stern. “I’ll go back to school when I can, don’t worry about that. For now let’s just focus on getting you help and not getting ourselves dragged back to Sioux Falls by Dad. Alright?”

“Alright…just want you to be happy, Sam.”

“And I am happy. With you. How many times are we going to have this discussion before you realize that?” Sam would have it with him every day for the next ten years if that’s what it took, but he really wished Dean would realize how amazing he was.

“Probably a million,” Dean chuckled. “Why don’t we go talk to Halen and see if she’s found anything?”

“Okay.” Sam leaned down and kissed his brother slow and sweet, lightly stroking the side of his face with his thumb. “Let’s go.”

“Mmm…in a minute.” Dean dragged him back in for another kiss, lips lightly caressing Sam’s and his tongue teasing across the seam of his brother’s mouth. Sam moaned softly and leaned further into the kiss, but as he did they heard a knock at their door that instantly snapped them apart.

“Dammit,” Dean sighed, glancing towards the interruption. “Guess you better get that; it’s probably Halen.”

“Yeah…” Sam pouted for a moment before pecking Dean on the mouth and hopping up. He headed over to the door and pulled it open, smiling as he saw Halen. His grin fell though as he saw the grim look on her face.

“I found something,” she informed them, making her way into the room with her laptop under her arm.

“What is it?” Sam followed her over to the table, standing at Dean’s side and letting her have the open seat.

“Definitely werewolf activity, but it’s not exactly what we were looking for.” She opened her computer and typed in her password before spinning it around for them to view. There was an article displayed there from another town in Oregon and Sam scanned through it, his stomach twisting anxiously as he did so.

There had been two deaths the night of the full moon leaving two unrelated victims with their hearts missing and bodies ripped apart. There wasn’t much more information they could use, but they didn’t need anything else to go on. This was enough and Sam knew Dean agreed as soon he as looked at him.

“We’ve gotta go check it out,” Dean insisted, glancing between Sam and Halen. “Whether it’s someone who needs help or some rogue asshole we can’t just let ‘em keep killing people.”

“Yeah, but…what if it’s Jeremy?” Halen muttered, pulling her computer back to her and staring at the screen nervously. “I mean, I chased him off and I probably messed him up by showing up unexpected like that…what if he got stuck somewhere that isn’t safe because of me and…”

“It’s probably not him,” Sam assured her, although he was well aware it could have been Jeremy. “He’s been doing things smart for a while now, I’m sure he made sure he was somewhere safe that night.”

“Yeah…you’re probably right, I just feel like it’s so close and the timing has me all messed up.”

“It won’t take us long to get there,” Dean said, getting to his feet. “I say we head out now, find a spot to hunker down, and see if whoever did it is still hangin’ around.”

“And what if it is just some rogue werewolf?” Sam stood as well and shot his brother a look of concern. “Are you gonna kill it?”

“Of course. Sammy, I’m still a hunter.”

“I know, I just…”

“You just what? Don’t think I can do it?” Dean was getting defensive now like he always did when someone doubted him and Sam instantly regretted saying anything. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Dean could and would kill the werewolf if that’s what needed to be done; he was more concerned about the effect it would have on his brother to do that—to deal with this case.

“I know you can do it, Dean. I guess I’m just not sure if you should.”

“Why not? It’s just another hunt. Been there and done it plenty of times.” He headed over to the bed and started gathering his things.

“It’s not just another hunt. You’ve never killed a werewolf, particularly not since you turned.” Dean was still obviously messed up over the change, still trying to accept the idea that he wasn’t just a monster that needed to be shot down, and Sam was afraid that seeing the damage this person had done would send him sliding right back to where he’d started.

“Sam, they don’t just get a pass because we’re the same fucked up species. If they’re willing to accept help I’ll give it to them, but if they _want_ to kill…they need to die.”

Sam just sighed and nodded, knowing there was no point in trying to talk his brother out of this. After all, he was right. Some monsters were truly evil, even the ones turned against their will, and they had a job as hunters. But he didn’t want to see Dean fall apart again—didn’t want another suicide attempt.

“Alright…I’ll get my stuff.”

He started packing as well and Halen left to her room to the same thing. As he stuffed his clothes into his bag he watched his brother intently, seeing the way his eyes lit up and the way he seemed to be thrumming with energy all of a sudden. He was truly still a hunter no matter what life he chose—it was in his blood—and even facing a hunt like this he instantly came alive.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Sammy?”

Sam chewed at his lip for a moment before asking, “The wolf that scratched you…do you remember anything about him? Was he… _bad_?”

Dean stopped what he was doing, thinking on his answer and glancing over at Sam.

“I don’t know,” he admitted quietly. “We came onto his territory armed to kill him. For all I know he wolfed out without even wanting to and defended himself like any person or animal would. I really don’t know.”

Sam didn’t speak. He wasn’t really sure what to say to that—to the guilt shining in Dean’s eyes. Instead he just finished up with his packing and slung his bag over his shoulder about the same time as his brother did.

“Let’s get outta here,” Dean insisted, smiling weakly.

They headed out to the Impala to find Halen waiting for them and they all climbed inside, all three of them silent and preparing for whatever might come when they reached Klamath Falls.

 


	19. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, at this point I think I have about seven more chapters left to write. I've got the story line figured out and that's roughly how long it will take to write it all out. Just so you guys know. :)

_Here's a little bonus edit I did of Halen and Jeremy, just because :) Kristen Stewart and James Franco are my face claims for them._

__

* * *

 

 

John sat in his motel room with his phone to his ear, the only hunter anywhere near Oregon that he could trust on the other end of the line. He knew he couldn’t ask just anyone to take on the task he had in mind, not when there was a chance of them discovering what Dean was.

“I’m pretty sure they’re in Klamath Falls hunting a werewolf, but I can’t go there myself,” he explained to his old friend, James. “If they see me comin’ they’ll bail. Bobby made it pretty clear they don’t want to come home.”

“So do you just want to me check on ‘em? Make sure they’re safe?”

“Yeah, and just…let me know what they’re up to; where they’re staying.”

“Sure thing, man. I was about Sam’s age when I took off from home myself,” James mused. “Shouldn’t be too hard to track ‘em down.”

“Thanks, Jimmy. I’ll be headin’ that way myself once I tie up this case I’m workin’.”

“No problem. See ya ‘round, Johnny Boy.”

John hung up the phone and went back to his work, wanting to finish the hunt that night so he could head out west first thing in the morning. If it was Dean that had killed those people…if whatever crazy mission his boys were on had fallen through…well, he wasn’t really sure what he’d do, but he knew he had to find them.

 

* * *

 

It only took a few hours to reach their destination and they never would have guessed just by driving through it that anything bad had taken place in the past week. The place was beautiful and sunny and Sam couldn’t help thinking that he wished they could visit under different circumstances.

He kept his eyes open as they drove down the streets searching for a place to crash for the night and couldn’t help feeling anxious at what they were there to do. All he could think was that the last time Dean had gone after a werewolf he’d gotten turned—that’s why they were in this mess. He didn’t want to think about what might happen this time.

He reached over and took Dean’s hand, squeezing it and allowing it to anchor him. Dean’s eyes flickered over to him at the contact and he smiled softly, whispering, “S’gonna be okay, Sammy.”

Sam just nodded and examined the motel parking lot that they were now pulling into. He knew he’d have to stay behind while Dean went out to get some answers—he still looked too young to pass as any type of authority figure. Even Dean still looked pretty young, but he knew how to carry himself so that he seemed older and his presence was more commanding.

They checked into the motel and settled into their rooms, and then it was time for Dean to head out.

“Where are you going first?” Sam wondered, standing by the door with his brother.

“Figured I’d stop at the police station, tell ‘em I’m with the press and see if I can get some information—even just some names to go off of. Then see where that takes me.”

“D’you think Halen should go with you? You might need some back up.”

“I’ll see if she’s up for it. You be safe while I’m gone, alright? Lock the doors and keep the gun with you. Got silver bullets in it, just in case.” Dean reached out to stroke his thumb over Sam’s cheek before leaning down and kissing his forehead.

Sam smiled softly and closed his eyes for a moment, soaking up the feeling of Dean’s warm lips on his skin. When he opened them again Dean was smiling at him lovingly and had one hand on the door knob.

“See you later. Call me if you get a chance and let me know how it’s going,” Sam insisted.

“Sure thing, Sammy. Love you.”

“Love you.”

Dean headed out after that and Sam went to sit on the bed, flipping on the television and glancing over at the gun on the nightstand. He knew that this was just like any other hunt. It wasn’t the first time he’d been locked up in a hotel room with a gun at his side, Dean and his father out questioning people or chasing down monsters. But this just hit too close to home.

 

* * *

 

Dean managed to get the names of the victims with a lot of persuasion on Halen’s part. It turned out she was quite useful while trying to get answers. She had a way with words and could put on puppy dog eyes to rival Sam’s (although Dean was pretty sure no one’s could beat his little brother’s).

“Alright, so why don’t we start with this Amy Martell girl…they said her family lives right down the road,” Dean recalled, browsing through the notes he’d jotted down.

“She was the first one they received a call for, wasn’t she?” Halen checked.

Dean nodded and set his notes aside as he started up the Impala. He pulled out of the police station parking lot and headed in the direction of the Martell house, trying to decide what he was going to tell Amy’s family when he got there.

“She was a college student…could say we were friends from school that wanted to offer our condolences and find out what happened.” He glanced over at Halen to see what she thought and when she nodded in agreement he decided that was probably the best way to go. Pretending to share the family’s grief would probably get them farther than the journalist front.

It only took a couple minutes to reach their destination and from the look of things they weren’t the only people visiting. There were a few cars parked outside and for a moment Dean was second guessing getting out of the car.

But before he could back out a tall, older man with greying hair walked out onto the porch and called, “Friends of Amy’s?”

“Uh yeah, friends from school!” Dean called back, switching off the engine.

“C’mon in,” the man invited, his voice weary as he waved them in. Dean figured he was Amy’s father and that they’d had visitors fairly regularly since her death had been revealed.

He and Halen got out of the car and followed the man inside, introducing themselves as Ben and Claire.

“I’m James, Amy’s father,” the man confirmed, leading them into the spacious living room where five other people were sitting at the chairs and couches. The women who appeared to be Amy’s mother was huddled close to an elderly woman and crying into her shoulder while the other people talked quietly.

Dean stood away from the small group, not wanting to intrude, and asked quietly, “So, uh…what exactly happened to her? The news didn’t say much.”

James sighed, looking like he was about to repeat the story for the hundredth time that day. “We’re not entirely sure. It…it could have been an animal attack. That’s what they’re saying it looked like. Claw and fang marks were a pretty good clue. Only problem is we’ve got no clue what kind of animal did it or what she was doing outside the night it happened.”

He ran a hand through his hair and glanced over at a photo of his daughter that sat on a nearby stand. His eyes were dark and dead and Dean wondered for a moment what that kind of pain must be like. He hoped he never had to find out.

“Could she have been meeting someone? A boyfriend or…?”

“That was my first thought,” James said, gaze moving back to Dean. “But her dirt bag boyfriend has an alibi for that night and says he has no idea what attacked her.”

“Dirt bag, huh? Why’s that?” Halen chimed in, eyes narrowing curiously. “She never really spoke badly about him. Not to us anyway.”

“No, she wouldn’t have. She practically worshipped the ground he walked on. Said he was the best thing that ever happened to her.” Amy’s father scoffed and shook his head. “Worst thing to happen to her if you ask me. She started acting different—real secretive, staying out later, spending all her time with him instead of focusing on her school.”

“I see…so the police have already talked to…?” Halen trailed off, acting as though she couldn’t quite recall his name and hoping for James to fill in the blank.

“To Kaylob? Yeah. Wasn’t much help.”

She nodded and looked over at Dean who was watching her, impressed with her skills on the job.

“Well, we should probably be on our way, but thank you for inviting us in,” Dean said with a soft smile.

“Yes, thank you. And we’re so sorry for your loss,” Halen added.

James gave a half-hearted smile in return and headed over to the others while Dean and Halen made their way to the door.

Once they were in the safety of the Impala, free to discuss what they wanted, Halen suggested, “Maybe we should go check out the boyfriend. I mean, chances are she was killed randomly, but you never know.”

“You think maybe Kaylob killed her?”

“I don’t know. All I’m saying is that if he is as much trouble as James said he is and if we’ve got a rogue werewolf on our hands…”

She shrugged, giving him a look that said he was perfectly welcome to shoot down her idea.

“Guess it can’t hurt. Let’s go back to the motel and see if we can find out who this guy is.”

 

* * *

 

Sam was bored out of his mind by the time Dean and Halen got back, so he was perfectly happy to sit up and soak in everything they had to tell him. It wasn’t much from the sounds of it, but at least they had some kind of lead to follow.

Eager to help, he got out his laptop and started looking into anyone named Kaylob in the area while Halen and Dean researched the other victim, Daniel Erickson.

It didn’t take long to discover that Daniel and Amy were just as unrelated as the police had stated. They went to the same college and it seemed like that was all they had in common. They were in different extracurricular activities, had different friends, and seemed to be on opposite levels of the popularity scale.

To Sam it seemed like the murders were completely random—wrong place, wrong time kind of situations—but Dean wasn’t convinced. Sam wasn’t sure if it was just an eagerness to find the werewolf that may or may not still be in the area or just some gut instinct, but he wasn’t going to tell his brother not to talk to Kaylob. If he thought there was something there then it was worth checking into.

“I think I found him,” Sam announced after about half an hour, spinning his laptop around to show Dean. “Guy has a record so long I’m amazed he’s not still locked up. Lots of property destruction, it looks like, and a couple of bar fights. Definitely sounds like explosive werewolf material.”

Dean looked it over, eyebrows furrowing, and observed, “Dude _should_ be locked up still. Think maybe he’s got someone gettin’ him out of trouble?”

“Could be. Dean…if he is the wolf, then...he might not take too kindly to you coming around and asking questions. It’s still so close to the last full moon and he might—”

“Sammy, stop. I’m not gonna provoke him, okay? Just gonna get a feel for him—see if he might be a werewolf, too and if he is, well…we’ll have some common ground for me to start with.”

He fixed Sam with a stern gaze that said to let it go. Dean was going to do what he thought he had to do and no amount of fretting on Sam’s part was going to stop that.

“Okay, just…please be careful.” Sam reached across the table and rested his hand on his brother’s, caressing his fingers lightly with his own.

“Always am, aren’t I?” Dean’s mouth quirked up at one corner and he leaned forward slightly, eyes intent on Sam. “Told you before, baby boy, ain’t a damn thing in this world that can keep me from getting back to you.”

“God, you two are like something out of a romance novel,” Halen cut in from her place on the nearest bed. She peaked over her laptop screen at them, a playful smirk on her lips. “Got all the angst and shit, too. I don’t even need to pick up a book.”

Dean laughed, gaze finally leaving Sam as he sat back in his seat. Their hands were still intertwined at the center of the table though.

“M’sorry, I know we can be kinda gross,” Dean chuckled, winking at her. “Can’t help it sometimes.”

She smiled a little wider and shrugged. “Don’t let me keep you from your epic declarations of love. I’ve just…I’ve never seen two people look at each other the way you guys do.”

Sam just smiled and went back to reading up on Kaylob Shaw, getting as much information as he could before Dean went to find him. Dean gave Sam’s hand a little squeeze and went back to reading as well.

 

* * *

 

Dean chose to go see Kaylob alone and although Sam and Halen were nervous about the idea they didn’t protest.  They knew that if this was their guy then he wouldn’t take kindly to a whole crowd showing up and asking questions.

He lived in a small apartment, seemingly alone, and Dean decided the best thing he could do was be straight forward with this guy. He wasn’t going to sneak into his home while he was out or follow him around town. He was just going to talk to him—get a feel for him like he’d told Sam he would.

Knocking at the door Dean wondered how he was going to tell if Kaylob was a werewolf or not. He might have scars like Dean’s, but it was less likely if he went hunting for people every full moon.

But as the door swung open a moment later he knew in matter of seconds that he was at the right place. The hair at the back of his neck instinctually stood up and a warning shiver ran down his spine—his body telling him that he was in the presence of someone  dangerous.

He studied the muscular, broad-shouldered blonde, who was really not at all what he was expecting from the mug shot on the internet, and chose to just follow his gut.

“Hey, there, Kaylob. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that you know exactly what I am, because I’m pretty damn sure I know what you are,” Dean announced as Kaylob looked him over with a cautious and irritable stare.

“How do you know who I am?” Kaylob asked, blue eyes narrowing as he stood up a little straighter. The guy was pretty huge and although Dean wouldn’t let it show he was feeling a lot less confident about confronting him than he had been on his way over.

“Honestly? ‘Cause I came to Klamath Falls to find you. You’re one of the first werewolves I’ve found since I got turned.”

Kaylob chewed at his lip for a moment, and then opened his door wider. “C’mon in. But don’t try anything stupid.”

Dean was bit surprised by how willingly he was letting him in, but he didn’t protest. This was what he wanted—a chance to talk to Kaylob and find out exactly what had happened with Amy.

“So…,” Kaylob sighed, leaning back against the kitchen counter and crossing his arms. “Why’d you want to see me? M’guessin’ you’re pretty new to our, uh…lifestyle?”

His eyes roamed to the scars on Dean’s cheek and Dean nodded.

“Yeah…it’s only been a couple months. But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to talk about Amy.”

Kaylob’s jaw tensed at the mention of his dead girlfriend’s name and his voice had a dangerous growl to it as he snapped, “I don’t know who you who are, but don’t you _dare_ mention her to me.”

He uncrossed his arms and moved to cross the space between them, but Dean stepped back and exclaimed, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don’t wanna fight about it, man! I just need to figure out what happened, alright?”

“ _Why_?”

“Because…” Dean’s voice trailed off, unsure of what to say to that. The truth was that if Kaylob was a ruthless killer then he wanted to kill him and if he wasn’t, well…Dean had wanted to help him, but he wasn’t so sure Kaylob _needed_ his help. It seemed like the guy had been dealing with this curse a lot longer than Dean had.

“Because? You better have a better reason than that or you can get out of my apartment right now.”

“Alright, alright…,” Dean sighed, carding a hand anxiously through his hair. “Truth is I used to be a hunter and when I heard about the deaths here I wanted to check it out.”

“Dude, you’re diggin’ yourself one hell of a hole every time you open your mouth,” Kaylob warned him, his gaze growing more and more hostile by the second.

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it and just went silent while he mulled over what to say next. This wasn’t how he had planned for this to go and he probably should have gone with his usual tactic of investigating from afar before making any decisions. It was too late for that now though.

“Look, man, I…I wanted to help you,” Dean explained. “If you needed it. I’m a hunter, yeah, but I’m also a werewolf and I know it’s impossible to control.”

“To help me? And how exactly did you plan to do that?” Kaylob cocked an eyebrow at him skeptically.

“Hell if I know; I can barely help myself.”

“I see. So, let me get this straight…you came out to Klamath Falls to hunt down another werewolf so that you could ‘help’ him even though you have no idea how to do that?”

“Well, help or…or kill if that’s what—I’m just gonna shut up now.” Dean sighed and looked down at the floor, completely regretting his choice to just go straight to Kaylob’s apartment.

“Normally when you’re planning to kill someone you’re not supposed to introduce yourself and announce it first,” Kaylob pointed out, moving back to his place against the counter. “S’that how you hunt everything else?”

“Uh, no…not at all, actually. It’s just…hunting is a little different when you’re after your own species, ya know?”

“I do know. Used to be a hunter myself, but I gave it up five years ago when I was changed.”

Dean looked up at the other werewolf in shock. “Really?”

 “Mhmm. Wasn’t even on a case when it happened. I was walking back to the motel from a bar down the road and got attacked.” He shrugged and walked over to the table, taking a seat and looking up Dean. “If you want to know what happened to Amy, it wasn’t me that killed her. It was someone else in my pack.”

“There’s a _pack_ living here?”

“Haven’t been here too long. We don’t stay in one place for obvious reasons. But I grew up with Amy; she was there when I turned for the first time.” His gazed moved to the table and he stroked the five o’clock shadow that was setting in on his chin. “I thought I was at a place where I could see her again and decided to stop by my home town on the way through Oregon. Apparently that wasn’t the best idea.”

Dean took a moment to process this information, rolling it around in his brain. There was definitely a rogue wolf around there somewhere, but it wasn’t this guy. “You willing to tell me who killed her?”

“No…this is a pack issue and I have to handle it myself,” Kaylob replied bluntly. “We don’t kill people. We made that choice together as a group. The person who violated that rule is going to be dealt with accordingly.”

“But…I mean, what if it was an accident? We both know it’s not that easy—”

“It wasn’t  an accident,” Kaylob interrupted, shaking his head. “I know that much. But I’ve already told you more than you should know, so I think it’s time for you to head out.”

“Wait, just…one more question, alright? How do you do it? How does your pack keep from killing people?”

Kaylob seemed hesitant to answer, but as he stared at Dean with uncertainty something very close to sympathy flashed in his eyes and he answered quietly, “We’ve learned to control it.”

Dean felt as though his heart had leapt into his mouth and he fixed Kaylob with an intense, hopeful stare. “To control the change? _How_?”

“It’s not really my place to tell. It’s an old pack secret. But if you want I can take you to our alpha—you can tell him your story and he might be willing to help you.”

“Are you serious? You’d do that?”

Kaylob smirked at that and laughed lightly, “Well, now who’s helpin’ who?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I put face claims to my other OCs, I thought I'd let you know that a scruffy and very large Chris Evans is kinda my idea of what Kaylob looks like :)


	20. You're What Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long to post and I really hope it doesn't suck. I struggled with this chapter a lot for numerous reasons and I wasn't even sure I was gonna be able to finish it, so I'm just really glad it's done. I'm excited about the next one though, so hopefully that will be up sooner.

Dean decided to ride with Kaylob to meet the leader of the pack, wanting a chance to ask some more questions and understand some of the missing spots in the story that was slowly presenting itself to him. He wasn’t entirely sure why the guy was being so helpful and he was hesitant to believe it was just out of the goodness of his heart, but he had his gun on him in case things went south.

They were making their way down back roads and further from town as Dean mused, “When I was researching you I saw that you’ve  got a pretty impressive police record. Was that just your monthly gone wrong or what?”

Kaylob shook his head and smiled at Dean’s question, glancing over at him as he insisted, “Don’t ever call it my ‘monthly’ again and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have, alright?”

Dean laughed and nodded. “Yeah, alright.”

“Good. And yes, the police record has a lot to do with my earlier full moons. I was kinda reckless, didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t take the precautions I should’ve.”

“I know how that goes,” Dean sighed. “If my friends and family weren’t so good to me I probably would’ve gotten locked up before I ever had a chance to come out here. Did a pretty good number on a friend of mine.”

He cringed at the thought of it, his insides squirming with guilt as he thought about Jess lying in a hospital bed miserable because of him.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty shitty feeling,” Kaylob said, frowning. “That’s why this pack means so much to me. Found ‘em two years ago and they saved my life. Without them…shit, I’d still be running rogue and tearing apart everything in my path.”

“And what about Amy? She knew, didn’t she?”

“Mhmm…but I left her after I changed for the first time. Things, uh…went pretty wrong and I just couldn’t face her after that.”

Dean barked a cynical laugh and shook his head. “Man…seems like that’s what we all do. We all bail. ‘Course the person I tried to leave wouldn’t let me go. He tracked me down within two days.”

He smiled with pride at the thought of Sam and his grin only grew as he thought of how happy Sam would be to know that Dean might have found someone to help him.

“He? Your boyfriend?” Kaylob glanced over at him with a look of simple curiosity and Dean knew he wasn’t being judged. Kaylob was just trying to clarify things.

“Yeah, my boyfriend,” Dean replied, slightly put off by the simplicity of that word. Sam was so much more to him than just some temporary romance.

“Sounds like you got yourself somethin’ good there.” Kaylob’s eyes grew dark and Dean knew he was thinking about Amy.

He went silent for a moment, distracted with whatever memories were taking over his mind, and then he snapped back to the present as he said, “Just thought you should know that if Garrett does help you…it’s not a perfect fix. You won’t ever have to worry about killing anyone again and the rage will be more manageable, but you’ll still change and you’ll still have an uncontrollable urge to hunt.”

“That’s good enough for me. I don’t expect a cure; I just want a chance at something closer to normal.” He didn’t want to have to be afraid every month and he wanted to be able to give Sam some semblance of the life Dean knew he wanted.

“Well, here we are, so I guess we’ll see what happens,” Kaylob announced as they pulled into the driveway outside of a large, secluded house that Dean assumed was a rental.

When they first walked into the house it seemed like no one else was home. It was perfectly quiet and the living room was empty, but as they headed into the kitchen they encountered two more young men that were sitting at the table together. One was munching on a bag of chips and reading a very thick book while the other was scrolling through something on his laptop.

They both glanced up as Dean and Kaylob walked in and Dean came to a stop, the one reading turning and asking, “Who’s this?”

“This is Dean,” Kaylob announced. “Garrett, he could use our help.”

Garrett, an average sized brunette man that looked to be about thirty, studied Dean for a moment and asked, “When were you turned?”

“About a month and a half ago,” Dean answered.

“Killed anyone?”

“Not yet. Was locked up the first time I turned. And the second time I went out to the country and stuck to cattle.”

The alpha nodded, a hint of surprise flashing across his face. “I see. And why do you need our help?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt anyone. And because there’s someone that depends on me and I can’t be there for them if I don’t know how to control this.” Dean didn’t know what exactly qualified him to learn the pack secret, but he hoped his love for Sam would be enough. After all, that was the only real driving force he had.

Garrett stood up and crossed the space between them, meeting Dean’s gaze. “Come back tonight when the pack is together. We make decisions as a group, but I think I can safely say we will be able to help you as long as you’re willing to put forth the effort.”

Dean felt a huge weight left from his shoulders at those words and he grinned broadly. “Thank you so much. I will put forth all the effort and then some. I want this more than anything.”

“I can tell,” Garrett said with a soft smile. “I’ll see you later, Dean.”

 

* * *

 

Dean was practically bursting at the seams with excitement, anxious to get back to Sam and tell him the good news. It wasn’t a cure, but it was the best option he had and he was just thankful to have any chance at all. If he could control it—if he could find a way to reign in all the rage—then maybe he and Sammy could have somewhat of a normal life together after all.

When he got back to the motel he found his brother napping on the bed and figured Halen was in the next room. He was kind of thankful for the privacy, wanting a chance to share this with Sam alone.

“Sammy…hey…,” Dean whispered, sitting next to his brother and running a hand through his messy hair. “Wake up, baby boy, I got good news for you.”

Sam grumbled and rolled onto his back, eyes slowly peeling open as he took in the sight of Dean leaning over him. “What’s up?”

“I tracked Kaylob down.”

“Yeah? Is he our guy?” Dean’s little brother sat up, eyes wide and curious now.

“Well, no…but he knows who did it and he and the pack are handling it,” Dean explained. “But that’s not what I wanted to tell you, Sammy. Kaylob’s pack knows how to control the change.”

There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Sam stammered, “Control it? Like…like _control_ it? Like stop it?”

“Not stop it, no, but they can teach me to get a handle on the anger. To keep from killing people and direct my urge to hunt.”

“Dean, that’s great!” Sam’s face lit up and he moved to hug Dean, but his brother stopped him.

“I still gotta meet with the pack tonight and see if they’re willing to help me out, so don’t get too excited yet,” Dean warned. “But…I think my chances are pretty good.”

He allowed Sam to hug him now and buried his face in Sam’s hair, smiling softly.

“Dean, if this works…we might actually be able to settle down somewhere.”

“I know, baby boy. And I want that with you—more than anything.”

Sam leaned back and grinned at Dean, arms still wrapped around his neck. “You do?”

“Well, I mean, I’d probably still want to hunt on the side, but I kinda figured that’s a given,” Dean chuckled, shrugging. “But Sammy…all this shit we’ve been through has shown me one thing and that’s that you’re what matters to me. At the end of the day, whether it’s after a hunt or a full moon or whatever…you’re the most important thing in my life. And I need you.”

He ran his hand up and down Sam’s back, taking in the admiration shining in his little brother’s eyes, and knew that everything he said was true. If they could get through this with the option of a semi-normal life still on the table then he was going to take that opportunity and run with it. He’d come so close to losing it for good and to ruining Sam’s life along with his own and he wouldn’t do it again.

“I need you, too, Dean. And I love you.”

Sam closed the space between them and kissed Dean deeply, laying back and dragging his brother down onto the bed with him. They curled up next to each other, lips moving fervently together, and for the first time in a while Dean felt like everything might actually be okay.

 

* * *

 

Nervous wasn’t the best way to describe how Dean was feeling as he went to meet with the pack. He was pretty sure things were going to work in his favor. Anxious was probably a better term for it. He was anxious to figure out what he had to do and get to work on it—to work on being the best person (or monster) that he could be for Sam.

Kaylob met him outside and let him into the house, leading him into the living room where the rest of pack was waiting. They sat on the chairs and couches and watched silently as Dean entered the room, one of them catching his eye as he went to stand at the center of the room.

He had to do a double take as he saw the thin, dark haired guy that smiled at him somewhat uncertainly and as he did he exclaimed, “ _Jeremy?_ ”

“Hey, man,” Halen’s ex greeted, giving a small wave.

Dean felt what he knew was probably irrational anger bubbling up inside of him at the sight of the other werewolf, the tears he’d seen Halen cry and all the pain he still saw in her eyes every day making him want to lash out at the man.

“Dude, do you have any idea how bad you messed Halen up?” he growled, fixing Jeremy with a stern glare. “You couldn’t even let the girl say a proper goodbye, man! It’s killin’ her!”

“Now’s not the time,” Garrett interrupted, getting to his feet and coming to stand between Dean and Jeremy. “Whatever personal business the two of you have with one another can wait until after the meeting. Understood?”

Dean gritted his teeth and choked back whatever snarky response he wanted to make, nodding his agreement.

“Good. Now, Dean…why don’t you tell the pack why you’re here?” the alpha instructed, moving to sit back down.

“Right…,” Dean sighed, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. “Well…I’m not sure what there is to say other than the fact that I just want to be able to control what was done to me. I don’t want to hurt people, ‘specially not the people I love. And I don’t wanna spend my life locked in a cell every month either.”

“And if we chose to help you, would you follow every one of our instructions to the best of your ability?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And do you understand that if you do _not_ follow those instructions and your disobedience leads to the harm of a human we will be forced to end your training and banish you from our territory?”

 Dean nodded. “Yes.”

Garrett studied him for a moment, gaze pensive, and then he continued, “We recently had a member of the pack rebel and kill someone very dear to one of our own, which in our group is an offense punishable by death. That’s why I wanted you to meet with us first—why I want everyone to vote on whether or not we should help you. We can’t afford power hungry wolves going rogue and blowing our cover, especially not in one of our home towns. You do understand that if you intentionally rebel and cause harm to a human that we will have to kill you, correct?”

“If I ever turn into that kind of a monster I want someone to put me down,” Dean replied simply.

“Alright. Now that we’ve covered the rules, how about we take a vote?” The leader stood and glanced around at his pack, adding, “Everyone in favor of offering our guidance to Dean, please raise your hand.”

Dean watched gratefully as hand after hand rose into the air. After a moment the whole pack was voting in his favor and a broad grin spread across his face as Garrett said, “Looks like it’s settled then. Welcome to the pack, Winchester.”

“Thanks, man,” Dean replied, shaking the alpha’s hand. “When do we start?”

“First thing in the morning if you want.”

“Alright. I’ll be here bright and early then.”

He turned to shake the hands of some of the other wolves and as his eyes landed on Jeremy he insisted, “When I get here tomorrow you and I are gonna talk, ‘cause I got a real hurt girl waiting back at the hotel and you owe her. Got that?”

A small smile formed on Jeremy’s lips at the mention of Halen and he nodded once. “Sure thing, Dean.”

 

* * *

 

 

“You sure this is a good idea, Dean?” Sam questioned as he got dressed. Dean was insisting that they go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that something was actually going the way they wanted it to for once. Also, he apparently just wanted to take Sam out on a real date, which was nice but also unnecessary.

“Sure,” Dean replied with a shrug.  “We’ll pick some place quiet, keep to ourselves, and be back here before midnight. We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah…you’re right,” Sam sighed, getting to his feet. “I just…I keep feeling like we’re going to walk out that door and run into Dad.”

Dean smiled and took his hand, pulling him towards the door and insisting, “Even if he knows where we are, who the hell knows how long he’s gonna have to drive to get to us. Then he has to figure out where we’re crashing. And if I catch anyone tailing us we’ll bail as soon as we shake ‘em. It’ll be alright, Sammy, I promise.”

“Shouldn’t we at least take a cab or something? If he sees the car it’s a dead giveaway.”

They walked out of the room, Dean closing and locking the door as he scanned the parking lot and agreed, “Yes. Which is why I already called for one while you were in the shower.”

He gestured to the cab waiting in the parking lot for them and smirked, obviously proud of his ability to think ahead.

“Sam, just relax, okay? Have fun.” Dean grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him into a quick, but eager kiss. “This is our night. No more werewolf bullshit, no more Dad, no more anything. Just us.”

Sam smiled against his will and melted against Dean’s chest, kissing him one more time. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

John had been driving for hours, wanting to get as close to Klamath Falls as possible without actually entering the town. He wanted to play things smart—wait to hear more about what his boys were up to before trying to get to them.

That’s why he didn’t waste a second snatching his phone from the passenger seat when it rang. He answered quickly, saying, “Jimmy, whatcha got?”

“Well, they’re in Klamath Falls alright,” the hunter confirmed, the weary tone of his voice making John anxious.

“Well are they alright?”

“Uh…shit, Johnny, I don’t know how to tell you this…”

“Tell me what? Jesus, Jimmy, just spit out! Are they okay or not?” If something had happened to either of his boys he needed to know and he needed to know right away.

“They’re fine, but…I found out what motel they’re crashin’ at and uh…you’re _really_ not gonna like what I found out.”


	21. Alliance

John’s stomach churned in a way that had him pulling his truck to the side of the road and hurrying out the door. He slammed it shut behind him and ran to the grass, dropping to his knees as the contents of his lunch came spilling out into the ditch.

He hadn’t wanted to believe what Jimmy was telling him. He had told the man to stop fucking around and tell him what was really going on—had insisted that he was crazy or had the wrong kids or _something_. _Anything_ other than that.

But as it had sunk in that it was true—that Jimmy had really seen his boys… _together_ …

God, even as he was throwing up from the force of the truth he’d just been hit with he didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to go find Sam and Dean and prove Jimmy wrong. Wanted to believe it was just some kind of scam they’d pulled to get out of trouble or something.

After all, it wasn’t like Jim had _heard_ anything. He’d just seen them come out of the room, kiss, and get in a cab together. There could be some kind of crazy reason for that other than Sam and Dean being a couple, right?

That’s what he told himself as he pushed himself back to his feet and went to climb back into his truck. There had to be an explanation and he planned to finish the drive to Klamath Falls and figure out what it was.

 

* * *

 

Sam and Dean made it back to the motel a good two hours before midnight, which hadn’t exactly been the plan. However, neither of them had cared much for the plan once they’d sat down to eat and the teasing had started.

It had begun simply enough with Dean suggestively chewing and sucking at his straw as he watched Sam, listening to him talk. He hadn’t even noticed he was doing it at first, but once he’d picked up on it and the effect it had on Sammy he’d just ran with it.

It wasn’t too long before his little brother apparently decided it was time to reciprocate, brushing his leg against Dean’s under the table and lightly stroking his fingers up and down the side of his glass.

Next they started reaching across the table, lightly caressing one another’s arms and hands and before long they’d been paying their bill and heading back to the motel.

Now they were sprawled out on the bed, Dean draped over Sam as his lips moved slowly down his brother’s neck. Sam whimpered softly and arched his neck, fingers running up Dean’s back under his shirt.

Dean wanted to take his time. He wanted to kiss every inch of Sam he could, trail his fingers over his skin and through his hair, listen to all the sweet noises he made…but that was becoming increasingly difficult to do as his brother began to buck against him eagerly. With every brush of Dean’s lips and sweep of his tongue Sammy seemed to be getting more desperate.

“Easy, baby boy,” Dean whispered in his ear, gently pushing Sam’s hips back against the bed. “M’not done yet.”

“Dean, you’re killing me,” Sam whined.

“I’ve barely done anything, Sammy.”

“Doesn’t matter. Wanted you since we got to the restaurant.” Sam turned his head and met Dean’s gaze, his eyes dark.

“And what is that you want, huh?” Dean slid down his body and pushed up his shirt, running his mouth over Sam’s stomach.

“Want your mouth,” his little brother breathed. He let out a small gasp as Dean nipped at his navel.

“Yeah? Where you want it?”

Dean hovered just above the waist band of Sam’s jeans, trailing his tongue over the sensitive flesh and watching him shiver.

“Want it on my cock. God, Dean, please…”

Well, he certainly couldn’t say no to that. With a devilish leer he unfastened Sam’s jeans and pulled them down his thighs, his mouth watering at the sight of his brother’s straining dick. He was insanely hard, the tip red and swollen, and as Dean slowly drew his tongue over the head Sam made a desperate whimper that sent shivers down Dean’s spine.

He started to tease Sam, trailing little licks and kisses down the shaft and lightly stroking his fingers over his balls. Just enough to make him feel it and to make him wriggle eagerly under the attention.

“Like that, Sammy? Like when I tease you?”

But Sam didn’t get a chance to answer, the words he might have spoken choked back by the sudden pounding that started at the door.

Dean was on his feet faster than he imagined Sam’s eyes could follow and he had his gun in his hand a half a second later. He glanced over at his brother to see that he’d already yanked his pants up and was snatching his own pistol from the nightstand before clambering to a standing position.

“Who is it?” Dean shouted, moving to position between Sam and the door.

The incessant pounding came to a stop, but what followed was infinitely worse in Dean’s opinion.

“It’s your father! Now open the door, Dean!”

“Fuck,” Sam breathed from behind him, voice shaking. “Fuck, Dean, he found us…”

“Sammy, we can run if you want,” Dean told him, turning his head to meet his brother’s gaze. “Out the bathroom window and into Halen’s room. But you gotta be quick.”

Sam simply nodded and moved for the bathroom door silently and swiftly.

“Just a sec, Dad, was cleaning my gun!” Dean hollered, following after his brother. “Got parts all over the floor!”

They both crammed into the small room and into the tub, Dean reaching up to push the window open. “C’mon, Sam, you go first.”

There was more loud thumps against the door and then John was shouting, “Dean, you open this door _right now_ or I’m breaking it down!”

As Sam readied himself to climb up through the window Dean quickly sent a text to Halen that said bluntly, “Open bathroom window. Now.”

He tucked his phone back into his pocket and as soon as he heard Sam’s feet hit the pavement outside he followed behind him.

The last thing he heard before he made his escape was a relief. It was the sound of Halen’s voice snapping from the front of her motel room, “Sir, I’m sorry if you’re having problems with your rebellious child, but could you keep it down? There are people trying to sleep.”

He didn’t wait to find out what John’s reply was. He just dropped down outside, eyes landing on Sam who was already crawling through the wide open entrance to Halen’s room.

Dean didn’t waste any time slithering through after him and as soon as he was inside he slid the window shut before collapsing into the tub with a gasp of relief.

“C’mon, Dean, we gotta get away from the window,” Sam whispered, already standing outside the tub with his hand extended towards his brother.

Dean took his hand and let himself be pulled up and out of the bathtub. They yanked the curtain shut, blocking the view of anyone who might come looking, and then they both hit the tile floor.

Dean pulled Sam into his arms, his heart wrenching as he realized that he was trembling all over. “S’okay, baby…he’s not gonna find us. Not tonight.”

“Dean, if he had…,” Sam whispered, voice breaking. “I can’t go back to that. I can’t lose _this_.”

He clung to Dean a little tighter, displaying exactly what “this” was.

God, Dean had to really work to choke back the tears threatening to overcome him. “You’re never gonna lose me. I promise. Not gonna let him take you from me.”

A moment later the bathroom door swung open and Halen was looking down at them, taking in the sight of a shaking and terrified Sam crying into Dean’s flannel shirt. Dean stared back at her, holding Sam as tightly as he could without hurting him, and muttered, “Thank you.”

“Told him if he didn’t get lost I was gonna call management,” she informed him with a small smile. “He’s gone for now, but I’m guessing he’s not the type to give up that easy.”

“No, he’s not. We should probably leave soon, but you’re gonna have to scope out the area first. He might have someone watching us if he’s not doing it himself.”

“Dean…why’re you running from him? Is it…ya know…” She gestured to the affectionate way they were entwined.

“That’s part of it…he’s the reason we’ve been hunters all our lives,” Dean explained. “He wanted to shoot me and ask questions later when I was turned, but Sammy wouldn’t let him. He doesn’t…he just doesn’t understand that the world isn’t black and white and he wouldn’t understand what I’ve got going with Kaylob’s pack or...or with Sam.”

Halen nodded, moving to sit on the toilet seat. “So…the pack…is that where we should go? To them?”

“I dunno…Kaylob thinks Sam’s my boyfriend and if I gotta explain that we’re running from our _dad_ …”

“Ah…yeah, that does present a problem. Look, why don’t you two lay low for a bit after we get outta here and I can go talk to them about…your situation.”

“You’d do that?” Dean muttered.

“Sure. Look, you know I’m not exactly comfortable with what you two have, but even I can’t deny that it’s the real deal,” she sighed. “You love each other. You take care of each other. Nothing wrong with that.”

“Okay…but I should probably warn you…”

“What? Scared they’re a little too rough and tumble for me?” Halen chuckled.

“Uhm…no. Halen, Jeremy’s part of the pack.”

He watched as her face went white and she nodded slowly, soaking in that piece of information. “Well…okay…I wanted my chance to say goodbye to him, didn’t I? Looks like I get to kill two birds with one stone.”

She cleared her throat and got to her feet, moving for the door. Before she left them alone she glanced over her shoulder and said, “I’ll go next door and get your things.”

 

* * *

 

They left as soon as possible, not wanting to give John a chance to come back. They’d parked the car a block away from the motel just in case of nights like the one they were having and were fairly sure they’d managed to sneak off the motel property without being followed by anyone.

They chose some place nice to stay after that—something that John wouldn’t expect and with more security. They picked a name that was common, but not anything they’d normally use, and let the front desk know that they did not want any guests. Dean even slipped the clerk a little extra cash to make sure that request was met.

The three of them didn’t get to sleep until four in the morning, Sam and Dean curling around each other in their queen size bed.

It was only four hours later that they were up and Halen was preparing to make her trip to the packs’ house. She was obviously nervous, chewing at her lip and toying with her hair as she got ready, her face serious and pale.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Dean assured her. “He knows you’re in town. I told him. And I told Kaylob to expect you.”

“And why did you tell him I’m coming over there instead of you?”

“Told him the truth. That I was in a rough situation and I thought the explanation would sound better coming from you. Told him he could choose whether he wanted to see me or not once you were done talking to him.”

“Right.” Halen nodded and grabbed the car keys, squeezing them anxiously. “Maybe we shouldn’t even tell them, Dean. This seems like a good place to hide. I mean, what if he _doesn’t_ wanna see you? You’ll lose the only chance you’ve got.”

“Nah…we gotta do this. We need to be honest. My dad will find us eventually and it would be better if we had some back up when it happens.” He sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed. “And if they don’t want to help me anymore…I’ll figure it out on my own.”

Halen bit her lip and crossed her arms, glancing towards the bathroom where Sam was taking a shower. “Dean…are you guys sure it’s worth it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just be brothers?”

“That’s not an option, Halen,” Dean replied easily. “Sam’s not just my brother. Never has been. He’s everything to me. Literally everything. And I can’t just change that. Can’t just switch it off.”

“I guess I understand. I couldn’t stop loving Jeremy even if I wanted to.”

“And you don’t want to, do you?”

“No. I don’t.” She smiled softly and headed for the door. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck.”

 

Halen was pretty much terrified as she knocked on the door of the packs’ house. She had no idea who was going to answer and if it was Jeremy she was pretty sure she might be sick. She didn’t know what she would say to him or what she would do. Didn’t know what she _wanted_ to do…

Fortunately it was Kaylob who greeted her and let her into the house. He led her into the living room where one other guy waited for them. She figured he must be the pack leader and she soon realized she was correct when Kaylob introduced him.

“So, what is it you needed to talk to us about?” Garrett asked as they all sat down.

Halen took a deep breath and decided to just dive into the story. She explained everything about how she had met Sam and Dean and her initial reaction to their relationship. She also went into what had happened the previous night, focusing on the way Dean had protected Sam and the love between them when she’d found them wrapped around one another on the bathroom floor. She told them all about John and how he had wanted to put Dean down and how if he found them when they were on their own and vulnerable that he would ruin everything for them. He would take Dean away from the one shot he had at a good life and away from the person he loved most in the world.

Kaylob and Garrett listened to every detail quietly, attention focused completely on Halen and her story. They didn’t even flinch when she made the reveal about Sam and Dean being brothers, which seemed like a good sign to her. Anything was better than gasps of disgust.

When she finished, ending with a plea that they realize that Sam and Dean were good people despite being runaways and their complicated relationship, her hands were shaking with nerves. It had been a challenge even for her to accept everything she had just said and it had only been made easier by seeing the boys together.

The wolves were silent for a moment as she finished her tale, Garrett tapping his fingers against the arm of his chair in thought.

“You know…there’s something that happens when you become a werewolf,” he finally said, leaning forward and locking eyes with Halen. “Your sense of morality shifts. Your natural instincts become more prominent. The rules of society grown infinitely less important. Suddenly the idea of two brothers who were raised on the road with no one but each other growing up to love each other in every way doesn’t seem so…unusual. The world we live in…it’s full of darkness and evil and hatred, especially towards my kind. So…you can tell Dean that so long as his relationship with Sam is built on love and respect, he is welcome in our home and in our pack.”

Halen sighed a breath of relief and looked over at Kaylob. “And you? I know Dean is going to want to know what you have to say.”

“I agree with Garrett. The things I’ve seen…they change the way you see the world.”

“Now…I do believe Dean mentioned that you had other business here. Should I get Jeremy?” Garrett offered.

Halen felt her stomach lurch and she gripped the arm of the chair she sat in a little tighter. “Uhm…yes, I guess you probably should.”

She wanted nothing more than to back down. She didn’t want to be rejected again. Didn’t want to lose Jeremy for the third time. But she knew she needed this—she needed the closure.

Which is why she resisted the urge to take off as Kaylob and Garrett went to find her ex-boyfriend. And when Jeremy came down the stairs and into the living room, his eyes sad and uncertain as they landed on Halen, she choked back her urge to cry.

“Hey, you,” she muttered, eyes following him as he moved to sit in front of her.

“Hey,” he greeted softly, an involuntary smile tugging at the edge of his lips.

This was it. This was the chance she’d been waiting for since he’d left her. But now as she was faced with the one thing she would have given anything for she realized she had no idea what to say.


	22. Take a Look Ahead

“So…you’re getting help, too?” Halen started, unable to help the hope bubbling up inside of her. She’d come to say her goodbye, but there was a part of her that kept thinking about Sam and Dean. If they could make it work—if they could get help for Dean—then maybe she and Jeremy could do the same.

“Yeah. Found these guys after I saw you last and Garrett offered to help me out,” he replied, his smile growing. “It was kind of like a miracle…I mean, I had to leave you all over again because of what I am and then there they were, offering me the one thing I needed.”

“You know you never had to leave me.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them, but she didn’t regret them. “I would have done anything to make it work.”

“Yeah…yeah, I know you would’ve, but I couldn’t put you in danger like that.”

“Well…maybe you won’t have to worry about that anymore,” she pointed out, glancing down at the floor nervously.

She heard Jeremy sigh and looked back up to him to find him watching her uncertainly.

“Hale…I can’t make you any promises. I’m still new to this. I don’t even know if it’s going to work for me. I mean, if it does, then maybe…” He sighed again and shrugged. “Look, I just don’t want you to be waiting for me when I don’t even know if I can give you what you want.”

“Well that’s too bad, because I don’t have a choice but to wait,” Halen told him bluntly, meeting his stare with more confidence now. “I love you, Jeremy. And I refuse to give up on you.”

He chuckled at that, apparently unsurprised by her stubbornness. “I know I can’t tell you what to do. Never could. But just…if this doesn’t work, that’s it. Okay? If I can’t learn to control this then I want you to let me go. I want you to have a normal life without me.”

It wasn’t an unreasonable thing of him to ask. He was offering her more than she ever thought she would get, and so she simply smiled and nodded her agreement.

“It’ll work though.”

“You really think so?”

“Mhmm. Because I know you and you’re strong. You can do this.” Halen reached across the small space between them and rested her hand on his knee.

“I hope you’re right.”

 

* * *

 

Sam and Dean were thrilled to hear what Garrett and Kaylob had said. They were also pretty happy to hear about the talk with Jeremy, although Dean had to throw in that if the guy fucked things up and hurt Halen that he might have to rough him up a bit.

They had an official invite to stay at the house and a promise that Sam and Dean’s relationship wasn’t going to be an issue among the pack. Still, they agreed as they drove over to keep the public displays of affection to a minimum while they were there. Garrett and Kaylob may be supportive, but that didn’t mean everyone in the house would be. They didn’t want to push their luck and find out who wasn’t.

When they arrived, Dean introducing Sam to everyone, he didn’t miss the few disapproving stares they got. Thankfully it was only a very few people who displayed their distaste and even they kept their mouths shut about it.

“Thanks so much for helpin’ us out, man,” Dean said gratefully to Garrett as they were shown to their room.

“I remember what it was like…being new to all of this,” Garrett replied with a shrug. “Luckily the wolf who turned me didn’t abandon me. She helped me and we found out how to control it together.”

“Where is she now?”

“She died…hunters got her.”

Dean flinched at that, guilt roiling through him. “M’sorry.”

“It wasn’t you that killed her. Nothing for you to be sorry for.”

With that Garrett left the room, taking Halen to hers and leaving Sam and Dean alone.

Dean watched as his brother went to sit on the edge of the bed. He was fidgeting and frowning down at his hands, something obviously bothering him.

“You okay, Sammy?”

“Dean…,” Sam started, glancing up nervously. “Is this…is it wrong?”

The question caught Dean completely off guard and he stared at Sam incredulously, feeling as though he’d been sucker punched.

“D’you…do you think it is?” he breathed, trying not to sound offended or upset. He was pretty sure he failed miserably. He had just never really thought about it that way—not since they’d agreed to be together. He loved Sam and it always felt so _right_.

“I dunno…I mean, it doesn’t feel wrong, but the way they were looking at us…” Sam’s voice trailed off and he shrugged, meeting Dean’s eyes with his own. “The whole world seems to think it is. That’s all I’m saying.”

Dean really didn’t know what to say. Sure, by society’s standards what they were doing was completely fucked up, but in his book…there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with it. They’d never lived a life that was normal and he didn’t care what all of the ignorant people of the world thought.

“Since when do you care what everyone else thinks, huh?”

“I don’t. Not really. But…”

“But what? Got a problem with our relationship, Sam? Cause if so, now’s the time to speak up.” Dean didn’t want to get defensive or mean, but he couldn’t help it. That’s how he dealt with stuff like this and the idea that Sam was somehow unhappy with things between them scared him half to death.

“It’s not that I have a problem, Dean, it’s just that this is all I’ve ever known,” Sam explained, his voice growing tenser. “Ever since I knew what it was to want to be with someone it was always _you._ I didn’t even have a chance.”

“A chance for what? Normal? Cause if that’s what you want you can go back to Jess any time you want. Dad would thrilled.”

He didn’t know where the hell this was coming from, but no matter how much it upset him he knew that Sam was right. Dean hadn’t tried very hard to give Sam a shot at a normal life or a normal relationship. He’d just thought of himself and how bad he wanted to be with him and hadn’t looked back.

“I don’t want Jess,” his little brother huffed.

“Then what do you want? I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, Sammy. I really don’t.” Dean threw his hands in the air in exasperation, staring at Sam expectantly.

“I want you, Dean. I’ll always want you. And if I lost you, man…I don’t know what the hell I would do. I guess I just… I never stopped to think about it, ya know? And now I’m thinking about it. It doesn’t change anything, I’m just…processing.”

“Processing. Right. Been pining after me since you were eleven and you’re just now taking the time to think about it how fucked up it is that you’re in love with your big brother.”

Dean regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, especially as he saw tears forming in Sam’s eyes. He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands, muttering, “Sam, that’s not what I meant to say…”

“So it is fucked up then? That’s what you really think?” Sam accused, getting to his feet. “Of course I thought about it before, but I just brushed it off, because I love you! But today was the first time we were faced with a whole room of people who know about is and all I could think about what the fact that any time we’re in that situation everyone is going to be judging us!”

“Fuck ‘em! Let them judge!” Dean snapped back, so damn confused by everything that Sam was throwing at him that it was making his head hurt. It was like he was telling him two totally different things at one time and he didn’t know how to keep up.

“We’ll never be able to do anything normal couples do,” Sam pointed out, the hurt in his voice like a knife to his brother’s chest. “We can’t get married. And even if we could we couldn’t invite our family.”

“You’ve thought about that?”

“Yeah, Dean. I have. Because when I decided that you’re the only person I’m ever going to want I actually took the time to think about what our future would be like.”

“And what? You didn’t like what you saw when you did that?” Dean had never really given that kind of thing much thought. Marriage was never in the cards for him, not when all he wanted was to be a hunter, and he imagined he and Sam would just be together like they were now and they’d make it work somehow.

“I _love_ what I see when I think about it,” Sam countered, stepping up to Dean. “Being with you for the rest of my life…that’s the best future I can think of.”

“So what’s the point of this conversation then? I’m sorry, but you’re givin’ me whiplash, man.”

“The point is that this is never going to be easy. We’re never going to be able to just be together like a normal couple—there’ll always be more obstacles.” He sighed and reached out, taking Dean’s face in his hands. “But I don’t care. Even with all that in my head, I don’t care. There are so many reasons for us to stop this, but I don’t want to and I love you so much and _it scares me_.”

Now that made sense to Dean. The way he loved Sam…it was so complete and so final. There was nothing else that could ever work, not after him. If it fell apart…if he lost Sam…that would be it.

“Don’t gotta be afraid, Sammy. This…it’s forever, alright? M’not goin’ anywhere.” He laced fingers into the fabric of Sam’s shirt, pulling him closer. “And those obstacles…we’ll get through ‘em, just like we do everything else. You wanna get married? We’ll get new identities and no one will even know we’re brothers and we’ll get married. We’ll have some perfect, apple pie life in a suburban house with a mini-van and a whole damn slew of adopted kids if that’s what you want, okay?”

His brother chuckled at that, some of the sadness in his eyes giving way to amusement. “You driving a mini-van? That’s hilarious.”

“Well, maybe we’ll keep the Impala, but I just want you to know that we _can_ have a normal life together if that’s what you want. I mean, I’d turn into a wolf every month and I’d probably hunt when I wasn’t at my day job, but…”

“Let’s cross that bridge when we get there,” Sam sighed, smiling fully now and leaning his forehead against Dean’s. “M’sorry…for freaking out. It’s just with Dad showing up and staying here…my head’s in a weird place right now.”

“S’okay…every couple fights, right? And I mean, we’re siblings. We’re even more obligated to argue.”

Sam laughed aloud at that and Dean stifled the sound with a slow, but deep kiss. His arms slid around Sam’s waist and pulled him a little closer.

“Don’t worry about this, okay?” Sam said his mouth was free again. “I’m not going anywhere either. I promise.”

“Good. ‘Cause I’m kinda attached by now.”

Dean smirked and kissed him again, kicking the door shut and moving Sam towards the bed. He wasn’t starting his training until later that night and the only thing in the world he wanted was to be close to the person he loved most.

 

* * *

 

The next week was interesting to say the least. Dean’s training was about what Sam had expected it to be and involved a lot more meditation than his big brother felt like doing.

The sparring was what he really liked. The whole basis of that particular task was for his partner to push his temper to its limits and see if he could get control of it without causing any damage.

Naturally the first few days were filled with explosions. He had even nearly wolfed out at one point, his fangs and claws making an appearance before Sam managed to talk him down.

By the fifth day they had banned Sam from the sparring area, deciding that Dean relied on him too much to find the calm that he needed and that he had to learn to find it on his own.  Neither of the brothers was really happy about that, but they knew it was true.

So, as Dean dove into his seventh day of training Sam decided to spend some time with Halen and Jeremy.

They sat outside on the front deck together and peeled potatoes for dinner, Halen asking, “So how is he doing? Making progress?”

“Slowly but surely,” Sam replied, tossing another potato into the large bucket of them. “Dean’s…well, you know him. He’s stubborn as hell and has a temper to match.”

“He’ll get there. He’s strong.”

“Yeah, I know. If anyone can do it it’s him. What about you, Jeremy? How’s your training going?” Sam wondered.

“About the same,” the werewolf said. “I can feel it making a difference, but it’s not exactly easy.”

“You’re doing really good,” Halen insisted, resting a hand on his knee and smiling softly at him.

“Ya know, if you’re not careful they’re gonna ban you from my sessions, too,” he chuckled.

Sam noticed that the two of them had fallen into what he imagined was a very normal behavior for them in a matter of a couple days. Jeremy had been tense and unsure at first, but Halen didn’t back down. It was obvious she knew what she wanted and had every intention of getting it.

It was also obvious that they loved each other about as much as Sam and Dean did. Of course, Sam was pretty sure what he and Dean had was on a level that most people couldn’t dream of, but still…they seemed to be fairly close to it.

“Hey, Sammy!”

Dean came jogging around the side of the house and up the stairs, leaning down as he reached Sam’s chair and pecking him on the lips.

“Hey,” Sam greeted with a smile. “You done for the night?”

“Mhmm. Come inside with me?”

There was an oddly giddy smile on Dean’s face and it made Sam suspicious, but not necessarily in a bad way.

“Yeah, okay.” Sam abandon the potato he was peeling and got to his feet, hardly having the chance to start moving before his brother was grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him inside. “What’s up with you?”

Dean didn’t answer, he just led Sam up the stairs to their room and closed the door behind them. As soon as they were alone Dean was hoisting his little brother up into his arms and pinning him against the wall, his mouth eagerly devouring Sam’s without warning.

Sam gasped and wrapped his legs around Dean, holding onto him tightly and kissing him back. He didn’t know what had gotten into him, but he wasn’t complaining.

“Missed you this week,” Dean breathed as he kissed down Sam’s jaw.

“You’ve seen me every day,” Sam laughed softly, running a hand through Dean’s hair.

“Mmmm, I know, but haven’t gotten you alone in days.”

He nuzzled his nose down the length of Sam’s neck and nipped at his collarbone, making his brother moan quietly.

“Sammy?”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“Where do you wanna go when we’re done here?” Dean pulled his head back and met Sam’s gaze curiously.

Sam dropped to his feet, a little too surprised by the question to focus on holding himself up. “Uhm…I dunno.  Been a little too busy focusing on getting through the week to think about that.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he absent mindedly stroked his thumb over Sam’s hip under his shirt. “Well whataya wanna see? We’ve driven all over the United States  and never stopped to see any of the awesome stuff it has to offer.”

“Well, we’ll figure it out when it’s time to go,” Sam decided with a shrug. “Why’re you so worried about seeing the sights all of a sudden?”

“It’s all that damn meditation they’ve got me doing. Gives me too much time to think.”

“And you’ve been thinking that we need to go see the Grand Canyon or something?”

Dean smirked at that and brushed his lips over Sam’s before explaining, “I’ve been thinking that you deserve more than what Dad gave you growing up. Hell, so do I.”

“I’ll think about it. But for right now I’m a little more concerned with something else.” Sam ground his hips against Dean’s, leaving no question as to what that concern was, and Dean wasted no time reciprocating.

He picked Sam back up, grinding against him, and whispered deviously, “No worries, baby boy. Got a whole week to make up for and I’m gonna take good care of you.”


	23. Cold, Hard Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I would say there are about three more chapters left of this for me to write. It's finally going to be coming to a close fairly soon. Just thought I'd let you all know where I'm at with it. :)

The hardest part of living in a house full of people was keeping quiet. Sam liked to make a lot of noise and he knew Dean liked to hear it, but they didn’t have that luxury at the moment. Which was why Sam was currently lying on his stomach and biting his pillow as Dean’s tongue lapped hungrily at his hole.

Dean’s hands had a death grip on his thighs and he was making soft, eager little moans as he licked, each one sending shivers through Sam’s body.

But it wasn’t until he felt the tip of Dean’s finger pressing against his tight entrance that the task of being silent became a real challenge. They’d only done this one other time before and Dean hadn’t gotten to use more than one finger before Sam was coming harder than he thought he ever had.

“Dean…,” he whimpered, pushing back and trying to take it deeper.

“Shit, Sammy…you’re so desperate for it,” Dean growled, sliding his finger all the way in. Sam groaned and wriggled his hips, silently insisting that his brother start moving his hand.

He started to do just that and Sam came undone, stuffing his face into his pillow and moaning as his hands folded around the sheet beneath him. Dean was so good at it, hitting that spot that sent shivers of pleasure rolling down Sam’s spine every time, and it wasn’t long before he was begging breathlessly, “More. _Please_.”

“God, can’t wait ‘til I can fuck you, baby boy,” his big brother purred, slipping a second finger inside of him. “You’re gonna look so damn pretty around my cock.”

“Want you to,” Sam gasped, wishing he could just throw his and his brother’s morals out the window. “Want you to fuck me, Dean. So bad.”

He could hear the leer in Dean’s voice as he reached up and under Sam, getting a hold of his dick and stroking it slowly as he said, “Soon as you turn sixteen, baby, you’re _mine_.”

Sam rolled his hips in response, rutting down into Dean’s hand desperately. He was getting close and it didn’t help when his brother bit down on his thigh before lapping his tongue over the teeth marks.

“C’mon, Sammy…I know you’re close. Come for me, sweetheart.” Dean pumped Sam’s cock faster and thrust his fingers deeper, his mouth dipping down to trail kisses over Sam’s thighs.

Sam tightened his grip on the sheets and bit down on the pillow once again as he felt his orgasm building. It took everything he had not to scream out as it finally ripped through him, his body quivering as he came all over Dean’s hand.

He lay there for a minute, riding out the aftershocks and catching his breath before he rolled over onto his back. He looked down at his brother and grinned, panting, “Definitely gonna have to do our own laundry.”

Dean just laughed and moved over him, pushing him down into the mattress and kissing him greedily. Sam reached between them and started to jack Dean off, savoring the eager groan that his brother made as he buried his face in Sam’s neck.

“Sammy, m’not gonna last…”

With that warning Sam did exactly what he knew would get Dean off. He flipped them over and slithered down Dean’s body before taking his cock into his mouth.

It didn’t take much more than that to push Dean over the edge. He poured into Sam’s mouth only a moment later, wrapping his fingers in Sam’s hair and biting his lip to keep from making too much noise.

“Jesus…,” he gasped, pulling Sam up to the top of the bed and wrapping his arms tightly around him. “Have I ever told you that you’re freakin’ amazing?”

“You might’ve mentioned it,” Sam chuckled, resting his head on Dean’s chest and closing his eyes. “Love you, Dean.”

“Love you, too, Sam.”

 

* * *

 

The boys didn’t go back downstairs until Halen knocked on their door and informed them that dinner was ready. As usual they got their food and went outside, not big fans of eating with a crowd. It had always just been them and their dad (and, on occasion, Bobby), so it weirded them out having anything close to an actually family dinner with more than four people.

As they ate Sam glanced over at Dean and asked, “How long do you think it will take Dad to find us?”

“Not long,” Dean sighed, not at all pleased with that truth. “He’s smart, Sammy. Won’t take him long to figure out where we went.”

“What’re we gonna do when we he gets here?”

“Stand our ground. We’ve got plenty of back up.” Dean shrugged, taking another bite. He wasn’t too concerned now that they had an entire wolf pack backing them. If they could just get John to see what a good thing they had going and that he was getting help…

“And…what if he finds out? About us?”

“He’s not gonna find out.”

“You don’t think anyone will say anything?” Sam looked genuinely concerned, poking at his food anxiously with his fork.

“Don’t see why they would. And even if they did, what’s he gonna do about it?” Of course Dean was much more terrified about the idea of his father finding out than he was willing to let on. And it wasn’t that he saw John as a threat to their relationship; it was more that he knew how their relationship with their father was going to suffer if he learned the truth.

Sam nodded and started eating again, apparently deciding he was done worrying for the moment—at least out loud.

 

* * *

 

When another week passed without a sign of John they were both surprised. Dean wasn’t dumb enough to think that their father didn’t know where they were. He could track down a pack of werewolves without a problem and he had to know that’s where his sons were hiding out.

Maybe he just wasn’t sure how to move forward. Perhaps the idea that his boys were living safely among them had him questioning his next step. Normally he’d get some back up and take down the whole pack, but this was different.

Whatever his reasons for not showing up were, Dean was just thankful for the time they had. His training was paying off and his anger was becoming much easier to control. He hadn’t had any serious outbursts all week and Kaylob was working with him on finding a sense of self-worth. At first the therapy sessions had seemed ridiculous and Dean had tried to laugh them off, but after a few days he discovered it was nice having someone to talk to who had gone through similar experiences.

On the sixth day they were discussing the day that he had attacked Jess, the guilt and pain bubbling up inside of him at the thought of it making him sick to his stomach.

“If Bobby hadn’t turned up when he did she’d have been dead,” Dean muttered, laying his head back on the back of the couch. He stared up at the ceiling, images from that day flashing through his mind. He didn’t remember much, but he remembered enough for it to haunt him. “Shit…Sam might’ve been dead, too.”

“I won’t tell you you’re wrong,” Kaylob replied from the chair he sat in. “It could have gone that way. But it didn’t. They’re both alright.”

“Yeah…doesn’t make me feel much less like shit.”

“Well…that’s why you’re here. So you don’t have to worry about that happening again. You’re not a _monster_ , Dean—just another human being with a…a _condition_ , I guess.”

Dean chuckled at that and glanced over at Kaylob. “Do you believe that about yourself?”

“I didn’t at first,” he admitted. “I hated myself. Thought I was a freak of nature. But now I see things a little differently.”

“And was that all because of this? Because you got help?”

“That…and Amy. It helps to have someone who believes it enough for both of you.”

Kaylob shot him a knowing stare and Dean just smiled.

“Yeah, Sammy seems to think I’m a saint,” he sighed.

“Sam will always be able to help you find the good in you, Dean,” the other werewolf said softly. “If you’re ever struggling with that…if it seems lost to you…find Sam. He’ll bring you back.”

“He’s brought me back more times that I can count. Kid would never give up on me, not for anything. I don’t always get why and sometimes I wish he would, but…at the end of the day I’m selfish and I don’t want him to.”

“Good thing you don’t have to worry about it.” It was Sam that spoke and Dean’s gaze moved quickly to the entrance to the living room. His brother was standing there with a pale, terrified face that didn’t match the tone of his voice at all.

Dean sat up straighter and demanded, “Sammy, what’s goin’ on?”

“Bobby called…”

“And? What’d he say? Is it Dad?”

Sam sighed heavily and brushed a hand wearily through his hair. He looked like he was about to burst into tears.

“He…he saw us, Dean. Outside. He was watching the house.”

Dean stared at Sam in confusion, not entirely sure what he was trying to say. The theory forming in his head had him feeling dizzy though. “Sam, what’re you sayin’?”

“He knows! Dad knows and so does Bobby!” Sam did start crying then, the tears rushing down his face as he collapsed against the archway and whimpered, “He went back to Sioux Falls almost a week ago.”

“Shit…hey, it’s alright,” Dean soothed, hurrying across the room to pull his brother into his arms.

God, he didn’t even think about that. He’d felt so comfortable just planting kisses on Sam as he pleased and hadn’t even stopped to consider that John might be keeping an eye on them from a distance.

And now Bobby knew…

“Is Bobby…how did he take it?” Dean muttered, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

“Hell, I dunno,” Sam grumbled into Dean’s shoulder. “He just said that Dad knew about what was going on between us and that he was there in Sioux Falls trying to figure out what to do. I guess he’s pretty messed up over it and Bobby…Bobby’s just trying to keep the peace.”

“Okay…well…I mean, it could be worse. He could’ve came stormin’ up here pissed and trying to drag you back to Bobby’s, right?”

Sam nodded, pulling back to look at Dean. His face was soaked and red, but the tears had ebbed. “That’s just…it’s not how I wanted them to find out if they had to. I guess Dad’s drinking up Bobby’s liquor cabinet and he’s almost come back here twice already until Bobby talked him down.”

 Dean cringed at that. He felt no shame about his love for Sam, but he wasn’t proud of hurting his father like that. He wasn’t naïve enough to expect John to just accept the situation.

“It’ll just buy us some time, alright? Time for me to get better and for Dad to…to process things.”

“Dean…” Sam stared at him with wide, desperate eyes that said everything he was thinking without him having to say more than that one word. What if they lost their father and Bobby for good? What if they disowned them?

“We were gonna have to face it someday, Sammy,” he said truthfully. “Woulda liked for it to happen a lot later, but we’re just gonna have to deal with this as it is.”

Dean thought about what Halen had asked him; if it was worth it—if it would be easier to just be brothers. He looked at Sam, heart aching at the sadness he saw in his face, and he knew that even though it would have been better if he’d left Sam the way he had meant to it would never have been _easier_. He would have missed his brother for the rest of his life—missed all of the lost opportunities. Every smile, every laugh, every kiss, every brush of his hand on Dean’s knee as they drove down the road, every time their fingers intertwined…everything. He would have missed out on everything.

“No matter what happens we’ll still have each other. Just remember that.” He wiped the wetness from Sam’s cheek with his thumb and smiled softly.

Sam just smiled back and buried his face in Dean’s shoulder once again. Dean held him, not even bothered by the fact that Kaylob was still in the room. The only thing that mattered was Sam and that was always going to be true.

 

* * *

 

John sat on Bobby’s couch, staring listlessly at the television as he tipped back a bottle of Jack. He barely felt the burn of it anymore now that it was midnight and he was so drunk he could hardly see straight.

But he still felt the sickness and confusion inside of him that he’d been trying so hard to drink away.

The moment he’d realized that Jimmy’s words had been true kept replaying in his mind like some sick nightmare that he couldn’t shake. Dean setting down his plate of food on the railing of the deck and leaning across the small space between him and his brother. His mouth spreading into a wide grin as he laughed out loud at something Sam had said. And then that same mouth planting a slow, gentle kiss to his own brother’s mouth while his hand slipped through Sam’s hair like it had been there a million times.

He kept thinking that that was the worst part; just how natural it seemed. Dean kissed Sam the way John used to kiss Mary—with all the love and ease in the world.

John couldn’t help blaming himself. He’d always pushed the boys together and made sure Dean had always been responsible for his little brother in a way that most siblings could never understand.

He wanted to be pissed at Dean. He wanted to call him and lash out at him—tell him he was irresponsible and that he didn’t have Sam’s best interest in mind. He wanted to tell him that he was older and he should have put a stop to it, but in the end Dean was every bit as young as Sam and how could he really pin this on him?

No…the only person who could truly be blamed was their negligent father. He didn’t like to think of himself that way, but it was the cold, hard truth. He’d left them alone too often and practically made Dean raise Sam. He set it up so that they relied on one another for everything, apparently even things that John’s stomach didn’t have the strength to handle.

Mary would hate him if she knew.

That was the thought that he kept coming back to and it sent a wave of grief and guilt through him so strong he thought it might kill him every time. Mary would not have wanted this for her boys—not a single moment of it. Not the hunting or the life on the road or…

He took another long drag of whiskey and flipped through the channels, trying to focus on what flashed across the television. He didn’t want to think about this anymore. He didn’t think he could handle it.

 

* * *

 

“You’re gonna have to face it sometime or another,” Bobby grumbled as he made a pot of coffee. John was sitting at the kitchen table hung over and sipping on a beer, sulking like his whole world had ended.

“And say what?” John muttered. “Not sure there’s a Parenting 101 course on how to handle it when your sons decide they’d rather be boyfriends than brothers.”

Bobby huffed and turned around, fixing his friend with an impatient glare.

“Look, I know it ain’t the easiest thing to stomach. Gave me one hell of a shock when you told me, but dammit, John, they’re your _children_. They need you.”

“So…what, you think I should try to stop it? It’s Sam and Dean. Just how well do ya think that’s gonna go over?” John set down his beer and threw his hands into the air in defeat. “Obviously they do whatever they want—to hell with what I think.”

“Oh, suck it up and stop feelin’ so damn sorry for yourself,” Bobby snapped. John had been drinking and moping for days and the only reason he’d even bothered to call the boys about it was because he couldn’t deal with it on his own anymore. “You got two options if you ask me; either ya go and put a stop to it or you take it for what it is and go see your boys. ‘Cause I can promise ya they’re scared shitless wonderin’ what you’re next move is gonna be now that ya know.”

“No. I’m not goin’ there. Not yet. I don’t…I don’t even have a fucking clue what I’d say.”

“Well you’re sure as hell not gonna sit on my couch and drink all my whiskey, so figure it out. S’called tough love, John. Deal with it.”

With that Bobby left the room and decided to call the boys. He didn’t know how he’d wound up seeing them as the saner side of the whole messed up situation, but apparently it had happened at some point.

 

* * *

 

Sam and Dean were wrapped around one another in bed when Bobby called. Dean answered, Sam curling up to his chest as he said, “Hey, Bobby. How’s Dad?”

“God damn train wreck is what he is,” Bobby sighed. “One minute he’s gonna march straight back to you boys and beat some sense into ya and the next he’s too afraid to go anywhere near ya. He’s goin’ with that last option this mornin’.”

Dean’s heart gave a painful squeeze and he hugged Sam a little tighter. “And uh…what about you?”

“Me? Hell, I dunno. Can’t say I wanna see you two neckin’ anytime soon, but I’m not writin’ you outta my will either.”

“So you’re…you’re okay with it? With us?”

“Wouldn’t say I’ve reached ‘okay’ yet, but I’ve survived stranger things.”

Dean smiled at that. Knowing that they hadn’t lost Bobby to this was more of a relief than he could ever put it into words.

“Thanks, Bobby. Look…I’m not lookin’ to get into a fight with Dad, but if he decides he wants to talk Sam and I are alright with that. We, uh…wouldn’t mind a chance to try explaining things.”

Not that he knew where he’d begin explaining—not when he’d have to do it in a way that would make John see things his way. He wasn’t sure that was possible.

“I’ll see what I can do. You boys be safe out there and I’ll get in touch if somethin’ changes,” Bobby replied.

“Alright. Bye.”

Dean hung up the phone and sighed heavily, laying it on the nightstand. He didn’t bother to speak—didn’t want to. He just clung to Sam and contemplated the idea of disappearing with him for good. They could start a whole new life under different names and never look back. They could make friends and it could be something like a family and things could be okay. Eventually he wouldn’t miss his old life so much.

That idea sounded about a thousand times less frightening than the reality nagging at him in the back of his mind. They really were going to have face this at some point—face their father—and if John wasn’t going to give in and come to them, then at some point they would have to go to him.


	24. Home

Sam had figured as soon as he’d seen Dean’s sparring partner for the night that there would be trouble. This guy always looked at them strange, an anger in his eyes that said he only kept his mouth shut out of respect for Garrett. But once the fighting started—once their control was being tested—he wasn’t so silent anymore.

“It’s fucked up, ya know,” the shorter, dark haired wolf taunted as he prowled only a few feet from Dean. They circled one another slowly, preparing to make their next move. “You and your brother. I know no one else has the balls to say it, but I ain’t the only thinking it.”

Dean growled low in his throat, his fists clenching tighter. “Leave Sam out of this.”

“What’s the matter? Can’t handle hearing the truth?”

“Nathan, that’s enough,” Garrett insisted from the back deck where he was observing Dean’s training.

“You said I’m supposed to try gettin’ him riled up,” Nathan retorted, sneering at Dean. “Ya know, I got a little brother back home that I had to leave behind and let me tell ya…I wouldn’t dream of fuckin’ him up the way you’re gonna fuck up Sam.”

The noise that left Dean this time was beyond a growl and it was certainly no longer human. Sam, who had been sitting next to Garrett and attempting to brush off Nathan’s words, got to his feet as he saw his brother’s nails transforming into claws.

“Keep my brother’s name out of your fucking mouth,” Dean hissed, moving deeper into an offensive stance. He was preparing to attack, his pupils slimming into slits and his voice unnaturally deep and gravelly.

Nathan just smirked dangerously and goaded, “ _Sam._ Poor little _Sammy_ , ain’t ever gonna have a normal life and it’s all your fuckin’—”

Dean bolted across the space between them, hands outstretched, and slammed into Nathan before he could finish his sentence. His claws sank into the other wolf’s chest and he bared his fangs at him, a blood curdling roar ripping free from his throat.

Sam went to run towards him, but before he could take two steps Garrett’s arms were around him.

“Sam, no,” he insisted, tugging the boy back. “They can handle it.”

Kaylob and a few others were already pulling Dean off of Nathan, although he was putting up one hell of a fight. They had to break out the silver, Kaylob putting on gloves and wrapping the chain around Dean’s neck before yanking him back.

“Dean!” Sam called, not bothering to struggle against Garrett. He just wanted Dean to hear his voice. Maybe then he would come back to himself and they could take the damn silver off him. Sam knew how painful it was for him and he hated when they had to use it, although it had only happened one other time before then.

Sam raised his voice when his brother didn’t calm down. “Dean, stop fighting! You’re alright!”

That seemed to have an effect. Dean stopped struggling and was suddenly very alert, although he was still most of the way through his transformation.

“It doesn’t matter what that asshole says,” Sam insisted, lowering his tone some now that he had Dean’s attention. “Doesn’t matter what anyone says, okay?”

He watched as his brother’s claws and fangs began to retract and let out a sigh of relief. Garrett released him and he hurried forward, insisting, “Take the silver off him, I’ve got it from here.”

Nathan had already been removed from the vicinity and Sam glanced behind him to see Garrett heading inside after him. Hopefully he’d get what he deserved for harassing Dean like that.

Dean seemed mostly back to normal now, his breathing still heavy but his features all back to normal. Sam reached his brother and stood in front of him, asking softly, “You okay?”

“Sam, maybe we should leave,” Dean muttered in response, staring down at his brother with troubled eyes.

“What? Why would we do that?”

“Because…the things he said…you didn’t need to hear that and I don’t want you getting hurt because people don’t understand.”

“You can’t protect me from everything, Dean.” Sam frowned at his brother, knowing just how badly he wished he could do just that.

“I can try,” Dean retorted stubbornly, a small smirk forming on his lips.

“Look, if you want to leave you know I’ll follow you anywhere, but…I just don’t think we should go yet. Soon, maybe, but…you need just a little more time.”

“Yeah…alright, but if one more asshole opens his mouth about you and me, we’re outta here. Otherwise someone’s gonna wind up dead.” Dean’s eyes flashed with a disturbing sincerity and Sam felt a small shiver run down his spine. He wasn’t afraid of Dean, no, but he knew what his brother was capable of when it came to him. He’d do anything for Sam.

 

* * *

 

John had decided it was time to take a different path of action. Drinking himself numb wasn’t working and he knew he wouldn’t have any luck going after Sam and Dean, so it was time for plan C.

Plan C was admittedly pretty desperate and stupid, but then he himself was incredibly desperate at that point. He didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. Simply accepting the truth and letting his boys go was just not an option.

And so he left Bobby’s without a word and made the short drive across town, feeling like a fool the whole way.

He had no idea what he was going to say to Jessica. He wasn’t even sure if she knew about Sam and Dean and part of him wondered if he should tell her.

He was basically running on autopilot as he knocked on her front door, somewhat thankful when it was her that answered. He didn’t feel like trying to make an excuse to her parents as to why he needed to see her.

“John? Is everything alright?” Jess asked as she stepped out onto her porch, eyes narrowing with concern.

“Uhm…no, not really,” he said truthfully, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat, trying to find some strength as he prepared to have what was sure to be a very awkward conversation. “Jess…how much do you know about Sam and Dean’s relationship?”

John didn’t miss the way her jaw tightened just the slightest fraction or the tiny intake of breath that she tried to disguise as she replied a bit too loudly, “I’m not really sure what you mean.”

“Mhmm…see, I can tell that you know _exactly_ what I mean and that’s why I’m here to talk to you. I…I need you to try to get them to come home. I need you to talk to Sam for me.”

God, he felt like an ass asking a teenage girl to do what he couldn’t, but what other options did he have?

“And what would you want me to say?” She crossed her arms, her eyebrows furrowing. Oh great—she was getting defensive.

“I don’t know…I just know that Sam likes you and that you…you’re good for him, Jess. And he trusts you—values your friendship. You might be able to talk some sense into him.”

“You want me to split them up?”

Well, he hadn’t wanted to put it into such blunt terms, but she wasn’t wrong. “More or less, yes.”

“John…,” Jess sighed, some of the tension in her body easing. “Trust me, I know this can’t be easy for you. But I can’t come between them.”

Damn. Was he the only one who wasn’t part of Team Sam ‘n’ Dean? Hell, even Bobby was being supportive, even if he wasn’t’ exactly thrilled about the whole situation.

“But you’ve gotta know what’s best for Sam, don’t you? Think of everything they’ll have to go through if they keep this up.”

“They’ll manage. I promise you, they will.” She dropped her arms to her sides before suddenly wrapping them around John. She pulled him into a tight and unexpected hug, and then stepped back as she went on softly, “They love each other, John. Truly and in a way that I could never love Sam. And I could love that boy with every bit of my heart, but it would never compare to the way Dean feels for him. I didn’t understand it at first, but then I kept watching them and....look, there’s no coming between that and I wouldn’t want to. I’m sorry.”

“I see…” John sighed, frowning down at the wooden beams of Jess’s porch. Although he didn’t really see. He didn’t understand what she was saying—had never seen what she claimed to see between the boys. Did he know they loved each other and would protect one another with their lives? Of course he knew that. He’d just always thought it was a lot more… _platonic_.

“I wish there was something I could do to help make this easier for you,” Jess said quietly. “And for Sam and Dean. They don’t want to lose you. I know they don’t.”

He didn’t know what to say to that—didn’t know what he was supposed to do. And so he simply nodded and headed back to his car, his last hope shattered. There was nothing he could do. He was just going to have to live with this somehow.

 

* * *

 

“Dad went to see Jess,” Sam groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was sitting on the end of their bed as Dean dug through his clothes, trying to find something that was somewhat clean. He’d just finished showering after his training and had a towel wrapped around his waist, something that would have distracted the hell out of Sam if he wasn’t so baffled by the phone call he’d just received.

“Oh yeah? What, did he want her to break us up?” Dean scoffed, rolling his eyes and sniffing a black t-shirt before apparently deciding it would do. He slid it on and then dropped his towel before stepping into a pair of boxers and turning to look at Sam.

“Pretty much,” Sam answered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’m hoping she told him to fuck off.”

“Well, I think she was a little more polite than that, but yeah…she told him it wasn’t going to happen.”

He flopped back on the bed, sighing heavily and dropping his phone on the bed next to him. “Dean…we’re gonna have to go see him. You know that, right?”

Dean frowned and crossed the small space between them. He stood at the end of the bed, absent mindedly running a hand up Sam’s thigh. “Yeah…I’ve been thinkin’ that, too. Doesn’t mean I want to though.”

“Me either, but we can’t just let Bobby deal with this on his own. We gotta clear the air—let Dad know it’s not changing.”

Dean smiled at that and crawled onto the bed until his face was hovering over Sam’s. “Never. Never gonna leave you, baby boy.”

“Good. Cause I wouldn’t let you,” Sam teased, pulling Dean down by the front of his shirt and kissing him. “Let’s stay one more week…just so you can wrap up your training. And then we’ll go see him.”

“Alright…and after that we can go wherever you want, okay?” Dean brushed his hand through Sam’s hair, smiling softly at him.

Sam just kissed him again, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer. He didn’t really care where they went. He was home as long as he was with Dean.

 

* * *

 

The next week flew by much faster than Dean was prepared for. He was dreading the trip back to Sioux Falls to the point that it made him sick to his stomach. No matter how justified he felt in his relationship with Sam and no matter how prepared he was to defend it to his father he was still not ready to see the hurt and the rejection on John’s face. His dad was his hero—always had been. Losing him was not something he wanted.

He didn’t see how he could keep his father in his life though. He couldn’t imagine a future where John came over to visit him and Sam at their place and went along with their façade of being a normal, happily married couple. It just wasn’t going to work like that. And in the end if he had to choose between John and Sam, it would be Sam that he picked every time. No questions asked.

That was the only thing that gave him a sense of peace as he and his brother packed up to go back to Sioux Falls. Knowing that in the end he had Sam and that they would somehow be okay was all he really needed.

They were saying their goodbyes to the pack now, taking a bit longer with Garrett and Kaylob than the others.

“Just know that if you ever need a place to go, you can find us,” Garrett insisted, smiling at the boys. “You’re good people and I wish you the best.”

“Thanks, Garrett. For everything, man. You’ve been a huge help. So have you, Kaylob.” Dean gave a grateful smile and shook both of their hands, Kaylob laughing and pulling him into a quick, but tight hug.

“Keep in touch, alright?” Kaylob insisted. “And good luck.”

Sam and Dean nodded, and then headed outside to say the most important goodbye in Dean’s book. Of course he liked to think it was more of a “see ya later” than anything.

Halen was leaning against the Impala with a light smile on her face and she stood up a little straighter as Sam and Dean approached her.

“Good luck, you two,” she said, leaning forward and pulling them both into a hug. “And thank you.”

“Right back at ya,” Dean said, leaning back and grinning down at her. “We’ll let you know how things go.”

“You better. I know I was…skeptical to start with, but…you guys gotta stick together. You really do.”

She yanked them back into another, more enthusiastic hug, and then insisted, “Alright, get outta here before I make you stay.”

Sam chuckled and pecked her on the cheek. “See you, Halen.”

Dean gave her arm a gentle squeeze and then walked around to the driver’s side of the car. Once he and Sam were both inside the Impala he glanced over at his brother and asked, “You ready for this?”

“Hell no, but what choice do we have?” Sam sighed, reaching over and entwining his fingers with Dean’s. “Let’s go.”

Dean gripped Sam’s hand tightly for a moment before letting it go and starting up the car. It was time to go home and tie up all the loose ends waiting to try and bring them down. If they wanted to be together—truly and for the rest of their lives—they couldn’t keep running, and that’s why starting the drive back to Sioux Falls didn’t feel at all like giving up.


	25. The Way It Is

It didn’t make Dean feel any more confident to know that John was aware of them coming home. They’d called Bobby to give him a heads up and a chance to prepare John for the talk they were going to have, but somehow Dean imagined no amount of warning could truly make any of them ready.

“You wanna stop for the night?” he asked his little brother. It was already ten at night and they still had a few hours left to go.

“Sure, if you want to,” Sam replied with a shrug. “I’m not exactly in a hurry to finish the drive if I’m being honest.”

“Me either…besides, I kinda wanna get you alone for a little while.” Dean winked and reached across the space between them, squeezing Sam’s thigh.

His brother smirked and pointed out, “You’ve got me alone right now.”

“God, I love you,” Dean breathed, loving the way his brother thought. They’d only messed around in the Impala once before and that just didn’t seem right.

He ran his hand slowly up Sam’s thigh, glancing over at him and watching the way his mouth parted eagerly. He soaked up the little hitch in Sam’s breath as his thumb brushed over the head of his brother’s cock, which was already half hard.

“You’re so fun to tease, Sammy,” Dean murmured, lightly tracing his fingers over the bulge in Sam’s jeans before moving them back down his leg.

His little brother looked over at him with an accusing stare and insisted, “You’re evil.”

“Aw, c’mon now…you know I’ll take care of you. Always do, don’t I?”

Dean grinned mischievously and popped open the button of Sam’s jeans. He wasn’t going to give him what he wanted just yet though. He wanted to watch him squirm and hear him beg first.

He trailed the tips of his fingers along the edge of Sam’s jeans, occasionally dipping them past the denim to stroke the sensitive skin over his hip bones. Sam would shiver every time he did this and gasp softly, the sound causing Dean’s own cock to stiffen against his pants.

“Like this, baby boy? Like when I touch you?”

His hand roamed up to his brother’s stomach now, caressing the smooth skin, and Sam nodded as he groaned, “Yes, but that’s not where I want your hand.”

“Yeah? Where you want it?”

Sam shot him a look that said he knew damn well where before taking Dean’s hand and pushing it down into his boxers. His big brother responded by wrapping his hand around his cock and stroking slowly from the base to the tip, still teasing even as he gave him what he wanted.

Dean watched Sam squirm in the passenger seat from the corner of his eye, listening to the way his breath grew shallower with each leisurely caress of Dean’s hand. He was eager for more, his hips rolling and his sweet, soft moans filling the car.

“Shit, Dean….faster,” Sam whimpered, bucking up into Dean’s hand. He laid his head back against the seat, eyes closing as Dean obeyed and stroked him faster.

It was getting increasingly more difficult for Dean not to take his other hand off the wheel and start palming his own dick, which was painfully hard at the moment. Sam looked so gorgeous like that, coming apart in the front of the Impala just from the touch of Dean’s hand. And his cock felt so good—hot and dripping—it took everything Dean had not to pull over and let his mouth take over.

“Fuck, baby boy…so damn hot...,” he growled, picking up the pace some more. “Wanna suck your cock so bad right now. Wanna taste you…”

Sam shivered at Dean’s words, gripping the edge of the seat with one hand while the other roamed over to Dean’s lap. He started to work at the button of his jeans, struggling with it thanks to the awkward angle his hand was positioned at.

“Dammit, get these unbuttoned,” Sam insisted. “Wanna touch you, too.”

Dean didn’t hesitate, withdrawing his right hand just long enough to get his pants undone. As soon as his cock was free from his boxers he went back to pleasing Sam, groaning loudly when his brother began to return the favor.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dean gasped, tightening his grip on the steering wheel and thanking God for his excellent driving skills. It was incredibly hard to focus, especially when Sam apparently decided that what they were doing wasn’t quite enough.

Before Dean was even fully sure what was happening Sam was adjusting in his seat and leaning over Dean’s lap, taking his cock into his mouth.

Dean slapped his other hand onto the wheel and moaned, his hips jerking up towards Sam’s face. “Sammy…oh my god…”

He’d heard all about road head before from friends, but he’d never gotten around to trying it out himself until that moment. He couldn’t be more thankful that it was Sam who was doing it for the first time and as he saw his brother start jacking himself off he knew that he wasn’t going to last long.

“Gonna come, Sam…you gonna come with me?” he urged breathlessly.

Sam’s answer was quite clear as he sucked more vigorously and stroked himself faster, working them both towards their climax with renewed eagerness.

That was about all Dean could take. Only a few seconds later he was pouring into Sam’s mouth, knuckles white on the steering wheel and his moans nearly drowning out the loud purr of the Impala’s engine.

Sam followed just a moment later, coming into his hand. Dean didn’t miss the fact that he put forth extra effort not to get anything on the interior and that just made him love his brother even more.

“Jesus, Sammy,” Dean sighed, grinning as his brother sat up and wiped his hand off on his flannel before slipping the shirt off.

“Guess we don’t _need_ a motel,” Sam chuckled, fastening his jeans.

“Guess not. It’s a little easier to hold you in a bed though.” Dean’s smile softened and he reached over to gently brush Sam’s wild hair from his face.

Sam didn’t speak; he just scooted across the front of the car until he was pressed against Dean’s side. His big brother laughed quietly and draped an arm around his shoulders.

They were still getting a room for the night, but this—riding in the Impala as close to one another as they could be—this was home.

 

* * *

 

Pulling up outside of Bobby’s house had never been something that filled Dean with fear. Not until the next morning when they finally arrived to find Bobby sitting on the porch with a beer in his hand. He looked anxious—something Dean wasn’t used to—and as the brothers got out of the car he said, “John’s waitin’ inside. Couldn’t keep him away from my whiskey, but he’s only had a couple drinks so far.”

“Well…let’s hope it makes him nicer,” Dean sighed, not putting much faith in the idea. He walked close to Sam’s side, a nervous sensation settling into his gut that made him feel like someone was going to try snatching his brother from him at any second.

“You boys ready to get this over with?” Bobby asked, getting to his feet.

“Might as well,” Sam muttered, looking over at Dean for confirmation.

“Yeah…c’mon.”

They walked into the only house that they could really remember calling home, but it felt different that time. It didn’t feel safe anymore—didn’t feel like home. That word had a new meaning now and as they made their way into the living room to find John sitting on the couch with a glass of whiskey Dean felt that was truer than ever.

He stood at his brother’s side, lingering at the doorway, and said quietly, “Hey, Dad.”

John looked up at them slowly, eyes dark and intent as he set his glass on the table. He didn’t speak for a long moment, the silence making Dean more and more nervous by the second. He wasn’t sure if his dad looked like he was about to cry or start screaming at them.

But when he finally did speak he did neither of those things. He simply replied gruffly, “Hey, boys.”

“Dad…,” Sam muttered, stepping forward some and crossing his arms. “I don’t…I don’t know where to start…”

“M’not ready to talk to you yet, Sammy.” John’s frown deepened and his gaze turned to Dean. “I need to talk to your brother first. I need…I need to know…just _how in the hell_ he could let this happen.”

“Whoa, hey, it’s not just on him—” Sam attempted to defend his brother, but he shut him mouth swiftly when John suddenly stood and fixed him with a stern stare.

“No, it’s not just him. But Dean, you are the oldest. You are the one who his supposed to take care of Sam. You should have known better—should’ve realized what this would do to your brother.”

“It hasn’t _done_ anything to me, Dad! The only thing it’s done is make me happy!” Sam moved forward some more before Dean’s hand shot out and pulled him back.

“Sammy, it’s alright…let him say what he needs to say,” Dean insisted. No matter how much his father’s words were going to piss him off he knew they had to come out. Everything had to be laid on the table before they could sift through it all.

“Dean…,” John murmured, some of the fervor he’d started his lecture with leaving him. “You’ve gotta know you can’t give Sam what he needs. He’s your _brother_. It doesn’t…it doesn’t work like that.”

“And what exactly do you think he needs? Because if you tell me he needs a normal life I might just laugh.”

“He was trying to have that—here with Bobby. I was going to give him that chance.” Their father stepped around the coffee table now and Dean stood up a little straighter, preparing for whatever he might do.

“I can give him that, Dad. I can give him normal if it’s what he wants.”

“How? How is _this_ normal?”

Dean didn’t have anything to say to that. No, it wasn’t exactly normal, but it was good. It was pure and strong and it was everything he would ever need and he knew Sam felt the same way.

“I love him,” Dean said simply, knowing it wasn’t a good enough response for John. It was all he had though.

Their dad scoffed at that, throwing his hands up into the air as he exclaimed, “Oh, you love him? And that just makes it okay?”

“What’s wrong with it?” Sam challenged, his tenacity when it came to their father something Dean had always secretly admired.

“What’s wrong with it? He’s your brother, Sam!”

“So what? Who decided that was so wrong? A long time ago people used to marry their siblings all the time and nobody cared.”

John looked like he was going to have a stroke. He looked away from the boys for a moment, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep, shaky breath.

“You…are you trying to tell me that you want to marry Dean? Are you fucking kidding me?”

He sat back down, burying his face in his hands before finally glanced up at them again and asked, “How far has this thing gone?”

Dean’s stomach lurched at the question and he looked over at Sam, fear written all over his face. “I don’t…I don’t know what you mean, Dad…”

“Yes, you do. You’re not stupid. How far have things gone between you? What exactly am I dealing with here?”

When neither of them answered, both too terrified to tell the truth or to try lying, John stared down at the floor and breathed, “Oh, Jesus fuckin’ Christ…”

“We haven’t…I mean if that’s what you’re thinking, that’s not…” Dean stammered, trying to save the discussion before it exploded. “Sam’s too young, I wouldn’t do that.”

Their father was completely silent again, eyes fixed on the floor and his breath shallow and trembling. He stayed like that for what felt like forever before he suddenly burst into movement. One moment he was still and quiet, and the next he was bounding across the space between himself and Dean, shouting, “You obviously did _something_ to him! What the hell was it?!”

Bobby had to jump in at that point, weaving his way between Dean and John. He pushed John back towards the couch, insisting, “Whoa, there, beatin’ the shit outta Dean isn’t going to solve anything!”

John pushed back against him, his face red with rage as he tried to get at his oldest son.

“That’s _rape,_ do you fuckin’ know that?” he growled, making one more attempt to shove past Bobby. He received a fist to the gut for that one—just enough to incapacitate him for a moment—and then Bobby settled him back onto the sofa.

It was too late though. Even without physical contact the damage had already been done. Those words hit Dean harder than any punch could and he felt like he was going to be sick.

He turned and ran from the room, trying to make it out of the house before his father had a chance to see the tears swelling in his eyes. He hurried out the front door and didn’t stop moving until he reached the car. Once he got there he fell against the hood, burying his face in his arms and swallowing hard as he did his best to keep from crying.

That’s what his dad thought of him? Thought he would…would do _that_ to Sam? Sure, legally a lot of what he had done with his brother would be categorized as that, but that’s not what it was. They loved each other. They _needed_ each other. What they had…it was so much more than that…

But John would never see it that way. As far as he was concerned Dean was an irresponsible freak that had corrupted his baby brother.

“Dean?”

It was Sam, his footsteps nearly silent as he slowly made his way towards the car.

“Dean, you gotta know that’s not true. No one thinks that, okay? Not even Dad. He’s just pissed and drunk.”

“Sammy…he hates me.” Dean turned his head so he could see his brother who was at his side now.

“He doesn’t. He loves you, he just doesn’t understand.” Sam inched closer, resting his hand on Dean’s back. “You can cry, ya know? I’m not gonna think you’re weak. I know that’s why you never cry in front of me, but you don’t have to worry about it.”

God, how was Dean supposed to fight it back after that? It was like Sam’s words opened a flood gate and suddenly he was bawling like a little kid before he could stop himself.

Sam just pulled him up from the car and into his arms, burying his face in Dean’s hair. He held him tightly, kissing the top of his head, and whispering, “We can leave right now if that’s what you want. We don’t have to go back in there.”

“I’d never hurt you, Sam, you know that, right? Everything I’ve done, it’s cause I love you, okay? Don’t even think that you owe me anything—you can always tell me no—”

The words poured out of him as freely and uncontrollably as the tears, but before he could finish his sentence Sam’s mouth was on his. His brother kissed him softly, silencing his worries inside and out.

“Shut up. Don’t ever try to explain yourself to me again. I am in this willingly because _I love you, too_.”

The sincerity in Sam’s eyes was enough to end Dean’s tears and he pulled Sam closer, smiling weakly at him. Being close to him like that gave Dean the little bit of strength he needed to finish this and he decided to take that and run with it.

“C’mon…we gotta get back in there and tell him to fuck off. He’s not gonna split us up,” Dean said, taking Sam’s hand and pulling away from him.

They walked back to the house to find John and Bobby waiting for them in the kitchen and Dean didn’t bother to let go of Sam’s hand. He just gripped it a little tighter, meeting his Dad’s gaze.

“Dad, I love Sam. And anything that has happened between us is our business and it happened because we both wanted it to. You always told me to take care of him and I have. I would never hurt him—not for anything. And if you think I would do that then…well, you don’t know me at all.”

“He’s right,” Sam interceded. “This isn’t going to end. You can try to keep us apart if you want to but I will always find a way back to him.”

John stood against the wall, arms crossed as he studied his boys with a sullen stare.

“I can’t support you,” he replied bluntly. “You can’t expect me to.”

“We don’t. We just…we want you to less us go our own way. You’ve taught me how to survive, Dad, we’ll be alright.”

“Dean…I’m…I’m sorry I said that to you. I know you wouldn’t hurt your brother. I know that Sam is too damn stubborn to be a part of this if he didn’t really wanna be. And I don’t get it. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it, but…I mean the way you look at him…”

John shook his head, his eyes glistening as he cleared his throat and went on, “You look at him the way I looked at your mother.”

Dean’s heart gave a painful squeeze at those words and he tugged Sam a little closer. “Let me take care of him. That’s all I wanna do.”

“Yeah…yeah, I know it is.” John nodded and rested his head back against the wall. “Did you get help with the werewolf problem while you were with that pack?”

“Yeah, I did. I’m not cured or anything, but it’s manageable now. We can make it work.”

“Good…that’s real good.” Their father actually mustered up somewhat of a smile for that and locked eyes with Dean. “Get outta here, boys. Before I change my mind.”

Dean didn’t bother to question John’s sincerity. He simply nodded and crossed the space between them, hugging his father for a quick moment before moving back to Sam. He took his brother’s hand again and led him towards the door, listening as Sam said, “Thanks, Dad.”

“Just go…and take care of each other.”

With that they wasted no more time getting out the door, Bobby following close behind them.

“You boys are always welcome back here,” he told them as they reached the Impala. “Just call and make sure your dad’s not hangin’ around first.”

“Think we’ll ever get to see him again?” Sam wondered.

“Someday. Once this becomes reality for him.”

Dean nodded and pulled open the driver door. “Thanks for everything, Bobby.”

“No problem, kiddo. Where’re you two headed?”

Both of the boys shrugged, glancing from each other back to Bobby.

“Dunno…wherever we want, I guess,” Dean chuckled. “Got any suggestions?”

“Well…might wanna try overseas somewhere if all that marriage talk was legit,” Bobby teased, shaking his head at them. “Or there’s always the Grand Canyon if ya’d rather keep it simple.”

Dean laughed and climbed into the car, poking his head out the window to say, “We’ll figure it out.”

“Alright, but you better give me a call when ya do.”

“Sure thing, Bobby,” Sam replied, settling into the passenger seat.

“Good luck.” Bobby gave a quick wave and headed back to the house as Dean started up the car.

“So…where _do_ we wanna go?” Dean wondered, glancing over at Sam.

“Well…there’s somewhere we need to stop before we leave Sioux Falls. We kinda owe her a visit after she told dad to get bent.”

Dean laughed at that and turned the car around. “Alright, then. Off to Jess’s we go.”


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's finally over and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read it all the way to this point. You guys are awesome and your reviews motivated me so much. I may or may not be doing a sequel that takes place about five years down the road (inspiration kinda struck the other day and I'm still deciding if it's something I want to do).

“Shit, Sammy, you’re killin’ me,” Dean groaned, arms wrapping even tighter around his brother’s waist as Sam writhed in his lap. His little brother had turned fifteen two months ago and had been very persistently trying to get Dean to break his rule about waiting until Sam was sixteen ever since.

“C’mon, Dean, it’s less than a year. What difference does it make?” Sam insisted, grinding down against Dean’s cock and pressing their foreheads together.

“It makes a huge difference to me,” Dean persisted, gripping Sam’s hips and steadying them. “I love you and I respect you and we’re going to wait, okay? It’s like you said, it’s less than a year. You’ll live and so will I.”

Sam smirked and leaned down, nibbling at Dean’s neck as he asked, “You sure about that?”

“M’positive,” Dean breathed, pulling back from his brother’s persuasive mouth. “C’mon, get up. I gotta make dinner.”

Sam frowned at that, but he apparently realized that Dean was serious, because he sighed and got to his feet.

“You wanna help me cook?” Dean asked as he stood and headed towards the kitchen of their house. It was a small, one bedroom home, but it was perfect for the two of them. The people renting it to them were under the impression that their parents had passed away and that Dean had adopted Sam. That’s also what they told the local high school when they had enrolled Sam in the fall.

“Sure, what’re we making?” Sam wondered, following his brother to the kitchen. They cooked together all the time and it was something both of them enjoyed.

“What sounds good?”

They both began scavenging for food, looking through the cupboards for inspiration. Dean always kept the kitchen well stocked, never wanting Sammy to go hungry like he had on some of the nights when their father didn’t come home.

They’d heard from John a few times over the past year. He called every now and then just to make sure they were okay, but the calls never lasted long. He stayed on the line long enough to make sure their little house in the country was keeping Dean out of trouble and that Sam was doing well in school, and then he suddenly was busy with a hunt and had to go.

Dean _was_ doing a good job keeping his wolf problem under control. He’d had a few slip-ups, one that involved wrecking a nearby barn, but he’d never been caught. Other than that he hunted deer in the woods and kept to himself when he turned.

He still hunted, too when he wasn’t working as a mechanic in town. It was just little jobs on the side where he’d go on a weekend trip and be back to work on Monday. Sam worried about him like crazy when he didn’t tag along, but he also knew that Dean wasn’t able to just adapt to a normal life. Dean needed to hunt—needed to save people.

They lived a strange life, that was for sure, but they made it work and cooking together was one of the ways they did that. It was their way of doing something as a couple that didn’t involve killing monsters or spending the entire day in bed.

“My vote is for lasagna,” Dean decided as he rummaged through a cupboard and pulled out a box of lasagna noodles. “Whataya think, Sammy? Sound good?”

“Whatever you want,” Sam agreed, leaning back against the counter by the stove and smiling at his brother.

“What? Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”

“I dunno, you’re just so…domestic.” Sam smirked and jumped to the side, dodging Dean as he leapt across the kitchen in an attempt to punch Sam on the arm.

“I’m not the domestic one, you are. I’m the mechanic—that makes you the house wife. Although you’d probably clean more if that were the case.”

Now it was Sam’s turn to attack. He picked up the oven mitt lying next to him and flung it at his brother, but Dean ducked it.

“I clean,” Sam insisted. “You’re just a perfectionist.”

“We’ve finally got a home and I want to keep it nice—so shoot me!” Dean chuckled and picked up the forgotten box of pasta before moving over to the counter that Sam was standing next to. “Now look in the fridge and make sure we’ve got the cheese we need.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam gave a playful salute before turning towards the fridge. As he moved away Dean swatted him on the butt and joked, “So obedient. I love it.”

They carried on like that the entire time they put together their dinner, teasing and bantering like the teenagers they were. It carried on for a little while as they sat down to eat, but ceased momentarily when their meal was interrupted by a phone call from Bobby.

“Bobby, what’s up?” Dean answered.

“Got a hunt out your way and I was wondering if I could drop in and see you boys,” Bobby informed him.

“Yeah, of course you can. Whatcha hunting?”

“Nothin’ big. Just a haunting, probably. But I have someone that wants to tag along if you don’t mind.”

“…S’not Dad is it?”

Dean didn’t miss the way Sam’s face grew pale at the mention of their father. He imagined his probably looked similar.

“Nah, I don’t think he’s quite ready to see you two all domestic and in love,” Bobby chuckled. He’d grown surprisingly used to the whole idea of it over the last year, especially after his last visit to the boys. “Jess wanted to crash with you boys for the weekend. Is that alright with you?”

“Sure thing, it’d be good to see her. When you comin’ out?”

“Headin’ out tomorrow morning.”

“Well alright, see you guys when you get here. Maybe I’ll help you on the hunt.” Dean liked the idea of a simple haunting—it was a fun way to spend his weekend.

“Alright. See you boys.”

When Bobby hung up Dean set down the phone and smiled at Sam. “So, Bobby and Jess are coming out for the weekend.”

“Awesome!” Sam replied, grinning wide. “Guess I really do gotta clean now, huh?”

Dean just laughed and started back in on his food, reaching across the table and taking Sam’s hand.

His life wasn’t perfect. He still turned into a wolf every month, still got restless if he stayed in one place too long without a hunt, and still fought with Sam when being wedged together during the summer started to get to them. But none of that really mattered—not when he saw Sam smile the way he was smiling at that moment. Sam was happy—genuinely happy—and that the only thing that Dean had ever really wanted. Everything else could be dealt with.


End file.
